Roll Call 157

And all this ****ing **** about the antipsychotic and my lack of emotions and not wanting a gf or bf. I'm just going to tell everyone I'm gay cuz if I say I'm asexual, people get mad at me because they dont understand.

My moms friend with bipolar and borderline personality disorder says she'll never find a boyfriend and I support her and stuff but God she wants to fly over to the other side of the country and marry someone that she talks to on the phone (a month ago) because she knew him a bit 20 years ago. She calls him her "fiance".

They were all talking about relationships and she said "No one doesnt want to be in a relationship" in an angry voice and I said "I dont want to" and started laughing..

No it's ok I'm pissed at my mom for being so drunk last night. She drinks every single night. But it was her birthday so I'll let it pass. I dont have a nurse personality so I'm absolutely useless at taking care of people. I was worried about her heart going into arrhythmias and she was wasted and delusional. It was like taking care of someone that is psychotic in real life but I felt like she was doing it on purpose for some reason thinking it was funny. She tried to eat her soup with a fork and wouldn't let me help her like to even give her a spoon. She spilled the soup all over her bed. Every time we went to sleep, she'd get up and say "location" or something. I was so pissed off. Why? Because I said to her while she was pouring a glass of wine, "Dont get so drunk that you wont be ok and I'll worry and have to take care of you" and she said "I might do it anyways". That really pissed me off. But shes dealing with a lot of **** and her cancer. Her car got tode last night She had her ex bf in bed with her and I was complaining that she was giving him mixed feelings saying to leave and then stay then leave like she was borderline or something.


I was soooo mad. I went psychotic for an hour because she kept saying "Am I a good mother?" And I said yes but honestly I dont know. She shouldn't have cheated on my dad in the way she did and said "I have feelings for *ex steo dad*" like every other guy and continues to neglect her children for being drunk and reckless then having anxiety, walking all over me, never letting me have a say in anything. Although I did make her care for me when I was doing so much drugs (because of my step dad and her neglect - always being at my step dads house while I was full blown psychotic thinking they were going to kill me, running in the freezing cold, knocking on their door and running back so I swallowed a bunch of klonopin) so I feel like I deserve it.


Is it possible to be psychotic for a moment when triggered by intense emotion? I was thinking that people created this reality to torture me and that nothing is real and when my mom says she loves me that it isnt real and shes actually a simulation cyborg.


Screwed up stuff.. That's why I'm so pissed off about what the person and the soldiers said to me in the video chats. It still really gets to me because no one tells the truth to me like that in real life and lies.

I’m not sure I was just thinking a peppermint mocha I’m sure they can do that........

This place is supportive and nice. I'm glad I can post here about insanity.. it helps..

I was feeling insecure today about my performance at work, so I asked the controller for feedback. She told me I'm fantastic and she tells everyone how bright I am. That made me feel ridiculously good. I'm trying to not let my insecurities show at work, but sometimes they do get the better of me. I'm glad she reassured me.

I also had issues related with spicy food, and seasoned food on geodon. Even tho I've eaten that stuff all my life.

Could it be GERD? I have it and I used to be able to eat tons and tons of spicy food and coffee, etc and no problems

But once I developed it I have a hard time with foods I ate for years with no issues

Have 2 cans of pumpkin. Trying to decide what to do with them. Maybe make a pumpkin cake?

It's possible. Either that or ibs. But ima goto the doctor about that and my back.

Have you tried a probiotic @newtus? I used to have a lot of tummy trouble and then I started taking a probiotic and it helped a lot. But the rexulti messes up my stomach and the probiotic doesn't help enough. =(

Probiotic. The opposite of an antibiotic. Bacteria that multiplies in the intestines to provide better digestion and a happy stomach.