Roll Call 157

Good lord this sounds like my entire life, I have had various problems with dissociation so it’s probably just that flaring up again. I’m not feeling anxious over it, I just noticed it was happening and that’s the unusual part. I usually dissociate from the fact that I’m dissociating, if that makes sense ... ?

It is crazy. In my case I think it stemmed from the abuses that I got since I was a child. My dad confused me by being beating me up without any reason then giving me presents without any reason too. It’s like I couldn’t learn how to behave because the consequences of the same actions I did were varied. Then when I started dating, the guys I dated didn’t allow me to be myself and they used the same stick and carrot strategy which even more confused me. Tuesday I did A and I got carrot, so if Wednesday I did A again logically I’d get carrot right? But no, they gave me stick. I hope I explained this well, I’m not good in putting thoughts into words.

Oh wow. B&b works stuff here is like 20 or 25 for things, mostly less. Like get hand soap, 3 for 20 dollars. But drugstore prices are the same because they carry brands too, not just their stuff. Anyway, I didnt get anything from ulta. I want the Kim Kardashian body makeup. My arms are discolored idk why.

You’re making sense, I was reading about this dynamic not too long ago. I forget the name of it but yeah you’re not crazy there’s a name for this tactic that abusive people use, totally blanking on the name of it now but yep it’s an actual thing. I don’t remember most of my life, it’s amazing what our minds can block out ... gah. I’m sorry, people really suck I’m sorry all of that happened to you.

Ah I see. Get it for yourself for Christmas, after all the hard work you’ve been doing so far you deserve it We only have Sephora here and the products aren’t as much as in States. But it’s better than nothing.

"In the setting of childhood abuse or neglect, dissociation is thought to be a self-protective survival technique in which a child (or adult) slips into a dissociative state in order to escape fully experiencing trauma that is unbearable"

Yep, for me it’s been hard to see it for what it is because I don’t remember my trauma very well. Like, nothing’s there. I just know it happened because it’s on record to have happened. I even talked about it at the time, but then I dissociated from it all entirely as I got older.

Thanks, but I’m (somewhat) okay now. I read a lot about PTSD and about abusive parenting/relationship and stuff, so I understand now what happened to me and how it affected me. What also has been helping is being around supportive people with a strong sense of self so I’m learning to have it from them. I’m sorry you have the same issue, you’re not crazy too

Had a great time with my sister having lunch and coffee. It's snowing a lot, we're supposed to get up to 18 inches, it's already accumulated quite a bit. I have a mouse and mousepad now she gave me for my laptop, so I can start playing PC games like the Sims and Assassins Creed. I talked to my nephew on the phone, it was nice to hear his voice, he's been in prison for 4 years, has 3 more until he gets out. , I miss him, we grew up almost like brother and sister because we're the same age, two months apart.

Got a bunch of necessities for my apartment, cleaning supplies, etc just the typical stuff I need to get every month.

The Invega injection kicking in has been more terrible than usual. I've been laying down and doing nothing but just thinking.

Gonna go to Tim Hortons and buy a coffee + donuts and listen to a podcast.

That’s great to hear. I kind of had to put my trauma and dissociation on the back burner because I had to deal with my schizophrenia, I couldn’t deal with anything else for a long time. The good news is that I do have a lot of support in place already so it’s not like I have no resources to deal with everything else.

Dissociation sucks but it seemed that it was the reason why I survived.

“So.. Thank you Dissociation, I’m safe now your job is done can you please leave?”

Yeah I was dealing with psychosis too. Now that psychosis is on check, time to heal the PTSD. I wish you the best for your journey to recovery, let’s heal together

I dismissed derealization and depersonalization (Dissociation) because how can I have like every mental disorder? That's ridiculous. But labels help to explain things in a way.

I got the dissociation from my bad psychedelic trip. The ketamine provided a relaxing and euphoric dissociation from my depression (To LOOK AT my thoughts rather than BE my thoughts) which was what I needed.

The last dose gave me a dissociative panic attack and then the dissociation was cured.

Glad you had a great time with your sister and reconnecting with your cousin I love grocery shopping

I’m glad you could dismiss the derealization and depersonalization They need to update the DSM 5, the definitions are outdated.

Agreed ... it’s not precise at all and definitely outdated.

You guys would love a video I found on YouTube about a "Depressed bipolar schizophrenic with oppositional defiant disorder" and the psychiatrist is like "I have a mensa IQ and white coat I know everything". It's hilarious.

I'll try and find it later

Yeah as a result we got so many diagnoses that don’t make sense. Most psychiatrists must be SJ types as they like to follow out dated rules and traditions haha

lol seriously, I don’t get the mindset myself. I’m as INTJ as they come and yep, it’s no wonder psychiatrists and I just don’t get along. Well, that and INTJs kind of get stereotyped as being jerks for a reason. I can be a jerk ... towards authority figures mostly.

omg here it is lmao

That’s an ignorant stereotype

hahaahhahahahahahahaahaaaa i cannot lol i love it hahahahaaaa!!! Yes. Perfect.

I own it, because then stupid people don’t get it and then smart people know better.

Hahaha “Psychiatry is so advanced we have no need for stupid concepts like testing or proving, your questions annoy me, don’t think too deeply”.