Roll Call 158!

Still waiting for that darn package.

blu misses me :3 I miss him too he makes me think about my uncle who passed a year and a half ago.

I don't say anything bad about people but I don't say anything nice either. I had to learn how to say nice things.

Giving gifts is a whole other dimension of foreign concept to me

Yeah giving gifts is pretty awesome I think. I love giving them to my family and friends who appreciate it. I don’t have much money this year so I only bought the kids I live with now. My bffs two boys. And something for my youngest sister. I spent the rest of my stuff on stuff for the house and ****. As long at the kids get something and then that’s all I care about. I did get stuff for a couple other adults. Like my bff and the friend I live with. My stepdad and when I get a chance I wanna get my mom something when I get money. My friend still owes me 220 dollars for the vet because she was feeling sick and thought she had a UTI only to find out she’s just drinking too much water.

About halfway through my work day. So bored.

I'm glad you have a safety plan Sorry Christmas is going a little differently than you planned, I hope it's not too stressful though

Finally got the package!!! Haha waited on the couch from 8am til 2:30pm for it. It required a signature so I couldnt miss it or I'd have to get it after jan 1st.

Yo how’s it going? Great to see you.

Oh god, I’m the opposite. I compulsively give gifts, not just during the holiday season either. Never understood why I feel the need to do that, it’s automatic behavior. What’s also weird is what happens when someone asks me what I want ... lol I have no idea! I just stare at whoever it is with the funniest look on my face because it never occurs to me to ever want anything from anyone. That ... can’t be normal ... wtf ahaha

I’m meh. Not been the best of year. Fallout with friends and mental stability on the rocks. I moved out to friends so I wouldn’t be alone all day and have company. It’s been drama with family and such.

That ****ing sucks but hey I don’t need to say that do I? I get it, actually, I’ve had more than my fair share of interpersonal drama this year too. Gah, it’s tiring and yep mental stability loves to start disappearing on you when you need it the most. Pfft.

This right here makes me wonder if I miss signs of fear/anxiety because I never notice it in myself. I think I’m way less fearful than what’s average but surely I get scared like everyone else does at some point, but I’m just not consciously aware of it.

Yeah, I’ve been to the hospital 4 times since February. And a couple of er visits because of meds. So meh. I’m trying though even sometimes it’s feel like giving up. Anxiety pretty high. Paranoia. Meh I give up complaining. I just want to feel alright.

A 5-10mg Dexedrine would be nice to just sit and relax, read books. I'll ask my psychiatrist to give some for the evening. She likely will. I don't think I'll lower the injection right now. I have a few axons, dendrites and cell bodies of brain cells to spare.

No one could figure out how to work this weird can opener. I find out that the blade was cutting the side of the can so the blade was inside and where it should be is a grip for turning the can.. then there's a clip on the side that is used to pinching the top off with it.. Never seen anything like that.

I have faith that the Invega hasn't killed much brain cells yet. I realize that my mom saying that I used to "Take things apart and put them back together" when I was a kid is a good thing.. I always thought of it as a bad thing.. Like a conviction that I was weird..

Sometimes I just want to not be weird and have people not laugh at me.. Especially fake people.

My sister is good with electronics though and figuring them out for my mom instead of me. When people have confidence in their genius, they can do anything with patience..

I always seem to be the one that figures out things for people. I didn't like people praising me cuz it's like winning and I never liked winning. It's cuz I would win all the time maybe and it just seems fake. I'm starting to realize that. Like with sports, I was better than everyone especially sprinting. But I'd just do it cuz people praised me and it felt uncomfortable still.

I am a can opening master..

But don't mind me I have two brains cells that talk to each other and those are my thoughts

Saw my sister today and also made plans to hang out with my friend tomorrow

My cognition has died. Don't feel like reading. But I'll try anyways.

I watch harry potter often. J. K. Rowling has been under attack for the past couple of weeks by trans people. So now they want to suddenly attack the stories. Crazy what hate does to people.

Which is your favorite movie? I think mine is the order of the phoenix because Umbridge is such a real character to me. Then Deathly Hollow 1 and 2.

That's wonderful! !

I made some breakthrough for my short when I get it back from my editor for two interlocutors. I still have a ways to go I feel. I have no idea what kind of shape my editor is going to hand me. Is it going to be mostly fixed, or reflextions on where I went wrong, or whatever else.

My friend visited this afternoon for a longish visit. It was great. I forgot to ask if he'll take me to a bar. I just want one or two drinks. No more than that.

I didn't try to call my mother yesterday. I did try once today but there was no answer. I feel heavy and exhausted. I didn't sleep much last night.

I'm going to try to get a regular Coke now. I hope I do, I'm really wanting one.

Hope everyone's ok.

I don't think my IQ is high enough or if my cognition can handle the stress enough to solve my sexuality puzzle but this is the best I can come up with;

(Abro)-Grey-Demi-Fray-Heteroromantic Abro-Fray-Homoromantic Bi-Grey-Demi-Abrosexual (Asexual)

Lol

The more I think about it, the more confusing it is.

Reality is absolutely nuts

My reality is different than your reality