Roll Call 176

Yes that sounds nice

I wonder if I could hide a small camera to see which of these people are the thieves. They'd steal the camera if they saw it.

A locked suitcase isn't practical because there's no place to store it. The bed frame takes a lot of space.

Can you store something under the bed?

Did laundry and went grocery shopping. Still have to go to Family Dollar later. I don't know why people don't understand the 6ft distance thing in the grocery store. This was the second or third time someone was all up on me in the checkout line.

God I know some people have no clue. Makes me upset.

I woke up in the middle of the night, drew on my hand with pen and licked it and then went back to bed idk wtf

I was hungry for ink...

Day of contemplation.

I’m here but why am I here? In this life and world. Idk. Idk why I was chosen out of so many souls to be here.

This is one of many things I think some days. Philosophy is valuable to me but there’s no answers. Where philosophy can’t answer, I just seem to fill in the blank with my personal thoughts.

I thought about teaching a course on Udemy about to achieve self-awareness through existential philosophy. But now I’m like “why did I even think that?”

I can feel my agoraphobia kicking in along with my anxiety

My Endo hurts again damn. I hope I don’t have to go to the hospital or get a surgery now. Jakarta is a red area for Covid. It’s not a small city with a low population’s number. It’s just too risky to go to the hospital now.

I’m sorry

I hate hate when people do this. It happens all the time here. My solution is to go grocery either very early in the morning or very late at night. Less idiots wander around during those time

My mind is somewhere where time and space meet in the universe.

I’ve been doing grocery delivery since may now

Yup this is a good move too.

I’ll never be well again. I won’t. I give up trying to be well. All I ever do now is go in and out of psychosis. I’m fine for a week or two and then I’m back in psychosis for another few days or a week. Maybe this is who I am.

School was not a good choice. Working is not a good Choice right now but I need extra money somehow.

Biden won! Yay! Longest Tuesday ever.

Yayyyy congrats guys!!

You will be okay again. It’s a hard time for everyone, let alone for us with our mental illness. Staying sane at times like this is an achievement in itself. Be gentle to yourself. Take your meds regularly. Find a fun distraction. We’re here for you

Thank you. Makes me want to cry thank you so much

I'm surrounded by death. My friends papa (also my papa too) has passed. A roommate cousin is in ICU for overdosing on my whole bottle of lamictal and my other roommates meds too yesterday morning at our house.. Not long before that I found out my dads sister died in a car crash. I knew the grim reaper I saw was real. People say I need a way to focus on living and not so much of dying. No matter how bad I want to self harm and people saying it's not worth it... a big chunk of me wants to do so.

Just got back from Family Dollar. Got everything I needed, except aluminum foil, couldn't find where that was and they were restocking stuff and had tons and tons of boxes everywhere in the way so I didn't feel like trying to get through them to find it. I'll get it some other time. Anyway, the cashier asked if I wanted to buy a Reeses for $1 to help them against their competition and I got it. I wasn't planning on buying candy but she was super nice it's only $1. They're very friendly at that store, good customer service.

I’m sorry life’s been tough for you lately, Erti

I ordered stuff from China to make a scrapbook. They were on discount with only $1 shipping cost. I couldn’t resist. Also I’m in a physical pain I deserve something nice *excuses*

My sister is coming over next weekend to have coffee and pumpkin pie. Looking forward to that.

Thank's 12am. The work of the dead reaper has been obvious these past couple of months.