Roll Call 182

I probably could. At this point tho I can’t do just any major. I’d have to do something I’m really interested in or I feel like it won’t come to fruition.

Actually if I goto school this fall too, I can claim the American education tax credit again for next year. Which is highly useful. But I think I gotta be half time at least.

I just realized the way Asu works, you do only 1 or 2 classes every 7 weeks. So at the end of 14 or whatever weeks, it’s 4 classes total. So I might could do 1 the first seven weeks and then a second one the next 7.

I talk to my doctor at 330pm. Nervous. I’ve been okay taking my meds. Still a little suspicious but it’s going away.

But I keep obsessing about my food. Calories. Numbers. Fasting. I think I’m relapsing in my eating disorder.

[trigger] I drank coffee this morning and it made my stomach feel funny because I didn’t eat anything and I threw it up...[trigger]

I should tell my doctor. Just nervous.

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I don’t know but I know if I stop drinking coffee for a few days I start getting a little depressed.

And sometimes when I drink it it makes me feel euphoric and on top of the world so maybe

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Yeah I know. It's so hard to give it up though! I get so depressed without it.

Same here! It is hard to give up

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That seems sensible to me. Taking one class at a time can be a gratifying thing when you're not used to school for a while or are otherwise struggling.

At certain times in college, I took two classes at a time. So that was fine.

And before that, I would take one class at a time to just see if I could handle it.

Have an appointment with my therapist in about 2 hours

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Yeah, I have to renew my license but since I have to renew it I am trying to get the REAL ID so I can fly if I need to. I haven't flown since like the mid 2000's but you never know! I've been invited to NY after the pandemic is over so I will need to be able to fly.

It's a little complicated because I don't have utilities and stuff in my name. So I have to come up with other documents that prove where I live. So I am going to use a paycheck and my tax return and see if that works. Along with my birth certificate and social security card. They don't make this easy.


If I can't get this then I'll just get a passport. I'll need one for Ethiopia anyway when I go there in a few years.

Hope it goes well. I see my T on Saturday.

I can’t sleep and I keep feeling hungry but have no energy to cook so I keep eating donuts x.x All hail diabetes 😔

Yeah sounds like new dr just sees dollar signs . Prescribing a very new med instead of an older and cheaper one that you have success with. I'm glad you still have the other dr to prescribe it

Finally got an appointment for psychiatrist! April 13th.

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Everything to me feels incredibly unstable. If everything goes around in a circle then what's the point.

My appointment with my therapist went well. We talked about my depression. She thinks it’s good I’m changing antipsychotics from trilafon and thorazine to abilify. Cause abilify has the added benefit that it might help my antidepressants work better. And about my sleep schedule. I’ve been going to bed at like 1am and getting up anywhere from 1pm to 3pm or later. That’s not good. I need to work on fixing that so that’s one of my treatment plan goals.
We talked about my panic attacks with going outside and another of my goals is to get out more often and get used to being outside.

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What kind of donuts? I’ve been craving pumpkin donuts lately. With a cup of coffee.

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Matcha flavored

Those are some of the prettiest doughnuts I've ever seen!

I don't know what to talk about in therapy on Saturday. I'm not in crisis so it's like, hmmm. I have nothing to say. I'm trying to think of something that I can talk about before session time.

Just sitting with music, enduring mental pain. Trying not to take a drug to feel better. It's all I can do. Maybe it'll pass or maybe I'll find a distraction. I'm extremely unhappy.

Doc appointment went well. Says basically keep taking meds, take care of myself, get a blood test next week, have a good weekend, talk after the psych appointment, if any thing comes up don’t hesitate to call.

I don’t feel hyper. Or out of control. Or depressed.

I just feel obsessed with losing weight and need to lose it now...

If I have to take my meds, I have to take my drugs too! I'm not just gonna lie on the floor and fukn die.. These things I've done have worked so far for me. Other people mostly not so much.

It started 15 minutes ago when I was trying to find where I put the 85% cocoa chocolate. I was trying to find it in the fridge - I was like "Ok so my brain actually WANTS this dopamine.. There's this one neurotransmitter that works somewhat".. Then the serotonin may follow..