Roll Call 189

Desoxyn · Jan 01, 2022, 05:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Angelique67

Happy New Year, Des!!!!!

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Thx lol xD Happy New Year.

Don't think that my posts are a bad start to the year - I'll be OK.

JunkDNA says I'm fine. I think I am. I am curious about this mental state.. Remember BB, the curiosity and being interested in the panic, disturbance...

Angelique67 · Jan 01, 2022, 05:02 PM

Happy New Year everyone! I hope everyone is okay.

I felt hungover today maybe because I stayed up too late. I watched the hour long fireworks show around the world on NBC News Now.

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Angelique67 · Jan 01, 2022, 05:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desoxyn

Thx lol xD Happy New Year.

Don't think that my posts are a bad start to the year - I'll be OK.

JunkDNA says I'm fine. I think I am. I am curious about this mental state.. Remember BB, the curiosity and being interested in the panic, disturbance...

Did you drink anything alcoholic last night? I used to get the most horrible existential despair when I was hung over. That's why I quit drinking, mostly. Hugs, Des.

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Blue_Bird · Jan 01, 2022, 05:31 PM

I did 2 loads of laundry today. Aside from that I slept, I was exhausted, even though I slept last night I took a 3 hour nap in the afternoon today.

Sometimes psychotic · Jan 01, 2022, 05:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desoxyn

I'm freaked out by reality. My dad says that he wants to take me to a ***** house to get "laid". I was OK with it in the past when I wasn't on so much antipsychotics. I was actually living. Now I'm traumatized from my bad trip. I don't even know my sexuality either. I identify with bisexual/asexual but I'm really just hyposexual. I'm handicapped - I got abused for it by the people in the video chat. I told them that my mom had breast cancer and he said that I don't want sex because my mom "Is a *****". I did have a bad reaction to my parents having sex when I was a kid. My mom would read me a story and I knew she was rushing it so she could have sex.. What positivity do I need when it's all a lie.. Everything seems to just be about sex, shallow, stupid. I have some pretty out-there thoughts that regular people don't have - I have a blessing and a curse. I have no hope. The video chat guy also said that I'd end up as a serial killer - He thinks I can't love and that I'll never get out of the psychiatric system. It feeds into control, me being independent. The nonsense of hedonic seeking and histrionic PD of my mom with her friends - All they care about is their looks and wrinkles and hit on me - A friend has sex with one of them. The guys in the hiking group just wanted to have sex with the women. My brother is gay and my dad doesn't like him - That makes me annoyed. My godfather is now my dads friend who is alt-right conspiracy - And I'm twisted because of the corruption news, pandemic. I don't know what is real. Everyone's so ****ing delusional. Just regular people are weird and strange - There's no objective reality. I drank more shots, took extra vyvanse, phenibut and weed to escape the hell that I live in. I told my parents that I'm suicidal and WANT to be in psychosis. I want to break. I want to escape from this ******** reality full of sex. The big bang was an orgasm. I'm serious.

I was asexual for well until my late twenties so I kind of get this. It’s like everyone changed but me. I ended up having surgery on my ovary for something else and it gave me normal periods and suddenly I liked guys but still didn’t have sex until like 40. It’s all a continuum there is no pure sexuality so ive stopped trying to define myself. It also changes over time.

Desoxyn · Jan 01, 2022, 05:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Angelique67

Did you drink anything alcoholic last night? I used to get the most horrible existential despair when I was hung over. That's why I quit drinking, mostly. Hugs, Des.

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Yes.. Yesterday, I drank more than I ever have in 5 years since my trip. I'll try not to.

Desoxyn · Jan 01, 2022, 05:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

I was asexual for well until my late twenties so I kind of get this. It’s like everyone changed but me. I ended up having surgery on my ovary for something else and it gave me normal periods and suddenly I liked guys but still didn’t have sex until like 40. It’s all a continuum there is no pure sexuality so ive stopped trying to define myself. It also changes over time.

I know.. I just like to ditch/dismiss the whole of existence which is dangerous. Idk why my thoughts can be so dark. I have insight - But sometimes I don't trust my own thoughts - Transmitted through satellites.

I don't mean to be creepy by talking about sex - It's like a schizotypal PD thing.

When I was a kid, my grandmother mentioned how I'd mimic cartoons. "He thinks he's a cartoon character" - So my mom enrolled me in an acting class. Same with martial arts, I stopped cuz I was freaked out about what it was all for. I wasn't aware enough.

But thanks. I'll be ok.

Desoxyn · Jan 01, 2022, 06:02 PM

Yes! To not define myself.. I need to stop. Everything I say (And I say or believe things that I don't even mean), someone reacts to it - And I think that THAT is real. I'm gullible? Naive.. Crap, I'm defining myself again...

