Roll Call 168 =)

I really cannot focus on anything lately. I don't want to focus on anything. I don't have the attention. I just wrote some fiction for like 20 minutes and read it out loud recording it in my voice. But I feel like I've accomplished nothing. I am trying to listen to an audiobook now while posting on PC. I have ridiculously high expectations for myself. Anyone know how to lower expectations of self?

And yeah, I'm gonna try the three things at once thing to try to break out of this funk. I am having trouble figuring out a third thing though.

Maybe try setting smaller goals and try to meet some of those, that is what I have been doing.

Feeling a little better a few hours after the Trilafon. Hope I can get through the night okay. The night is always my hardest time.

I plan on reading for about an hour "A beginners guide to constructing the universe". I'm gonna try and get it finished soon.

It's just so hot, the olanzepine has zombified me, I can't sit in the living room cuz my mom is there and I drank too much water. I want to take an extra Vyvanse but then I'd be up all night.

But I'll ignore all of these and read. I'll be back in an hour =]

Holy fack I'm bringing my moms fan into my room....

I just tried the "three things" thing and had success.

Haha. I read a book while listening to music and dancing to the music.

I feel a lot better now.

Read for almost an hour. Gonna read more then go to sleep.

See I just need to be able to start things.

It's so hot. I have all the windows and doors open to let in cool air. It's only 70 degrees F - But I'm a Canadian so..

Yeah the only problem with that is that I need to meet some of these bigger goals such as getting a paper done for grad school, etc.

I don't know what small goal I'd set. Write a page? I don't know.

It's just weird because I've never had too much trouble with motivation for school before and now it's like pulling teeth. I literally am not doing any work.

So glad this worked for you

I find if I’m overwhelmed I kinda stop doing work.....

In pain with my side

Just got out the ER.

They said possible kidney infection but maybe just pulled a muscle. No appendix issues tho. No kidney stones.

Let me say first this started WAY before I got the dang Virtual Reality headset. But the matrix done fckd me up.

I must be slightly manic/hypomanic. I can feel myself talking fast but people don’t seem to be...idk acting different. Like how they act when I move real quick like this. I’ve been on and off this VR headset.

I SHOULD sleep. Maybe I will after I take my meds.

I'm trying to cheer myself up. I feel very agitated. I thought of everything I have, that its the weekend, I had coffee.

I woke up in a bad mood. I almost exploded at the bank teller when she told me she won't process my check because it was incomplete.

I just turned on music, bought an amazon speaker, and sent a message to a really cute woman on OkCupid. I feel a little bit better...

It sounds like you’re primarily experiencing negative emotions....could you be in a depression?

I’m not sure if it’s hypo or just excitement they can look alike......either way you need to sleep

I didn't sleep well. Plus I was hungry. Plus I never feel positive emotions. It all builds.

Got it, but have you ever treated it like depression? I just mean anhedonia can be part of depression and sz so maybe treating it like depression would work?

I've tried ssri's, snri's, Wellbutrin, tinkered with all sorts of other drugs, and it gets worse and worse. I've been anhedonic for 7 years not. Alcohol is the only escape, and it's very mild, but it's an escape. Once in awhile I have dreams that seem emotional.

It's not just that I'm use to hypomania, if you saw my room, you'd see I'm anhedonic because I lack motivation severely. emotion--> motivation

I have brain damage from all the drugs. I've tried.

What about d-serine or glycine, sarcosine or even ashwaganda?

Sarcosine + NAC (n-acetylcysteine) Success Stories for Anhedonia : Anhedonia_Recovery

Walked to family dollar to get some stuff. It's hot as hell, I felt like I was dying/gonna pass out on the walk back home. The gallon of milk I had in my backpack leaked the entire way home and I didn't realize it till I got back. Anyway, I got some cookie mix to make chocolate chip cookies

Bluebird are you doing ok this morning?