Roll Call 157

Lol the batteries in my scale died awhile ago ... I think that’s for the best, I’m not overweight but it’s odd how my brain can obsess about numbers in general (seriously I think that’s a part of my schizophrenia) so I don’t think it’s wise to fixate on my weight.

I have a solar powered scale, wah wah.....no such luck.

Solar powered? I didn’t know that was a thing, I need to get with the program aka the 21st century ... lol.

Yeah it only needs ambient room light to work....so it’s nice except for the actually knowing my weight part.....

Most of the sidewalks aren't cleared yet so there's 2ft of snow covering them, and you have to walk in the road to get anywhere, where there's a bunch of cars speeding by. It sucks

I keep meaning to go to the actual grocery store but that is such a pain with all the snow so I keep going to little local stores instead to get by. It's more expensive though. As much as I love snow this is kind of annoying

I just want to hibernate like a bear lol

Gotta go to the laundromat tomorrow. Not going to be fun but it has to be done

My case manager texted me about the apartment complex I've been trying to get into. They want to do an interview. That sounds promising

I hate when that happens

I liked it much better in Minnesota they have a law about shoveling sidewalks because it will just freeze solid all winter, if you don’t shovel by a certain point after a snow they’ll just do it for you and send you the bill. That way all the sidewalks were clean most of the time. I really feel sorry for anyone with a handicap that relies on the sidewalks.

That's how I am. Always 160-162) never under 160 and I want to break through that so bad lol

Yeah I can't imagine being handicapped and having to go out in it. I can barely manage to not fall myself and I'm perfectly fine physically. I see people out in it with walkers and canes , etc. it's crazy. Then of course a lot of people are stuck inside because it's too dangerous to go out

I have 7 out of the 12 sookie stackhouse books (true blood). I got them all at different times from a local used bookstore. They always seem to have some of them there whenever I go. It's fun finding them and getting them like that instead of just buying the box set. Kind of like a treasure hunt

So tempted to walk up to Starbucks and just have coffee as a meal all day...so not good. I suppose it wouldn’t hurt just for today though. We’ll see.

Do they have any holiday themed drinks out now?

I'm so pissed off about my life. I hate that I'm not independent. Why can't my mom just kick me out?

I’m not sure I was just thinking a peppermint mocha I’m sure they can do that........

I'm being stupid. That was a stupid question. I'm so pissed off that I feel stupid.

I complained about people here not sharing the full story. But I can't. I'm too ****ed up from what has happened to me. My brother was able to leave to avoid it all and he's older. My sister was able to better herself and overcome it all. I'm the one that's ****ed up.

Sorry desoxyn.......

I see my psychiatrist tomorrow and I have no idea what to say. Maybe I should stay on the same meds. Maybe I should lower the injection but the psychedelics showed me the truth to reality. Everything I've been psychotic about is real.

I’m going to be honest with you.....it sounds like you’re psychotic now if you’re believing your past Psychosis.....just be honest with your pdoc and let him/her decide what to do. As much as you know about meds you’re not as knowledgeable as an MD.

No it's ok I'm pissed at my mom for being so drunk last night. She drinks every single night. But it was her birthday so I'll let it pass. I dont have a nurse personality so I'm absolutely useless at taking care of people. I was worried about her heart going into arrhythmias and she was wasted and delusional. It was like taking care of someone that is psychotic in real life but I felt like she was doing it on purpose for some reason thinking it was funny. She tried to eat her soup with a fork and wouldn't let me help her like to even give her a spoon. She spilled the soup all over her bed. Every time we went to sleep, she'd get up and say "location" or something. I was so pissed off. Why? Because I said to her while she was pouring a glass of wine, "Dont get so drunk that you wont be ok and I'll worry and have to take care of you" and she said "I might do it anyways". That really pissed me off. But shes dealing with a lot of **** and her cancer. Her car got tode last night She had her ex bf in bed with her and I was complaining that she was giving him mixed feelings saying to leave and then stay then leave like she was borderline or something.

I was soooo mad. I went psychotic for an hour because she kept saying "Am I a good mother?" And I said yes but honestly I dont know. She shouldn't have cheated on my dad in the way she did and said "I have feelings for *ex steo dad*" like every other guy and continues to neglect her children for being drunk and reckless then having anxiety, walking all over me, never letting me have a say in anything. Although I did make her care for me when I was doing so much drugs (because of my step dad and her neglect - always being at my step dads house while I was full blown psychotic thinking they were going to kill me, running in the freezing cold, knocking on their door and running back so I swallowed a bunch of klonopin) so I feel like I deserve it.

Is it possible to be psychotic for a moment when triggered by intense emotion? I was thinking that people created this reality to torture me and that nothing is real and when my mom says she loves me that it isnt real and shes actually a simulation cyborg.

Screwed up stuff.. That's why I'm so pissed off about what the person and the soldiers said to me in the video chats. It still really gets to me because no one tells the truth to me like that in real life and lies.

I was freaking out because I thought she was dead or something because she was lying on her bedside table and bed and she started laughing a bit

And all this ****ing **** about the antipsychotic and my lack of emotions and not wanting a gf or bf. I'm just going to tell everyone I'm gay cuz if I say I'm asexual, people get mad at me because they dont understand.