Blue_Bird · Jan 01, 2022, 06:11 PM

Going to start working out on the treadmill again

Sometimes psychotic · Jan 01, 2022, 06:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desoxyn

Yes! To not define myself.. I need to stop. Everything I say (And I say or believe things that I don't even mean), someone reacts to it - And I think that THAT is real. I'm gullible? Naive.. Crap, I'm defining myself again...

Yeah it’s far more peaceful to just be....without definition.

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Desoxyn · Jan 01, 2022, 06:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

Yeah it’s far more peaceful to just be....without definition.

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It enlightening. Buddhist monks I bet are just floating energy orbs.

junkDNA · Jan 01, 2022, 09:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desoxyn

Thx lol xD Happy New Year.

Don't think that my posts are a bad start to the year - I'll be OK.

JunkDNA says I'm fine. I think I am. I am curious about this mental state.. Remember BB, the curiosity and being interested in the panic, disturbance...

i meant that as a reassurance when u were talking in snapchat, it seemed like you were getting pretty distressed

junkDNA · Jan 01, 2022, 09:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

Yeah it’s far more peaceful to just be....without definition.

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im noticing a disturbing trend w/ young people these days. they seem to almost flaunt mental illnesses around like its some quirky personality trait. i see this A LOT on TikTok. even kids saying they have DID and tourettes and all this stuff. i dont want to say theyre faking it but..................... the wall street journal just did a piece on it.

Desoxyn · Jan 01, 2022, 10:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by junkDNA

im noticing a disturbing trend w/ young people these days. they seem to almost flaunt mental illnesses around like its some quirky personality trait. i see this A LOT on TikTok. even kids saying they have DID and tourettes and all this stuff. i dont want to say theyre faking it but..................... the wall street journal just did a piece on it.

I don't think that anyone is faking when there's something wrong with them - Maybe the wrong thing - Unless it's for attention. But TikTok is just a product of a decaying society.

Desoxyn · Jan 01, 2022, 10:55 PM

My mom went crazy at me and I lost my ****. Now she thinks I need help. She needs help.

Desoxyn · Jan 01, 2022, 11:10 PM

I completely lost my ****ing ****

She asked me to get her a salad from work because she already put on her pjs. I said to wait 5 minutes and then she gaslights me. All cuz she wants to control me and be her pet.

Idk why she tells everyone that I'm a genius. She always wants a good reputation and isn't real. She's fake. All she cares about is her looks. At one point, all she cared about was being with assholes and neglecting me.

Lately she's been cold and holding things against me. My sister knows.. That's why she moved out - She had to. I'm not being wrong because my sister, my brother and my dad knows what I'm dealing with. It's her.

Desoxyn · Jan 01, 2022, 11:18 PM

I was completely fine. I just woke up from a nap and starting feeling like I could just read or something.

My mom says that I'm being dramatic tonight when earlier I told her that I was feeling suicidal.

Now I can't focus on anything. It's all about her. It always has been.

Desoxyn · Jan 01, 2022, 11:45 PM

I had a talk with her. I said sorry. I still don't understand what happened - But I can't drink alcohol - She says it does something really weird to me. She said to take something for agitation (Clonazepam) so I took 0.5mg.

I'll talk to my psychiatrist.

I almost can't let it go - With the thoughts that I've been having - I feel insane.

junkDNA · Jan 01, 2022, 11:50 PM

TikTok Diagnosis Videos Leave Some Teens Thinking They Have Rare Mental Disorders - WSJ

junkDNA · Jan 01, 2022, 11:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desoxyn

I don't think that anyone is faking when there's something wrong with them - Maybe the wrong thing - Unless it's for attention. But TikTok is just a product of a decaying society.

i think people can fake symptoms of mental illness for whatever reason, theres a Dx for it called Facticious disorder. also munchausens

Desoxyn · Jan 02, 2022, 01:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by junkDNA

i think people can fake symptoms of mental illness for whatever reason, theres a Dx for it called Facticious disorder. also munchausens

I'm a hypochondriac

downandlonely · Jan 02, 2022, 01:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desoxyn

I'm a hypochondriac

I am too. It's not faking it so much as I really feel symptoms and think I am ill. I had 7 negative Covid tests. But the latest one came out positive.

junkDNA · Jan 02, 2022, 01:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desoxyn

I'm a hypochondriac

That's different because hypochondriac actually think they're ill

Blue_Bird · Jan 02, 2022, 12:19 PM

I walked to the store and didn’t panic or dissociate

Sometimes psychotic · Jan 02, 2022, 12:23 PM

I feel impatient today..we stayed in yesterday because of the blizzard but it ended up not being totally bad. Today is really cold and the roads look icy....I hope the main roads are ok because I really want to go out. My cousin and his wife had their baby yesterday....New Years baby.

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