Roll Call 155

Dressed up for work yesterday. Went and got an industrial piercing, and then handed out candy to kids. Got 25 trick or treaters!

I took out what candy I could eat from the leftover candy and brought the rest to work. Coworkers are happy.

Supposed to pay rent today but I might not be able to, my grandma might not have time to carry me to the bank. Kinda stressed out but I'll be ok.

Super duper tired today. Can't wait for the weekend. I'm totally sleeping in tomorrow. My parents are gone this weekend though. I'm afraid I will SH. We'll see how it goes.

Well I'm gonna pay rent monday, as long as I get it done before tuesday I should be fine.

Same here, mine has to be paid by tuesday. I normally turn the check in on the 1st but my sister is busy today and can't stop by till the weekend (she's my rep payee) so I'll turn it in Monday

I paid both complexes today

Layed in bed feeling sorry for myself. Did nothing. Wanted to die.

I have a lot on my plate. People will continue putting me down saying that I'm lost and need to find "meaning". It's crazy. I hate this.

I have to be like SP and exercise my mind to prevent worsening of my cognition. I feel it worsening already.

The main thing I complained about with schizophrenia was negative symptoms. The pessimist nihilistic misanthropy thing. The anhedonia, thought disorder, disorganized speech, amotivation, avolition, zombie brain.

I made an appointment with my therapist on Wednesday and I'm going to see her once a week. I have a lot to say but I don't know how to organize what I want to say because I'm dumb. I can only write. Lindsay asked to talk on the phone, nope.. Can't do that. So I'll be doing a lot of writing.

I'm gonna be in my notes a lot with the self improvement thing. This illness is going to kill me. I could have just been autistic and had a wild sticky imagination where I couldn't tell reality from fiction idk..

I'm gonna book an appointment with my psychiatrist and tell her about everything and try to lower the injection from 150mg to 100mg. I've been taking fish oil 3x a day with other vitamins. I've lost weight so now I'm quite skinny but I want to improve my energy - exercise etc.. mind energy - thinking and mediation, brain games or something.

If all fails and I become a real vegetable, I'll

I talked with my sister about things. She says I need to build confidence, tell people how I really feel but I find it hard to do that cuz I don't like conflict or making people feel uncomfortable about what they're doing wrong.

On FB your piercing looks great!

Good morning! It's been pretty cold, was extremely windy yesterday, had to turn the heat on.

My sister's stopping by later with some stuff I need. Have an appointment at my college Monday which my case manager is taking me to. I have all the paperwork I need, just gotta turn it in. Will be glad to have that taken care of.

I'm signed up for a free turkey basket (a free turkey and all the sides), I get one every year from the agency my case manager is from.

Need to start doing some holiday themed drawings

I feel excited about the holidays! I almost always am but last year I felt nothing towards them, no excitement, pretty much indifference towards them which is very unusual for me.

Morning

Time to unpack

But been working on how to get airplane mode not greyed out on windows 10 for 3 hours omg.

Hope you get it worked out. Computer issues are frustrating

Haven't seen childofchaos around here for awhile, hope she's alright

I keep feeling like I'm gonna pass out the past hour

Have you been eating? Is it too hot inside? What do you think is causing it?

I wasn't eating much for the past several days/week because I barely had any food then I had money today so I bought food and did eat. I'm not sure, it's not hot inside, don't have the heat on today. I didn't sleep well, so not sure. It comes and goes it seems. It seems to be getting better, I just have to be really careful whenever I stand up

For me keeping the meds as low as possible has been critical. With my genotype APs decrease working memory....it seems like the fish oil helps a lot but there are other supplements like ashwaganda that are supposed to work as well. I have to admit I almost tried nicotine at one point despite the heart effects. I feel like this illness forces bad choices. You have to choose for now instead of the future because the APs and the illness are slowly destroying our brains and our bodies. I ve always tried to be healthy but what’s the point when the meds induce metabolic syndrome, however my pdoc was like it could be much worse if you werent fighting it. So we are doubly darned in mind and body trapped between the illness and the cure.

Things are going great with my meds. I still have breakthrough symptoms every now and then but I'm able to cope with them much better

I used to think I was personally at fault or a failure whenever I had symptoms pop up but I realize that it's not my fault, it just happens sometimes and to deal with it and keep moving forward

Sassy cries so much now. All the time. Idk why.

I’m sure she’s just adjusting to the move.

The heels of my feet hurt so unbelievably bad, that I felt like I was gonna faint or something. It started after all the heavy physical move was done.

I'm laying down now. I tried to get out today but I had to come back home after 45 min or so.

It took us from 8am to 6pm to physically move stuff. And I didnt even really do any of that. We woke up at 7am.

But I unpacked nearly everything after and today.

Yesterday was ok.

But the moving help was 3 hours late. I was so pissed off. But he did bust his butt. He never stopped. He said he had gotten into a wreck. Idk if that was true or not. But I had him going up and down the stairs bout 50 times or more. Not to mention that Purple brand mattress was the biggest nightmare ever. It took almost 4 people to get it up. Its like solid foam plus gel and who knows what else. It doesnt have springs tho.

My mom helped. Shes was extremely critical and stressed out so much she was yelling a lot in the beginning. But I realized we couldnt have done it with her and my stepdad. Even with that moving guys help cuz the mattress and fiances desk was impossible.

Fiance is so excited about this whole place. I am too.

We did it all by ourselves financially tho. And I feel like we made very wise decisions with our money. Most of our furniture is secondhand except for the sofa and fiances new desk. And any old furniture we had. And we bought home furnishings like lamps for 8 dollars new at target and other little home furnishings cheap from target too.

So I'm proud. And we paid off the other place and paid this place by ourselves.

That’s a great feeling 😀

Awesome @newtus ! I hope you enjoy your new place

I'm anxious about paying rent, I don't like cutting it so close. I'm worried the bank won't let me get a money order because my ID is expired. Lots of anxiety.