Roll Call 153

I made the cookies and also a coffee glaze to put on them

Praying the rosary seems to help me fall asleep

I'm depressed today.

anything going on? You don't have to talk about it of course

I bought myself a new book for a reward for eating healthy the past week or so

Ugh I was gonna spend the day with my dad watching football but he's sick

I just feel so out of it. Like I'm in a dream or simulation. I drove to target and back and I just felt like nothing was real. I felt dreamy. I had been crying before I left.

Ugh and I dropped 200 dollars. Fck man.

Part of that feeling is my eyes. I think I'm getting worse eyesight. If I dont wear my glasses the world looks like its soft-edged on everything. Like a dream. You know? But I dont wear my glasses because they are an annoyance. They are nice and expensive ray bans but it's like I have to fiddle with them every once and awhile. Like push them up or whatever. It's annoying. But I would never ever wear contacts.

I think I'm manic right now

Do things somehow to channel hypomania (Use less gas before you run out and crash).

Grounding techniques.

I've been wearing contacts every day for over a decade. No prollem. I can leave them in for a month before I need new ones and don't even realize they're in.

They cost 20 dollars a month.

But I bought the cheaper ones lately that I take out every night and then just wear glasses.

When my eyesight stops getting worse, I'll do laser eye surgery.. but only one eye at a time in case I go blind..

I may look into contacts but idk.

I better just start wearing my glasses.

I talked to my fiance and mom. Fiance and I decided I will be sending most of my paycheck to him when I get it because I have impulsive spending habits. Even tho today was all on gift cards and 40 dollars in cash.

I dont wanna take it back because most of it was to build a vision board for myself.

I woke up at 1:30pm. I wanted to wake up at 8:30am but couldn't fall asleep until 6am cuz my heart would flutter every time I'd drift into sleep which would wake me back up.

I think it could be the energy drinks but I'm having an energy drink right now. Idk.. I try to buy the coffee ones because I think they're healthier..

There's a new antipsychotic in phase 3 clinical trial called "Roluperidone". It helps with negative symptoms.

I believe negative symptoms can be a symptom of positive symptoms.

SP just told me something. She said the steroid shot I got for my back might be causing this. She said it can affect vision and cause mood changes and behaviors. That must be why i been needing my glasses more often lately and this mania. Cuz I'm rarely like this. I'm usually depressed.

Do you have a payee Newtus? I have my sister as my designated payee, so it stopped my impulsive spending, after over 3 years of that I'm getting to the point where I may soon not need one anymore because I can control myself much better

I don't wear contacts either, I never have. I'm kind of scared of them and I like my glasses, plus there's tons of different styles and what not. Right now I have a pair of vera bradley with transition lenses

Be careful with prednisone cuz it can cause psychosis and a bunch of other problems.

"Cataracts or glaucoma" is one of the side effects.

I dont have a payee, no. But I feel like I should just sent a lot of my money to my fiances account. He said he was going to open a savings account. My dad said I can do it online with my regular bank.

Thanks bb and desoxyn. Yall have been pretty helpful.

My negative symptoms or depression is bad today

Paranoid today. worried my messages are being read by people who want to hurt me

Hey for you guys who aren’t on snap, exciting news, I got into library school will be starting in January.

That's awesome!