Roll Call 173

I'm in hell

I suppose I'll just listen to music and chill

slipping between reality and psychosis

dont know if i need hospital

Maybe you'll feel better after sleep. I hope so.

I got to see my friend through the window yesterday, it was a tonic! It cheered me up. Now though I have anxiety through the roof.

They've lost two pairs of jeans in the past two weeks. Plus some small implements like a tweezers, and a small mirror. But I'm worried my friend will be terribly pissed off at me because I asked him to send me 10 one liters of soda. I hope he won't get upset. Life is just easier here with lots of soda. It gives me a reason to get up in the morning.

I have one pair of pants left, but they're like black denim, opaque and kind of tight.

I don't know what to do about my missing pants. Lean heavier on the laundry staff I guess, in a polite way.

Everyone seems to not be doing well.

*hugs* everyone

I seem to be better off with no alcohol in the house. When I don’t have alcohol everything is fine and I barely want alcohol. When I have alcohol in the house I feel this impulsive need to just drink it.

My sister drank some of the tequila but I went through a box of wine and most of a bottle of tequila in like a week. Ugh. I’m better off without it.

I'm like you in that way with the vape and soda - Except for me it's chemicals/molecules/drugs/meds. They give me something to think about and helps with negative symptoms of not being able to do much.

The only issue is if the ones you add on are undermining the ones you are prescribed, and from what I observe, you don't have that problem now. If you went back to THC and mushrooms, that could badly affect you. Even though you're going through a bad patch, you have the sense to avoid hallucinogens.

I am a sugar addict. Sometimes I wonder if it is starting to make me sick but I hope not.

I don’t know whether to do the intensive outpatient program or not to do it. Help me decide?

Yeah I thought of smoking weed yesterday but I've learned from past experiences that that's a bad idea.. So I didn't..

It just takes a while for me to learn. I have low dose mush capsules but I'm gonna wait until my depersonalization/derealization is gone and I've learned more about meditation/spirituality - This may be a year or two.

I'm incredibly honest to everyone in my life about these things. Ketamine nasal spray would be good because it worked in January - March of last year.

Idk how good I was doing last year but it was better than this year. I was having psychosis when I lowered the Invega Sustenna injection to 4 weeks but it's back to every 3 weeks now again.

So far my meds are keeping me stable and I'm very cautious about what I do now (Because of the bad trip making me fear death so much - I hallucinated a skull and crossbones, maggots, scorpions, spiders, etc).

So far so good. Eventually I'll move to the west coast of Canada and can have a nice environment and be able to go to school.

I told my doctor about ketamine and he said that one guy in town gets infusions but he wants to check with my psychiatrist to make sure that it's a good idea. I can't get a hold of my psychiatrist but will try to again this week. Ketamine doesn't harm me because it's just a dissociative but psychedelics do.

I was thinking of doing it to get on the right meds but these seem to be the best meds for me.

Maybe write down a list of pros and cons as to why you'd think it would be helpful or not.

I'd like to try ketamin too. My ad doesn't really help that much. If I were let loose back to my apartment I'd stay on everything and just add a prn supply for a benzo. My meds before I was here were a pretty good cocktail. But I was getting worried about taking the Ativan too frequently. I wish I knew where it was, but actually my friend could not get it to me here anymore because covid.

I think I'm gonna do it. My meds are fine but I need better strategies for dealing with doubts and indecision and stuff like that.

I've done partial hospital a few times and that's helped a lot

Sometimes I don't even notice my negative symptoms - But when I do, I say I'm depressed. I don't feel any low mood though - Rarely I do.

So just for clarification, it's the negative symptoms.

ordered fast food...

What did ya get?!

I say do it. Prolly will help. Really helped me a ton.

Good morning. Slept 9 hours 4 minutes, woke up on time and took a shower. Now just enjoying some coffee and relaxing till my ride comes this afternoon for my appointment.

Taking the bus to walmart after I get back from my appointment to get a 100 pack of crayola colored pencils

I need a job but I just realized if I take a job now, I will be overextending myself with things I have to do. Idk what to do.

I suppose I could do freelance work but idk, idk where to find any really.

If you’re taking four classes I would not get a job.....

Yea that’s what I’m saying. Unemployment has been extended and raised another 200 dollars. But idk for how long, which is what I’m worried about.

Don’t you get loans for cost of living while in school?

Idk do I? I guess I do. If it’s regular fafsa loans then ya I guess I do.