Roll Call 176

Pdoc knows about that. He’s not doing anything for it right now and he doesn’t want to change my meds.

I can’t take vacation. I’m broke. But it’d be nice. My mom offered us to go on vacation with her but I don’t think it’s wise to.

You’re right tho. I do need to keep writing. I’ll try to keep writing. I’ll try my best. This is a good topic, too, yes. Thank you!

Hey, newt. Any way you could add me to th snap grp again ? It is really key for me. Had to reset my phone or something. Thanks a ton !!

Hey, newt. Any way you could add me to th snap grp again ? It is really key for me. Had to reset my phone or something. Thanks a ton !!

Hi, I rarely come here anymore,mostly because I'm overwhelmed. I have so much bad stuff going on, it's impossible to believe. Some of it is my fault, some not. I am so stupid and I can't seem to help myself. No one understands what I'm going through. I've got so much going on mentally, emotionally, physically, and financially, plus other kinds of things. I'm in an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship. I have no one. I'm lonely. I'm horribly depressed (but not suicidal). I'm worried I'm going to lose my car because, after making every payment on time and in full every month for over a year, I messed up my finances and don't have the money. I don't know why, but I need to vent when I'm suffering, and I tell the wrong people. I told my judgmental sister, and I hate myself because I knew better. My boyfriend snaps at me and ignores me. Yes, I have a psychiatrist and I'm on meds. I'm in debt. I'm worried about my cats. There's so much more. I can't even prioritize, because one thing after another keeps coming up. I want to move into my own place, but I don't know how to take care of myself, and I want my cats. I want out of this state. I don't know how to not be negative. It's just all the time. My nerves are always bad. My stomach is always nervous. I have bathroom issues, and I have urinary urge incontinence and IBS. My OCD, panic disorder, and depression are too much, and I can't afford someone to talk to (Telehealth would be great), but I need to get away first. I have no family nearby, and they judge me negatively, anyway, and I have no friends. People who don't understand what it's like inside my head and body, and what my life is like, give me "tough love," tell me to basically "just do it" (like I can turn off my mental and physical health issues), and tell me either to leave my boyfriend (I would if I could!) or to stay with him/I don't appreciate him. How do you appreciate someone who calls you "defective," "crazy" (by Virtue of having a mental problem, he says that automatically makes me crazy), and gets everyone to sympathize with him? My sister says that's just the way men are, and this is the best situation someone like me could be in. I'm so miserable!

As far as I can tell you’re still added....you should just be able to login and see it.

Pdoc knows about that. He’s not doing anything for it right now and he doesn’t want to change my meds.

I can’t take vacation. I’m broke. But it’d be nice. My mom offered us to go on vacation with her but I don’t think it’s wise to.

You’re right tho. I do need to keep writing. I’ll try to keep writing. I’ll try my best. This is a good topic, too, yes. Thank you!

I miss my cats

Newtus, could you please add me on snapchat? I added you. Thanks!

Hugs bluebird when are you getting your sisters cat?

Hi, I rarely come here anymore,mostly because I'm overwhelmed. I have so much bad stuff going on, it's impossible to believe. Some of it is my fault, some not. I am so stupid and I can't seem to help myself. No one understands what I'm going through. I've got so much going on mentally, emotionally, physically, and financially, plus other kinds of things. I'm in an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship. I have no one. I'm lonely. I'm horribly depressed (but not suicidal). I'm worried I'm going to lose my car because, after making every payment on time and in full every month for over a year, I messed up my finances and don't have the money. I don't know why, but I need to vent when I'm suffering, and I tell the wrong people. I told my judgmental sister, and I hate myself because I knew better. My boyfriend snaps at me and ignores me. Yes, I have a psychiatrist and I'm on meds. I'm in debt. I'm worried about my cats. There's so much more. I can't even prioritize, because one thing after another keeps coming up. I want to move into my own place, but I don't know how to take care of myself, and I want my cats. I want out of this state. I don't know how to not be negative. It's just all the time. My nerves are always bad. My stomach is always nervous. I have bathroom issues, and I have urinary urge incontinence and IBS. My OCD, panic disorder, and depression are too much, and I can't afford someone to talk to (Telehealth would be great), but I need to get away first. I have no family nearby, and they judge me negatively, anyway, and I have no friends. People who don't understand what it's like inside my head and body, and what my life is like, give me "tough love," tell me to basically "just do it" (like I can turn off my mental and physical health issues), and tell me either to leave my boyfriend (I would if I could!) or to stay with him/I don't appreciate him. How do you appreciate someone who calls you "defective," "crazy" (by Virtue of having a mental problem, he says that automatically makes me crazy), and gets everyone to sympathize with him? My sister says that's just the way men are, and this is the best situation someone like me could be in. I'm so miserable!

It should be sometime in December if I don't change my mind again. I keep thinking I'm not capable of taking care of a cat anymore but Idk

The cat will let you know if it needs food or water or a litter change.....I think you’ve got this.....

I added you

I read about ways to increase motivation and one way is to turn my phone off. I don't know if I completely like that though, so I just set it to Do not disturb mode.


Anyway, I got a little bit of work done on my thesis topic. That is good news.


I didn't take any Klonopin today, which is good.


I am allowed to take one half of a 0.5 mg Klonopin tablet if I need it. I may need it tonight, but I'm not sure. I just don't like that freaked out feeling I got the other day off of the Klonopin.


Forgot to add, I appreciate the thoughts by Angelique regarding going off of benzos.

Hi, I rarely come here anymore,mostly because I'm overwhelmed. I have so much bad stuff going on, it's impossible to believe. Some of it is my fault, some not. I am so stupid and I can't seem to help myself. No one understands what I'm going through. I've got so much going on mentally, emotionally, physically, and financially, plus other kinds of things. I'm in an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship. I have no one. I'm lonely. I'm horribly depressed (but not suicidal). I'm worried I'm going to lose my car because, after making every payment on time and in full every month for over a year, I messed up my finances and don't have the money. I don't know why, but I need to vent when I'm suffering, and I tell the wrong people. I told my judgmental sister, and I hate myself because I knew better. My boyfriend snaps at me and ignores me. Yes, I have a psychiatrist and I'm on meds. I'm in debt. I'm worried about my cats. There's so much more. I can't even prioritize, because one thing after another keeps coming up. I want to move into my own place, but I don't know how to take care of myself, and I want my cats. I want out of this state. I don't know how to not be negative. It's just all the time. My nerves are always bad. My stomach is always nervous. I have bathroom issues, and I have urinary urge incontinence and IBS. My OCD, panic disorder, and depression are too much, and I can't afford someone to talk to (Telehealth would be great), but I need to get away first. I have no family nearby, and they judge me negatively, anyway, and I have no friends. People who don't understand what it's like inside my head and body, and what my life is like, give me "tough love," tell me to basically "just do it" (like I can turn off my mental and physical health issues), and tell me either to leave my boyfriend (I would if I could!) or to stay with him/I don't appreciate him. How do you appreciate someone who calls you "defective," "crazy" (by Virtue of having a mental problem, he says that automatically makes me crazy), and gets everyone to sympathize with him? My sister says that's just the way men are, and this is the best situation someone like me could be in. I'm so miserable!