Roll Call 192

It can't be soon enough for me. You're a shot survivalist. I tried to tell them I didn't want the shot but they were like pish tosh see? It's done. :-/

Sent from my Nokia XR20 using Tapatalk

I have therapy tonight. Not too sure what I am going to talk about. I have a vague sense of feeling depressed but nothing significant to put into words. I think this will be an unproductive session. Who knows? Maybe something will happen between then and now that will give me something to talk about. At least I have grown emotionally. When this used to happen before I would SH so I would have something to talk about. I don't do that anymore.

I also have a vague feeling of paranoia today. I'm not sure if it is hyped up anxiety, or real paranoia. I wonder if I should take an PRN benzo or Lybalvi.

I have been at work for less than an hour and I have completed my work. I might get some more work later on if other departments get some work and pass it on to me. But for now I have nothing to do. I hate when my mornings start out this way because it makes for a very long day. I don't think it helps the depression, either. Or what I think is depression. Hmm.

I definitely can't take both. I made that mistake once and ended up like a Zombie. I could hardly walk straight.

I can't tell if it is paranoia or anxiety or paranoia and anxiety. So I am frozen as to what PRN to take. I'm trying to do deep breathing and meditation and such to try to reorient myself. Frustrating morning so far!

Probably drinking coffee is not helping but it is so good.

I settled on taking some Lybalvi since it has calming properties as well as helping the Schizoaffective symptoms. We will see if I get any relief.

Ugh. Agitation. It won't stop.

Sorry SK, hope you feel better

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Thanks, Blue_Bird. How are you today?

Agitation is starting to feel a little better, but I am still having it. I think the Lybalvi is starting to help though.

The thing I hate about Lybalvi is that it makes things kind of blurry and I feel really unfocused. It's like a drugged feeling.

I always forget this. Lybalvi makes me feel like depersonalized.

Repair shop called, where I have had my car for the past two days. They could not get it to replicate the sound. So they didn't fix anything. My Mom and Dad are going to go pick it up for me. Probably tomorrow when I drive my car again it will make the clunking sound again. That is my kind of luck!

I was too tired to take the atenolol yesterday evening. I fell asleep at ~6pm and woke up at 9am.

While I was drifting into sleep, I went into REM immediately and then woke up again. When I woke up, my heart went into a near-cardiac arrest type arrhythmia - I've never experienced that before either.

So I didn't take the Zoloft this morning. I'm done with it. It's not all in my head that serotonergic drugs mess with my heart.

My mood is very good though - Even without phenibut.

And hugs @Kit. I hope you feel better soon <3

I'm working today but on my lunch break. They're going to deliver money in an envelope when I'm done.

Tomorrow I'm not working and will go for a hike. I'm gonna practice being grateful somewhat, more.. I didn't go to the ER or anything yesterday cuz if I die.. Then not really a big deal cuz everything is just a hallucination to me.

I’m pretty good. Slept way later than I intended to. Almost to 12pm. Don’t know why I’ve been so tired the past few days.

It’s 3pm now. Just been doing laundry and playing some games on my Xbox. Making some French fries because they’re amazing

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

"Olanzapine (Zyprexa) is famously known as causing some of the most weight gain amongst pharmaceuticals. Putting on well into the 3 digits is not uncommon. It changes your gut flora profile to have one seen in obese rats & humans - which directly alters your metabolism.

And ironically, it puts the body in a state of ketosis, prioritizing burning fat for fuel. Any carb you consume is stored in the blood as rising blood sugar which your body combats with wildly spiking insulin 24/7 - which piles on the pounds. It destroys your insulin resistance with many succumbing to diabetes within their first year on the drug (Eli Lilly settled a half Billion $ lawsuit over the side effect).

It also alters leptin, grehlin, histamine (like pregnancy) - triggering intense hunger pains. It enhances the way foods' tastes are perceived by the brain and provides a tranquilizing effect that leads to less physical activity, dramatic increase in length of sleep. When Eli Lilly was later sued (settled for $1.4 Bil) over the weight gain issues, one of the physician quotes from the drug's trials presented in court was something like "I've never witnessed anything like this. If there was a need for a magical treatment to make people fat, this is the perfect drug."

Lmao I can't

I can't with these meds anymore

I always forget how dizzy I get with the Lybalvi. Just trying to walk the hallway at work is hard. I hate this medicine.

Well no charge for my car since they didn't actually fix anything, at least there's a break there.

I still feel way out of it due to the Lybalvi. Man, I hate how messed up I feel on this medication. It's like I need to sleep it off or something. I gotta remember this for next time. I think I have some regular Olanzapine left. I should just take that. This is monstrous.

Is it bad if I’m sleeping all day? I feel as if I’m catching up on rest since I’ve been paranoid & in survival mode for over a year.

I don't think much is bad. Are you able to sleep any at night?

I’m napping a lot during the day and getting plenty of sleep at night. It’s just a loooot of sleep.