Roll Call 187

I'm good this morning. Just trying to reduce the Klonopin now. It is the most problematic drug ever.

Mental pain this morning.

Feeling better after a red bull.

My dad keeps drinking so many.. They're not good for him but he won't listen.

I ended up sleeping in today. I didn't go to the church today to get the new clothes because of that but I can go again when they have it again (they do it on the last Saturday of each month), so I'll go at the end of October) I slept about 9 1/2 hours which is really good.

I'm just spending the weekend mostly cleaning and reading.

I haven't been able to get ahold of my friend the past week or so, sometimes they get depressed and I don't hear from them for a month or so, so if I can't get ahold of them by October 15th I'm just going to watch the new Halloween Kills movie on the peacock streaming service instead of in theaters like we were planning. They're releasing it simultaneously in theaters and on peacock so you can decide how you want to watch it. It will be cheaper to watch it from home anyway, the streaming service is like $4.99 a month for premium, so instead of paying like $30 at the movies for a ticket and snacks, I can just watch it on my laptop from home with snacks I already have for much cheaper.

I've never had Red Bull before. I used to love the Monster energy drinks. But that was before I had my first panic attack and developed panic disorder. Now I stay away from them. I know they're not healthy anyway even aside from the high caffeine content. Sometimes I crave one once in awhile, but I'm too scared to trigger a panic attack

I may be able to budget for some new clothes next month. I think I'm going to get:
2 argyle vest sweaters (one pink and one green)
1 white collared dress shirt (to wear under the argyle vest sweaters)
a zip up hoodie
and a green sweater

I hope you'll always have your freedom.

Well, smoking started up again yesterday, so that's nice. I only have money for one Coke so I guess I'll get one tomorrow. I hope to God they're not going to keep quarantining us going forward.

I need a benzo. Feel really panicky. I have no pills. A Coke might help but I only have money for one this weekend.

They're economising here and giving us smaller portions. The coffee cups are only maybe five ounces now.

The change pouch in my sweater pocket was stolen. It had at least $2 in change.

Doing fine tonight - just submitted an entry for a translation contest, we'll see how that goes. I am hoping I win. I need business.

I rarely drink soda but when I do I get it as a treat, and I always get regular Coke, not diet or anything. I went downstairs to the vending machine, they were out of regular Coke so I decided to give diet Coke a try, I've never had it before, I mainly got it because it was the only thing with caffeine in it. There were other options that I like, like sprite, Canada Dry ginger ale, and Fanta but none of them have caffeine.

I posted a video of me playing Silent night on my ukulele on Facebook

I had to record the video like 7 times. I kept getting nervous and messing up and having to restart. It’s not that difficult of a song, but I get nervous being recorded

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I feel the same when I make a recording of something. I used to be able to just power through it, but I think I get overly anxious these days when making stuff like that. Good job though, that's cool.

Thanks, did you ever buy a ukulele? I think I recall you talking about getting one at some point

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Yeah I bought one. I hardly ever play it though...

Inspired me to listen to a few uke albums again.....

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

I feel bad, I have heartburn from my meds and acid reflux and on top of that I'm having paranoia and am smelling things that aren't there

Hugs bluebird do you have tums?

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

Thanks, no I don't, but I do see my doctor on Thursday and we're going to talk about getting me back on meds for it

Honestly, generally speaking, I've been stable lately. That is a good thing for sure.

My mom sold my condo and owes 5k so she took it out of the 10k money that she took from me. It was the money I made from working in retail. So there was basically no point of working there. I suffered so much suicidal thoughts and misery while making that money. I knew she wouldn't give me my money back + I still give her 1k a month.

I want to move out.

Hugs desoxyn...that sounds so unfair.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

I've emailed my therapist three times today. EEK.

My therapist is going to see me for an extra session this week which is good because I must need the support being that I am emailing her like crazy.