Roll Call 186

Carolann's is excellent for coffee. It makes it amazing really, right? I'd keep a flask in my car if it wasn't illegal, but considering it is, and considering I only drink on my way to work, I haven't bought it in a year.

My wine guy said a good bottle of wine starts at $15 an hour. I go to Plum Market, im not sure how popular those are but they have a massive international wine section. French wines are suppose to be the best. I go for Greek wine though just because. I like a wine called Saint George's (as in the dragon slayer lol) It says its $21 on the bottle but it's always on sale for $15.99. It's a dry red wine. I really don't know much about wines really, but it's fun as heck to go wine tasting to try out the different types of wine in one trip. I've only done that in california with my sister. Probsbly my favorite experience drinking ever, that was a decade ago last month.

My favorite author was a wine collector, Goethe. He drank a bottle every day. I don't recommend that much. I only drink to write really. It happens to be one of the few times I feel positive emotions, so my weekend wine time is sacred to me.

I wasn't near Plum market last week, so I bought a red wine called Mondavi Select. I think it's more mainstream. I liked that one too. = )

Does amazon require this?

Introverts unite! Alone, on the internet, in a secret forum

At least we have each other. I isolate too. I was pretty lonely on the fourth of july to be honest.

No they don’t. But they suggest writing 5 episodes initially before putting out your novella. Because people are allowed to read the first 3 episodes free before they are required to subscribe and start paying per episode/chapter.

Sounds like a lot of planning is involved. This is how Byron made Don Juan, well, you know what I mean. Im not sure he ever planned on having an ending for it. He just wrote on and on, as long as people were willing to pay.

Loving-Kindness Meditation | Practice
| Greater Good in Action

Haha yeah but chef eventually told me what happend. They got into an argument again and then the cook ran to hr and said chef assaulted him. And they told the cook to go home. I don't know if he'll be back.

SK, I know you aren’t here on the weekends but let us know how your mom is doing ASAP....

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Omg we bqqd

The steak was EXCELLENT AND SO TENDER

Idk if kindle Vella is coming out starting tomorrow or Monday. But I’m excited

It feels like I'm being tortured. I feel terrible.

Went to the dentist today for a check up and cleaning. Haven’t been in almost two years because of covid.

Anyway, I was worried because I haven’t been flossing and sometimes I barely brush my teeth.

Last time dentist said I had beginning of gum disease and might need a root canal.

Well today this other dentist said I had the possibility of two cavities forming but it’s early. No mention of this root canal problem or gum disease. I’m all fine with those.

So I don’t feel so bad now. Just need to brush more and floss.

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Also I showered three times this week.

That’s a lot considering a while ago I was showering once every two weeks.

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That's great. I need to go to the dentist soon and I'm dreading it. I have a lot of damage to my teeth from years of having on and off episodes of depression where I neglected to brush/floss. But I've been brushing and flossing everyday 2 times a day lately. I can't undo the damage. But I can at least try to prevent further problems.

I'm here because I have no self discipline. Lol But I did finish a book today

Cool, I'll have to see if there/s any of those around here, I'm probably gonna buy some type of wine in a few weeks. I'm gonna save it and have it to celebrate when my apartment inspection in august is over since that causes me a ton of anxiety. My sister gave me a really nice wine glass this past year and I haven't used it yet.

The GABA drug mix put me to sleep and gave me sleep paralysis. It'll do for now. I feel much better like half of my brain isn't there anymore. I don't care what happens next.

I'm gonna test myself for lymes disease

Why is that, Des? Want to talk about it?

How long are said series chapters meant to be? This could make things interesting and very doable. = )

Some writing days one page is enough. I wrote one soliloquy and that was pretty intense for me. The day before I could only write a small exchange. Still, these small improvements I'm fine with as long as they make my story a bit more exciting if that's possible. = ) I can't even say exciting, just strange hahaha.

I think it's just negative thoughts. I took some phenibut and felt a little better. Then I took a small dose of mush last night. It kicked in and made me feel worse and wavy so I decided to go to sleep.

It's very disturbing because you can't sleep on psychs - so I took 0.25mg of clonazepam and went to sleep and every time I went unconscious, I'd jolt awake and sit up.. I felt my heart flip every time.. Then I went to work and wasn't bothered by anything.

I feel very good today though.. I'm very grateful that I'm ok.. I become so unbelievably hopeless and self destructive that it feels like I'm heading towards a cliff.

Now I'm very mindful and open to being more creative about how to make use of my time.. Yet content with taking my time.

I'm constantly learning about myself and the world, changing my ideas about things and trying to find patterns because - As I've said, the world feels like chaos.

I've come to believe chaos is a mighty power of creative will, where we can make a hell out of heaven, or a heaven out of hell = ) You seem like you're finding peace, des = )

I feel like im getting closer to that point, no more anxiety, akathasia, I've cut my alchohol to just a few drinks on the weekends. I still have a ways to go though...

I'm almost ready to stop taking the beta blocker (Atenolol). I'll make an appointment with my doctor tomorrow - Cuz I don't check my pulse anymore (Which I thought would never happen.. I thought I'd check it 5 times a day at least).. The neuroplasticity is working.. I used to check my pulse 200-300 times a day before being on the beta blocker.

I'll try to get down to taking it once every evening now (Right now I take it once in the morning and once before bed).

I fear that I'll have to continue taking it if my resting heart rate doesn't go below 100.

Maybe I should wait longer though just to make sure I don't mess up and freak out again. I think my heart concentrated OCD is almost gone - It transitioned back to my thoughts =P