Roll Call 158!

Hi Everyone. Popping in to say hey. I'm super tired today. I was stressed all weekend. I sent the owner some "upward feedback" and then freaked out. Upward feedback isn't always appreciated. I did the whole, here is what I think the problem is, here is what I think we can do about it, here is what I think we are doing good at. Blah. But I was still worried. Talked to her today and she seemed to appreciate it so that's good. Went to Disneyland this weekend. Went solo though. Spent 6 hours in the car and 7 at the park. So tired. Then and now. I'm like dude I just want to sleep. I have Pastor T tonight, Regular T tomorrow night and then I don't know when I am going to see either one. That sort of freaks me out. I was having hallucinations a lot this weekend. I'm so tired. I"m at 35 days though no SH, so that's pretty good. Proud of myself for that. I keep getting cold in my office then hot in my office. Lame. Can't find a temperature that I like. So many people are out right now because they are taking time off for the holidays. That's cool but I gotta fill in for one girl and I don't know exactly everything she does. So kind of stressful which makes me tired. Took two xanax this morning but they should have worn off by now. Just want to sleep. HUGS all Kit

I think my new safe space is the game room/hang out room.

I feel really relaxed there. I told fiance he can decorate it but I'm wondering if I can too.

I'm starting to get excited about Christmas now.

It's weird cuz I know I'm not getting a lot but idk this year just feels different.

Geez, time flies. I forgot completely. Without a smartphone I’d never know what the date is. Lol.

I like the cold, personally. But I know it’s not for everybody by a long shot.

Omg food... the marijuana made me hungry.. soupppp...

I got a check from medicare. Cool.

Omg I just got a refund from amazon too.

I feel so dissociated right now

How did u do on vraylar?

It was very activating. Most AP's make me tired, but Vraylar made me need less sleep and more energetic overall. It did pretty well for my symptoms, unfortunately I got akathisia a few months in so I had to stop it.

Waiting on my editor to tell me what's up on my short story. He said he'd get back to me today but he hasn't. I'm really excited to share this. I hope his services aren't too expensive though. I hope he is able to finish it by Friday...

I'm just gonna.. Lie down.. Take a little nap...

*Dies of course*

Oh no. Ok. I got put on it today.

What does It means when an AP is activating?

Like how geodon was for you, it picks you up not makes you lethargic.....

My dad just fell and busted his nose and hand.........I was talking to him through his ring doorbell, he didnt know it was me, and he got scared and fell. I should be killed. It's my fault. Fck me. I hope I goto hell.

Working on another drawing

not finished yet

What kind of ice cream to get. Chocolate peanut butter cup, coffee, mint cookie crumble???

One of my cats always seems to know when I'm having a problem with paranoia or voices. She comes and lays right next to me under the covers or if I'm up she follows me around keeping watch over me

My cat is the same way

I can't trip anymore cuz my cat knows

Here's one way psychosis can be in some way, art..

I wrote something to do with god, planets, aliens, etc.. (When I was psychotic in 2017 (21 years old) - When I was moderated on here) and I wrote down symbols in a circle.. I kept writing down each symbol and every time I did, I connected them together.. Until I made 9 symbols.. I connected them all together..

I realized to myself, "Holy ****ing ****.. I remember learning this in school.. It's the 9 divisibility rule in mathematics"..

Honestly, to say, it was brilliant. It made me realize how much of a trippy matrix dream of a life we're in.. That and the paradox that I was obsessed with when I was 16.. I remember when I was a kid, I was walking and thought of people in my head looking through my eyes and controlling my movements with a control system and steering wheel... It must have been an aspie thing..

It's all very interesting stuff and meant something very important to me at the time.. I wish I kept the paper with the symbols on it because it was so cool.. I ripped it up and threw it away because I didn't want anyone to see and think that I needed to end up back in the psych ward...

And that's why the woman in the psych ward was talking about how important the number 9 was.. (She would count to 9 and tell me things about the numbers..) She said she was stupid and I was seemed to be too "INTP" (Which is what I think she meant I guess) and I was smart but I "See the truth" or something a little bit (She was asking people questions and she was saying to some people "You have it too a little bit!" and they were all different questions.. She did card tricks with me and I was amazed/or psychotic) and should do meth like she did to make me a bit stupid because she said her being stupid is ok... She was the most psychotic person I've ever met (Stupid has nothing to do with it) but I was psychotic in 2017 because of the meth and MDMA..

She said that she would see me again.. Idk if it's in the afterlife or not.. There's other people in the psych ward that were obsessed with me and said that they would see me again.. (Still not sure if it's in the afterlife)...

It really really creeps me out to this day...

Idk if it's a good idea to put a bunch of mentally ill people together in one place.. Because the really crazy ones tell the less crazy ones the truth.. And trust me, it's the real truth..

Disclaimer: Everyone is crazy and normal and there is no truth in psychosis.