Roll Call 192

Unsure or Angelique are you out there? Are you okay? You are missed.

I'm trying to add more variety into my diet instead of always eating the same things

I just ate a peach

Time for some tea and time to watch some Pokémon

I had some crazy dreams where I was manic. I tried to get out of bed by 8am but got up at 8:40am and made it to work by 8:50am.

It was a drag at work. I really didn't feel like moving or talking (I think because of the Indica yesterday).

When I got home, I did all the chores etc really fast and started to feel better. I'm not smoking any weed or drinking alcohol today. No phenibut either (Day 6 without).

I'm only eating 1-2 times a day and I'm still gaining weight. The olanzepine is creeping up on me. I guess it just severely decreases my metabolism. I tried to only take 5mg but almost had a dissociative panic attack. It's so ****ed. Apparently "10mg of olanzepine is equal to eating an extra 1500 calories per day".

I plan to get into crypto a bit today + reading.

I only take 1x 15mg Dexedrine in the afternoon after taking 60mg of Vyvanse in the morning. I wonder if my psychiatrist would let me take 2x 15mg Dexedrine in the morning and 2x in the afternoon - I think it would be much better that way.

He'll probably want to increase the Wellbutrin to 300mg and then I'll try and quit nicotine gum.

How was the peach 🍑? I’ve been getting nectarines they are starting to go out of season even in South America….

It was pretty good. Not as sweet as they normally are. I think it's because it's still a little cold up here in NY. I think maybe in the warmer months they'll be more at their peak in season? I'm not sure when peaches are in season. It was still good though.

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I swear the APs are a nightmare for weight gain….

I think next time I'll try to get some fresh pears, melon/cantaloupe, and plums if I can find them.

Right now I have bananas, raspberries, and peaches.

I also have frozen berries for smoothies.

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Sounds good….peaches nectarines and plums are in their way out of season but melons are always in somehow and so are pears 🍐….idk if you know but pears will need like a week At room temp to get nice and ripe if you like them soft and juicy.

Thanks that’s good to know. Last time I got pears, like a year ago, I tried eating them like a day after I got them and they were definitely not ripe enough

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There will not be enough pears for everyone!!

Made some instant pudding, it's setting in the fridge now

Pears are infinitely abundant….

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I feel like photography is all about witnessing the beauty in the world whether it’s a flower or a kitty or a fruit.

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Cat changed the settings on my laptop while I was out of the room. Spent the past 20 minutes trying to figure out what she did and how to fix it, was able to fix it

I slept a lot today. Still kind of tired. I need exercise. I haven't gotten on the treadmill in a couple days. I hope my doctor calls me back on Monday and agrees to me going back on the injection and coming off some of the other meds. If she does I will probably have to wait till the following week to get the injection because they only do them on Mondays and Tuesdays.

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Maybe I'll get on the treadmill early tomorrow for an hour.

What's everyone doing this weekend? I'm gonna try to exercise tomorrow and Sunday. Also have a lot of cleaning to do tomorrow. Aside from that, reading, practicing ukulele.

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Not sure yet just happy to have time off.

Thanks, that is a good idea.

Lately I have this latent suspicion that people are judging me and talking about me wherever I walk. I guess I should probably tell my pdoc about this.

I did this and it seemed to work. Now, on to tomorrow!

If people ask me what I do..

I will say, "I'm trying to understand how the world works"

in order for me to be free, and to free everyone else...

To know my self, the shadow, etc.. And have fun? Explore consciousness..

Xray showed that my cat (Angel) has something foggy in her gallbladder =[ That's why she was puking every day for over a month. So we changed her food and will see.. She seems normal though.

I'm so tired

Can’t wait to take out all my spring dresses. I’m done looking bulky from layers of layers

I have that same fear when I'm walking around outside, it got a little better with a med increase, aside from that CBT is helpful. In reality, most people are too wrapped up in themselves to care about/talk about what other people are doing.
Even if they are judging or talking, that's their own issue. I still struggle with this some, but I try to get into the mindset of "so what if they're talking about me or judging me", it's hard sometimes though so I understand