Roll Call 172

I clench when I am manic or psychotic a lot.

I had a severe panic attack last night.

I was walking across town and listening to Terence McKenna - Talking about psychedelics. Maybe I shouldn't listen to that stuff in public but I shut it off as soon as I got to the busy part of town.

As I was walking back, he was talking about DMT and I started to think in 3rd person. I went inside and a song was stuck in my head and my internal thoughts turned into other peoples thoughts as well as Terence Mckenna. I thought I was him.

I then started to get derealization and my eyes were switching around and around - My heart started to beat fast and I couldn't breath in deeply.

I took idk how much benzos. I feel screwed because I know it's going to happen again. It started when I went to the doctors office and he was misunderstanding me and say I think about feeling too much, etc..

I was thinking about nihilism too. It was too hot to sleep.

I really want to make a mug brownie but shouldn't

I say go for it. But that’s me

Yeah I just made it, eating it now lol

Here's the recipe I used, it was so fudgy and delicious.

Fudgy Mug Brownie - Kirbie's Cravings

Des, i am so sorry. Look, why not just look into Clozaril? It works so flipping good for all this psychotic **** u and I deal with. I was about to start it, but we tried 6 mg Trilafon and it is a FREAKING miracle drug. Almost 90 percenr reduction in psychosis. Check thosee 2 out. Trilafo nonsedating!!!! Trilafon is my Clozaril.

[QUOTE=Blue_Bird;6900161]I really want to make a mug brownie but shouldn't[/QUOTu shld!!!!!!!!

I have a headache

[QUOTE=bpcyclist;6900213]

Are you ok man? You’ve been acting different lately.

[QUOTE=newtus;6900216]Me or Blue?

The Invega Sustenna 150mg every 3 weeks and olanzepine 5mg every night has made my psychosis almost non-existent.

The reason I get dp/dr is because of the psilocybin overdoses. I find it weird that I tend to have a lot of cormobidity in mental illnesses. It makes me think that I'm a hypochondriac - But my only diagnosis is being on the schizo-autism spectrum - Which is one hell of a whack to the mind.

My microdose capsules arrived and I'm not going to use them because of the dp/dr (It will make that worse). My brain is still trying to process the trauma of my bad trips. Will it lead to benzo dependency? I hope not. Benzos seem to be the only things that help -

- Also Vyvanse helps. I've never had dp/dr while on Vyvanse. Only when it wears off.. I start staring blankly into space and have maladaptive daydreaming.

It's all a mess and what I need to do is just write or talk about it - But it's really tiring. I just need a break. I try to distract myself but can't "do things". My doctor says I need to think less and just do - But that's really hard for me..

I'm feeling pretty good right now. I'm focused and calm. But when night time rolls around, I have to prepare myself for horror. I'll go to sleep at 12-1am tonight cuz I'm scared when 2am hits where I could have a panic attack.

My panic attacks are so unbelievably horrifying because they don't go away unless I take a benzo. I just panic for hours. I wonder how long they actually last without taking one - 24 hour panic attack? Idk... Everything becomes one and I hear voices in my head (Dissociative ones).. So I guess ketamine isn't a good idea.. I get scared of people laughing and trying to harm me also fearing that my cat knows, etc..

It's like a seizure but being conscious. But I'll be ok. I'm gonna figure out what I want to do today and just distract myself.

My mouth still hurts. Ugh.

Oh, me. Yeah, really hypo and no sleep for 35 hrs. Super sorry. Trying to be safe and no email or texts or shopping or leaving apt. Trump cops arresting people here. I have an insanity pleading on record. Wld be bad. Posting and here cuz u guys know me and accept me when I am like this. Really sorry if I am annoying you, newtus

[QUOTE=bpcyclist;6900217]

U, my friend. I’m worried about you

I hate when I like (platonically) someone more than they like me. Not that it has to be equal like, but when it is heavily unequal it is bothersome. It makes me feel bad about myself for some reason. Even though there's not really a reason why I should...that I can think of.

That's a long time with no sleep. Sorry you are hypo. But we do accept you however you are. HUGS Kit

Wow that mug brownie was decadent. I feel so full like I don't even need dinner

Esther, my cat, is doing better now that she's been on the antibiotics a few days. Her eyes look more clear and she seems to have more alertness in her. A little more spunk!

After 36 hours awake, I start to get microsleeps. I can't stay awake for very long because I always need a loott of sleep.

I need a lot of sleep too. At least 8 hours to function which is what I usually get when I work, but when I am not working I get more like 10 or 11 hours of sleep. Then I'm optimal!

Bipolar disorder and schizoaffective disorder are basically szr disorders.

Dude, u r what I would call all over the place pretty often--kinda not totally stable, honestly. Like me, really. I think u can do better. I just want u to feel better.

Oh no no no

I’m just worried about you, my friend!

Be safe

U r so sweet, Kit--thanks

[QUOTE=newtus;6900223]Oh, thank u. Very sorry if I am annoying u.