Roll Call 157

I got groceries delivered. I've been either having them delivered or picking them up from walmart. I'm paying 12 dollars a month for free delivery. Oh well.

Thing is, theres only one main walmart here. Its crowded in the summer. And we went like last week and since it's closer to christmas IT WAS HELL. I vowed I'll do delivery/pickup or shop elsewhere. From now on. There wasnt even any turning space for a basket between all the people. My anxiety and frustration was bad during that time. So no more of in person shopping!

I loved the 24 hour supermarkets when I lived in ny. Shopping at 4 or 5 am was perfect for me.

Do you have Peapod where you live? They're great. I wish I were at home.

No. I'm way too rural for peapod. Walmart delivers tho here.

Yes, that's good. When I moved to Chicago in 2004 one of the stores near me delivered. So I'd go pick out my stuff and pay for it and then they promptly delivered. Peapod is great though. Saves time and money.

Hi everyone! I talked (via Skype) to the owner of the company I work for today. I told her that I have depression and that it has been really bad as of late. I told her that I am on medications (did not tell her about my recent sui attempt though) and that I am going to all my appointments. But since hospitalization has been brought up lately, I didn't want my employer totally blindsided if I do end up hospitalized or something. Anyway, she was super supportive! She said she suffered from depression for 14 years before finally getting the right depression medication and then it just clicked for her! She told me I am not alone. And that my health is more important than work. If I do have to be hospitalized that she will come out from NY to CA if need be to fill in while I am gone. It's like a weight is lifted off of me. That I know work will be okay if I can't be here. And my employer wouldn't be blindsided. I feel so relieved. And I talked to the controller a bit more too. She's awesome. She also told me I am not alone. Almost couldn't have asked for a better response. I still haven't told my bosses here in CA because I don't trust them that much. But someone at work knows what is going on with me...mostly. It feels good. A bit scary too, but mostly good. HUGS Kit

I'm so stressed out.

I kinda dont feel good. I wonder if I may be getting a cold. My boss was sick past 2 days and ugh, I'm probably gonna get it.

I’ve been on Lexapro for three days and haven’t gone crazy so that’s a good sign.

I know last time I was on an antidepressant (by itself) I went hypomanic after a couple days.

Still crossing my fingers.

No joy on a psychologist yet. I emailed like six. One got back to me saying he’s not open to new patients but haven’t heard back from any others yet. I have a feeling I’m going to get a lot of ‘can’t accommodate your hours’ or ‘aren’t taking new patients’.

Finally mailed my mom’s Sherpa socks, been trying to get out of the house all week....looked at the weather next week and decided today would be the day.

That’s great news to have that kind of support

It's snowing again, on top of the ice and 2ft we already got... I need to take the bus to go grocery shopping tomorrow, I hope the buses will be running

Ugh, I feel like crying. But I just can't cry. Not because I'm at work. I almost don't care about that. But I can't cry even though I just want to break down and sob. Crying is exhausting and not crying is exhausting.

I have my work holiday party tonight. I don't want to go. I mean, I do, sort of. But I don't want to have to pretend longer than 8 hours today that everything is great.

When I became psychotic I was overworking myself, the T basically told me that you always have a choice, you don’t have to do anything....now there will be varying levels of consequence but generally things won’t be as bad as you think. For example, if you’re stressed why not postpone getting the tree, do you even need a tree they are expensive and die quickly. Why not get a mini tree you can use year after year, maybe even a predecorated one....look for alternatives.....things don’t have to be a certain way.

Oh no....it’s too early for that kind of snow imo, we aren’t getting anymore until next weekend....

I always hated work parties that were after work, I mean just get us lunch or something......

Time to make some coffee to warm up

Yeah, if things continue like this it's going to be a very rough winter

There’s a work holiday party tomorrow night but they wanted us to spend $50 each for a ticket so hard pass.

If it was free or $20 I would totally go but alas I don’t want to spend $50 on a work function.

Thanks. We are getting an artificial tree. I am overworking myself tho. Thank god I'm not full time employeed. I couldnt handle that right now based off all the stuff I'm doing in my personal life, alone. Never mind work as it is. Its exhausting.

I have a headache. Let's hope my days off arent ruined and it wont turn into a 3 day migraine. With my back hurting on top of all that. I didnt have time to make a doctor appt with a new doctor. I woke up at 11am and had stuff to do until about now at 430pm. And doctors are closing now. I'll wait because I'm not paying out of pocket again for the only urgent care place I can goto. They charge 70 flat fee for just a visit, and then charges go up based on if u need medicine or xray or anything, etc. They dont take insurance. But no emergency rooms here take my insurance and last time I went to one they wanted 1000 upfront. So I left. The only option is medical hospital that has a emergency room attached and i cant afford that long term.

I talked to fiance about Dave ramsey many months ago and he didnt even care. Now he told me his friend told him about Dave ramsey baby steps. So we are gonna try that now.
at least he listened to his friend I guess.

Anyway, and I signed up for 3 classes for college in january. 25 dollars upfront and 400 per class after its over, IF I pass any of them. I can retake and retake for free til i pass. Then i gotta pay.

I should scale back my schedule a bit. For the life of me, and my mental healths sake.

I tried not to go completely broke today, just in case.

Anyway. My busy week is over. So that's relieving. And I didnt do a couple of things that was on my schedule. Like the poetry jam and political webinar. I had to rest, badly.

Hey Newtus did you get your flu shot this year, Texas has a really high flu rate right now.

I think I partially dont feel well cuz I havent eaten today. We have nothing in the fridge except eggs and milk. 2 things I hate and cant really eat at all.

My groceries should be here in the next hour or hour and a half.

Yes I did. Back in October.

2mg psilocybin pills every morning will replace SSRI medications in 10 years. As long as they are working on themselves, stimulating brain and physical exercise with active life after their intense guided trip and along with 5th generation antipsychotics, it will be apart of the med cocktail.

I might start taking a 2.5mg THC gummy every morning again but I feel pretty good right now.

I met my moms ex bf's friend today when I was getting a coffee. It's crazy because we're comfortable about talking about everything without judgement. Anthropology, mental health, etc.. He has ADHD so he just talks and talks and talks. He's the one that gave me the "An unquiet mind" book and a few other books. He reads a lot.

He says he's straight so I shouldn't be worried about another old man doing this to me -



The friend I'm talking to now says I look good but he didn't compliment my eyes and **** like the other old man. I'm just paranoid so..

I cant believe Christmas is in 2 and a half weeks. Its gonna go by fast. Things go by so fast now that I'm working.