Roll Call 155

I never cried during a panic attack before but I did today for some reason

We did have to watch a youtube video at work today after second break. It was about 15 minutes long and was sort of interesting, but didn't really pertain to what I do so it was just kind of okay. Work can be boring sometimes. It's either boring or stressful! Ha. No in between. At least it is a good routine for me, coming to work, I do better with a routine.

HUGS @Blue_Bird It seems like you have been getting panic attacks quite a bit lately....does it seem like more than usual? Have you talked to your T about them?

Thanks Kit , Yes I've been having them a lot lately, and really bad ones. I went a year or more without them so I'm not sure why. I talked to my T about them a bit, I'll probably bring it up to my doctor next time I see her

I have klonopin I can take but I don't like relying on it so I rarely take it

I feel I'm the verge of having another panic attack. 😕

Bluebird do you breath into your stomach when this happens....it can prevent some panic...

Yeah, I prevent the panic attacks from coming most of the day but eventually one or two always breaks through all my coping mechanisms and breathing/relaxation stuff eventually. Otherwise I'd be in sheer panic all day, so it is helpful most of the time

Drawing helps a lot, which is why I've been doing it so much lately

Sorry to hear that’s going on...

HUGS @Blue_Bird

Nice to see you @Sometimes psychotic

I'm having a lot of negative thoughts, and when they start they just don't stop. Sigh... I need to save up money and move out of this state. Too many bad memories and mean people.

I moved 30 min away from my dads. Hour or more away from my mom. No one knows me here and it's been great.

Going to bed. Night.

I converted 0.00923484 bitcoin (98 dollars at 10600 dollars to 1 BTC) to 245.825814 ripple (39 cents to 1 XRP). The highest ripple was was 5 dollars.

I have no idea what I'm doing yet..

You sound depressed..

I read 40 books so far this year, which is good considering how bad my concentration was over the past year. It's getting a lot better now though. Normally I can read 70 to 100 books a year, I think I'll set my 2020 goal to 75

Going to have dinner and see a movie with my friend tonight

My dad was having chest pains this morning so he and my Mom went to the ER. They ran some tests and they said it wasn't a heart attack but they are admitting him to the hospital for observation. I really hope he is going to be okay. I don't know what I would do without him. I came to work, but I think I should have called out and gone to the hospital with my Dad. HUGS Kit

I'm not in a good mood. And I took my meds late.

I woke up to a text from the apt we are in saying our date to move out was 10/11 and if we are turning in our keys today. I went from scared to angry in a matter of 30 min. But then they just said they will change it. I just hope they dont tack on fees for having to change it.

And I called my mom. I havent spoke to her in 2 days. Actually 3. My aunt answered and then my mom said she was busy. She said "you know I'm busy when I'm here in California.". I got upset. I just said "ok whatever. I'll just talk to you when you come back to texas". Which will be 9 days from now. Fck it.

HUGS @newtus

Is it wrong to be blunt about certain aspects of my life with people?

I've been blunt about all kinds of things with people. Like if doctors offices or etc need me to pay something, I'll say "I'm gonna have to wait to pay it because I only have a dollar to my name" or something like that. And people are so surprised or they are shocked. Or when I'm open about anxiety and depression. Or just anything else.

Idk.

Either I'm still naive in certain respects or I just dont care. I think a lot of it is naivety. Because I don't have the best social skills. And my social skills are learned like from tv and watching other people in my life.

I hope your Dad is fine.

I am with doctors offices and stuff regarding finances. I have 37 dollars left after my bills are paid for the entire month and that has to go toward necessities only and sometimes people act like you can just pay something no problem, like even a dollar is a problem most of the time. My case manager when I told her I don't have money for the bus most of the time said there's a discount thing and I'm like yeah, but I literally have to count quarters sometimes.