Roll Call 157

Apathetic depression is the worst. I'd prefer it to just be melancholic sadness where I cry.. Cuz at least I'm productive writing lyrics or poems and can actually feel something.

Maybe for you it's the antipsychotics making you feel numb? Newtus has this problem with Haldol.

I think your posts are meaningful, can’t help it. I like your brain. It’s okay to talk about it.

Depression sounds awful ... thankfully that’s something else I’ve never been prone to.

I just get ****ing angry, indifferent, and other such BS ... all of that causes its own set of problems ...

It's possible, I guess I'll see how things go the next month then talk to my doctor about it

I just took the Enneagram personality test. I'm type 4, the individualist.

And read this:

I actually did that when I got really sick. I deleted my fb, insta, youtube, and some other social media I had.

What is your enneagram type, sp?

I just like to sort out everything. I think of sexuality "gay, bisexual, asexual, pansexual, straight, demisexual, etc" as labels as well. I dont fit under a specific label. People ask me and I mention a random label and they're like "oh ok now I understand". No. Stop.

You being a 4 makes so much sense, omg.

I’ve been into the Enneagram for a long time, it’s really complex. I like it because there’s a ton of psychology involved and it also gave me a lot of practical things to do that are outside of the usual BS of “let psychiatrists and therapists tell you what to do hurrdurr”.

The thing people forget about labels is that they still mean something specific to the individual.

For me it's like they're all connected. One piece exists because of the other and one doesnt because of the other.. then the meanings to come together for the label to explain them.. I just.. dont have time to think about it.. I'm lazy or something.. or I dont want these things to drive me nuts.. I want to be authentic as 100% possible and not have people believe lies about me in their head even without me knowing..

It's like I need reality to be perfect and make total sense.

I cry silently..

People misunderstanding you and inevitably getting things wrong about you is not a reflection on you. If you’re being authentic and doing your best, then you’re doing more than most people ever bother with.

I don’t think you’re lazy at all.

Reality is a weird thing, I can’t make sense of a lot of it.

I'm so tired. Just want to sleep. Did not get enough sleep last night. So so tired. Work is better though. My coworker that was having an issue, it got resolved. So me skyping the owner at 2 in the morning was unnecessary. IDK sometimes my anxiety gets the better of me.

Could really go for some hot chocolate right now with either whipped cream or marshmallows!

That slit hole particle experiment.. if observing something makes it change, then doing a certain thing or taking any drug can change reality to have a specific outcome..

Like if I smoke vitamin C every day, I could make cars fly..

Reality isn’t as set in stone as everyone thinks it is. To achieve the impossible and thus make it possible someone had to believe they could fundamentally alter reality whether that’s what they realized what they were doing or not.

Sometimes things aren't so fixed in one space and time.

I have some hot apple cider I might make tonight. Since I cant drink milk products.

I just took a test, but my personality is in a state of flux always....anyways says I’m a six with a five wing.....

Checking in. Going to go watch tv soon after this on chnl 2.

I think I have premenstrual dysphoric disorder. Every month it's the same crap, like 5 days of severe anger, irritability/agitation etc

So I took another longer test and I came up type 1 with a nine wing......Perfectionist peacemaker basically. Sounds about right.

That makes sense.

Enneagram scale results

Type 3 - 11.3
Type 4 - 11
Type 9 - 9.3
Type 7 - 9
Type 6 - 8.4
Type 5 - 8
Type 8 - 8
Type 2 - 4.7

I took the test you pay for, 8 was the highest by a very wide margin. I read about all the types in actual books about the subject over time, it’s fascinating stuff.

You probably have a 4 wing.