Roll Call 158!

I gotta work 8 hours on monday. A full shift.

I work Monday and Tuesday next week.

And it’s bull on Christmas Eve. Office closes a noon, right. We’re supposed to start at our regular hours and finish at noon. So I work 630-12.

Meanwhile someone else gets to work 9-12. I’m not allowed to change my shift or take a different lunch time to leave at 1130.

How is that fair?

Bull ****.

The doc at IP put me on Abilify Maintena and took me off the Thorazine for safety reasons... I start PHP again Monday. Then have 2 days off and go Thursday and Friday.

My sister is going to help me get some new clothes since a lot of my stuff doesn't fit right anymore

Good to see you back! I hope PHP is helpful

I have so many replied, yet not one appropriate on lol

I said to my mom and sister, "Christmas is celebrating a schizophrenics birthday" and then my sister was all like "Jesus wasn't schizophrenic - So you're saying everyone should celebrate your birthday?" and I was like "Wtf this has nothing to do with me" and my mom said "No he's saying Jesus was schizophrenic", my sister said "Jesus wasn't real. The bible was a story about him" so my mom said "Yes and they can be so convincing".

I told my mom "I know a woman online (AD) that said that she believed in her delusions so much and was so convincing that she convinced her treatment team that her delusions were real".. She said "Yes and you can do that too. Only me and your sister really know you. You seem normal but can be so convincing".. My sister said "Yes he recently convinced his therapist that he didn't have schizophrenia and to go off of his injection".. My mom said "People with schizophrenia and con artists can be so convincing.. Like remember you were in the psych ward and someone convinced you to search for gold mine combinations from leprechauns?".

But my mom said to think about the real meaning of Christmas like being together with friends and family and just the theme in general.. Even if it's about Jesus for some people..

I think you’ll appreciate it more when you get your full pay for the week.....

Abilify is a pretty good med if you don’t get akathisia.....

Think I'm getting sick. Getting a sore throat. My voice is all scratchy.

I'm only working monday and Thursday this next week. We have Christmas eve off. I dont mind working that much because I only have to work 2 days. 8 hours on Monday and 7 on Thursday cuz I took friday off and we are off the other days.

I felt like I am too but I may not get fully sick since I got my flu shot.

That’s what I mean, if it were like a two hour day you’d end up getting half the pay next week.....

Yeah same here, got mine in October so hopefully it doesn't get bad

Having a cup of sleepytime tea and have the Yule log playing

True. But no matter if I take or if it's a holiday I have to work the full 15 hours somehow during the week. Which i guess is fine. Also, the amount I can make has gone up for next year another 100 or 150 dollars. So has the COLA but I'm actually getting less next year due to more being taken out of my medicare part d.

Just saw a post from Nintendo on the switch news area thingy. They have their own yule log video. Theres a yule log in the background and 30 min of someone playing zelda and super Mario party in the foreground. Pretty interesting. May actually put it on during Christmas.

So fiance and I have decided to open up each others presents on Christmas eve. And then start at the furthest house away from us on Christmas day. So itll be my moms, his moms, and then my dads. We will work our way in!

I bought good tequila today and had a couple shots with my sister. I feel like I want to drink more to escape but I won’t. I have to learn to pace myself and deal. Good relationship with alcohol is key.

Ugh, I keep thinking of going off of meds, but then I often realize that I'd probably be feeling way worse if I went off of them. I don't know why my brain behaves in the way it does sometimes. Oh well. I have to learn to live with these thoughts, I suppose.

I'm always thinking about that too

I always kind of want to see how I am off meds, like if I were to completely stop them over time I'm curious as to how I'd do. I haven't been off meds completely since I was 18. I'm on 5 of them

There's no telling what all those chemicals are doing and interacting together in my brain...

Can't sleep despite being terribly sleepy

My doctor said that he'd have me do labs next time I see him, hopefully my lithium levels are ok

This is what I'm planning this winter;

I'm on Invega Sustenna 150mg every 4 weeks. I want to decrease to 100mg.. but my psychiatrist will probably put it to 100mg every 3 weeks.. This is why;

150mg divided by 21 days = 7.14mg (Before)
150mg divided by 28 days = 5.36mg (Now)
100mg divided by 21 days = 4.76mg (Next step)
100mg divided by 28 days = 3.57mg (Next step after that)

So at least it's decreased by half.

Then I want to maybe decrease the 50mg night atenolol to 25mg and keep the morning dose at 50mg.

50mg Vyvanse will stay the same (But I want an optional 2x 5mg Dexedrine to take when I need to focus in the evening).

50mg Seroquel will stay the same.

Phenibut taper;
1.5g, 1.4g, 1.3g, 1.2g, 1.1g, 1g. .9g, .8g, .7g, .6g, .5g, .4g, .3g, .2g. .1g (12g taper with 25mg CBD every night - 375mg CBD) - Then that will be gone and I'll use 2g once every 3-4 days.

Then I will get rid of the 10mg melatonin at night (To 5mg then 0mg).

I have 17 refills of 20x 5mg Zyprexa which I'll use for psychosis caused by withdrawal of the injection.

4x fish oil and 1000ui vitamin D every day (Will ask doctor for blood test to see how much vitamin D I need every day + SAD lamp for the winter).

Already quit smoking (Will use nicotine gum for a year or two then quit).

Then 3mg legal psilacetin (Soul revealing drug) and 2.5mg THC gummy every morning for a month (3g shroom).
20 minutes of meditation every evening.
Skiing, snowshoeing and hiking (Exercise), (Summer = Hiking, mountain biking and running).
No alcohol (Soul eating spirit).
Routine.
Solving hard puzzles on brain game apps and internet.
Talking to people at coffee connections.
Phenibut during talks with treatment team to improve sociality with my thoughts.
Reading books at least an hour every day and at least one short story.
Podcasts at least an hour every day.
Watch interesting Netflix shows.
Warm showers for 5 minutes, followed by cold showers for 5 minutes, followed by colder water for 30 seconds and then warm water for 20 seconds.
3 day water fasts twice in one month.
10 hours of sleep every night (Instead of 12 - Sleep at 12am, wake up at 9am, take Vyvanse, go back to sleep, wake up again at 10am).
Get part time job.
Research investing in stock market, cryptocurrency and day trading.
Research notes on a few different things such as paradox, anhedonia, cure for different mental illnesses.
Writing songs and poems, playing guitar and piano and using synth on computer, find inspiring songs.
Add autistic savant guy and transgender m2f lesbian (Two smart people - One is the biggest online dealer in Canada and other is like Alexander Shulgin that creates her own molecules) to my WhatsApp group of research chemical friends.
Research about my moms specific breast cancer.
Think about what books I want to write in the future - Study omnist religious study, western esotericism, buddhism, science fiction, philosophy (Alan Watts, Terence Mckenna).
Watch news (And investing news).
Learn about one country every day (Learn Spanish).
Maybe study cryptography and coding.
Find careers (Go back to doing college courses).
Learn about addiction, psychedelic therapy and pharmacology.
Learn about hacking and scamming.
Learn to draw and how to make money online.
Learn one new word every day.