Roll Call 156

I was struggling a lot this morning and earlier this afternoon. I'm feeling a tad bit better now. I got a nice email from my boss so that was kind of nice. And only one hour left of work and then it is the weekend!

How come men in general never feel the urge to bake?

I was thinking you work really late but then time zones lol 😂

I agree with this response.

A lot of pastry chefs are men....maybe they just see it as work not play?

Aww thanks DT, but feel free to retract after I forgot about time zones lol.

Yeah, I generally work 8 AM to 4:30 PM. Sometimes I work 7 AM to 4:30 PM or 6:30 AM to 4:30 PM. It's a pretty good schedule really. When I worked retail my schedule was all over the place. Some days I might not get off work until 2 AM and other times I was going to work at 6 AM. I'll take this cushy accounting hours any day. One of my bosses today was saying that they think they will put me to salary after the new year. Not sure if that is good or bad.

Salary is generally good unless you’re getting overtime now.

I'm over 50% done with the second part of my series, but I'm thinking of maybe setting that aside and maybe work on a novel that's more story and less like an anthology of historical thoughts and movements. I'll have to think this through this weekend and brain storm for a while.

I was off APs for a year, just on mood stabilizer and ADs. I didn't think I'd ever need them again but then things started getting bad again and had a major episode this spring. Now I'm doing well on the ones I'm on

Didn't mean to multiquote

I was off meds completely for about two years before I started to have psychosis again. My moods were pretty stable until they weren’t.

Not feeling the best right now...

All three of you. That is so not good news :/

Was wondering how you were doing.....



What’s going on?

I will tell you something else...being off meds was stressful like every sound I was like real or voice? It was really hard to tell sometimes off meds...my relapse started with knocking sounds which you hear everywhere...I was much more angry too maybe because of bp irritation?

Lots of things... mainly the spirits and such. I'm still living with my BFF's brother and his wife kids and their cousin. No matter where I go or do it seems like it's still bothering me. Even when I'm with other people. I'm on the abilify injections. It's not helping. I've been having a bad few days. I hardly want to eat. All I want to do is either sleep or clean or something to get rid of everything in my ****ing mind and what's outside of my head.

I've lost even more weight. down to 184 right now.

I used to have a severe problem with agitation (Like really severe) when I was 16. I know it's normal for teens to be angry but I was over the top which is why the stupid doctor gave me a bottle of 120 klonopin.

Now I never get agitated. If any, very very little. Except two years ago at the end of my injection I went off at my sister and my mom and apparently had really bad pure obsessional OCD thoughts (The worst I've ever had).

So it could be autism but the antipsychotic seems to have cured that. They use risperidone for agitation in autism. Other than that, I'm completely normal. I don't like that my therapist tries to coerce me into thinking I don't have schizophrenia because she's fascinated by aspergers. I don't have enough symptoms to be considered having that. It's PDD-NOS.

I researched this and it says you can't be diagnosed with schizophrenia if you have autism - Only if you have PDD-NOS and have had hallucinations and such which I've had so it makes sense.

It feels like I'm the only one that is making sense and my therapist is jumping to conclusions. They're just labels but specific labels that can cause harm if used incorrectly and thrown around carelessly because they determine the type of medication and treatment. Medication can be good but I know that antipsychotics can cause damage and it has to be a very very careful process.

It's like I'm the only one that's being careful with this. I was never careful on the high dose Abilify because it made me extremely reckless and have zero insight to risk. Now I'm careful.

I’m sorry this is happening to you and I wish I had a solution but I don’t....I know you’ve tried almost every med and therapy as well...

I used to think I might have Aspergers but I did the seeing the mind in the eyes test and it basically ruled that out. Have you ever taken that test it’s pretty conclusive.

Yeah... I'm at a loss. I don't know what to do. I don't know why everything seems to get worse. I'm also making horrible decisions with a few things but hey it is what it is. I'm just waiting on my life crashing down and ****ing with me again like it was the last time I checked myself into the psych hospital.

I know you were considering clozapine.....is that an option anywhere near you?

I have a wonderful Indian mushroom recipe but I can't remember it all. Used to make it frequently when I lived in Brooklyn.

not the slightest clue and well was denied being able to have it from the doctor at the ****ing hospital because of my weight and history of prediabetes... said nothing else on it other than I had to get on a registry for it and had to be dx with sz or sza... which I am and had to tell her that I was and all she looked up with my intake dx which was psychosis nos and ptsd and before THAT hospital stay I was dx there with Undifferentiated sz so IDFK... at my mental health clinic it's sza bipolar type.

How are you Angelique?