Roll Call 193

I think I need the 15 mg olanzapine... Just a reflection.

So my psychiatrist today said he eventually wanted me off of Seroquel and just be on Depakote & Luvox. He must not be too concerned about psychosis even with the grandiosity.
I still feel out of control.
**** bipolar disorder. Makes it hard to think straight with everything going on.
Tomorrow is my first day back to work, too…

So worried that everyone will notice that I’m kinda “weird” when I return to work… due to my manic episode.

It's early but I'm up. Going on 4:30am now. I didn't go to sleep because I was so scared of oversleeping and missing Stash's vet appointment for her spay surgery and stuff today.

My sister is going to pick us up around 7:20am, so I'll put her in her carrier around 6:30am so she's ready to go. I will give her 1/4th of her regular morning wet food before she goes because that's what they said to do. She can still drink water as much as she likes.

My sister will pick her up at 4pm to drop her back off home with me when she's done with her surgery and stuff and is ready to come home.

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God I feel like such a meanie. I just put her in her carrier. I did it a little early because I was worried it’d be hard to get her in. And it was, a little bit. But I got her in.

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Oh she’s angry

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She’s at the vet now. I forgot that I also signed up to have her microchipped too so that’s gonna be in addition to everything else which is good.

She was calm on the ride there, her med must have kicked in , I gave her her anxiety med before going, and they said that was fine.

I feel so bad, she is probably so scared and confused at what's going on

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It’s the best thing though bluebird….you’re getting it all done in one day and then she won’t have to go back for some time.

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Yes that's true I'm just not used to not having her here I guess, she is normally right on my heels everywhere I go, I miss her already even though it's only been like 2 hours. Well, she'll be back at 4pm and everything will be good, I'm relieved it's all being taken care of, getting it all done at once does make things a lot easier than taking multiple trips to get it done.

Hopefully by time I have to take her to the vet again in a year or whenever she gets her checkup or needs to go she'll forget about the carrier being the thing that brought her to the vet by then. Either way she has anxiety meds that help her a lot for those trips, I just have to remember to give them to her two hours before taking her because they take awhile to kick in

My mom passed away a year ago today….I am feeling sad.

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Sorry SP

Anniversaries of death, birthdays, holidays, are hard, I hope you can remember all the good times with your mom SP

I'm getting the cats some stuff to celebrate Mustachio's surgery. Catnip, some treats, this cat cube bed thing:

And I'm getting some furniture covers for my armchair because it's getting scratched up by Mustachio all the time even though she has scratching posts. That's more for me though lol Maybe her having her nails trimmed today will help keep her from tearing up furniture.

I can't live back in my home town. It is too traumatic for me

So sorry. Hugs SP! Wish I could make it better but know I am sending you all the love.

I always feel bad too, but you are being a good cat mom. HUG

HUGS! Just keep in mind, if it is helpful, most people are pretty self absorbed and me focused that they don't think about other people a whole lot. I hope that going back to work will be okay for you! HUGS

Let us know how the first day back went. How long were you off of work?

I might get some McDonald's later

The flu.. or cold.. or COVID.. what ever this is, I fell asleep, dreamt and woke up again 15-20 times last night, turning the heat on, turning the cooler on..

My skin is so sensitive that it's like shrooms (Except it hurts/painful) - I've never experienced this before.

I wonder if my antipsychotics cause white blood cells to die somewhat. I couldn't get ready for this morning so just on my macbook. I NEED WHITE BLOOD CELLS...

Although Advil helps a lot (Because it's a really good anti-inflammatory). I think it's eating my stomach though =p

Edit: A cold or the flu? | Health Navigator NZ

I have determined that I have influenza

Hope you feel better soon, Desoxyn!

So yesterday was a bit of a trial. EEK.

On Tuesday I had a relapse. I had talked to my T and I had sent her a picture of what I had done. She told me, honestly if you go to the ER to get that taken care of they are going to send you to the Psych ward on a hold. Well, I didn't want to end up there so I didn't go to the ER. Wednesday I thought I should have them looked at so I made an appointment with my GP. She got me in at 1 PM. It was too late (too many hours) for her to take care of them properly, so she just cleaned them and bandaged me up. She was very calm with me. But when we went back to her office to get a prescription for some antibiotics she said that she wanted to get a psych consult. Crap! And she asked for my psychiatrist's number. So she had me give the receptionist the office number and address. So I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do so I asked the receptionist if I was done or if I had to stay. She was like, oh no, you can go. But apparently when they called my pdoc they didn't leave a call back number. Duh.

So I get in my car and I call my psychiatrist's office and talk to the receptionist. I tell her what is going on and I ask her to tell my pdoc that I am okay, I don't need the hospital, etc. Then as I am driving back to work I get a call from the doctor's office. I have to go back, the receptionist shouldn't have let me go. Then they put me in a room while they wait for my pdoc to call. It had only been 15-20 minutes and then the GP is like, I need to call the officers. I was like, wait, let me try to call my Pdoc. So I tried again and got the receptionist and she tells me he is with clients but she will try to get him a message. I'm like please, because my GP is going to call the cops on me. And I text my Pdoc. So a few minutes later the officer comes in. I'm like, crap! He is very nice though and tells me I am not in trouble but that my GP is concerned about my well being. So I talk to him for a while and he asks to see both of my arms even though I told him it is only on one and he asks me what happened and so forth. Then he says if it were up to him he would let me go home but he is not a mental health professional so he feels like he needs to call in the behavioral health team. I'm like why did we not do this already? But I stay very calm and just go with the flow.

In the meantime my pdoc calls my GP and tells her that he will take full responsibility for me and that he will talk to me that night (last night) at six and make sure I am okay. But the wheels have already turned so pretty soon two ladies from behavioral health show up and do a psych eval. I told them everything and at first they kind of wanted me to go to the crisis center but I told them I really wasn't in crisis so I didn't think that was necessary. So anyway we talked some more. Then the doctor, the cop, and the two behavioral health ladies have a conference about me out of the room (so I didn't get to hear what they said). They agreed that I could go home. Thank goodness! I was so freaked out (on the inside but tried not to show it) that I was going to be brought to the ER by police car! So my doctor (GP) talks to me some more and makes a follow up appointment and eventually lets me go. I had been there for 3.5 hours!

So then I go home and I still have to talk to my Pdoc. The receptionist called and said she would set up the meeting for me online. I told her I was already released by the other people and that I was good to be at home. But she said my pdoc had promised my GP he would talk to me so I had to talk to him. I was like, okay. But I don't have $200 in my checking (I get paid tomorrow) so can I give you a different card to charge the appointment to? She was like, don't worry about that right now. So then at six I get on the computer and talk to my pdoc and he's okay with everything. He is a little concerned but he knows me and if I say I am not in crisis, he knows I am not in crisis. So thank goodness he lets me go to.

So I escaped going in patient by the skin of my teeth. And my pdoc said he was not going to charge me for the appointment! Thank goodness!

I need to sort out all of my emotions with my T. I texted her a bunch yesterday while all of this was going down but she was with clients so she couldn't respond at the time, which is fine. I have so many emotions going through me right now. I talked to one of my coworkers who is a friend and let her know what happened and she prayed with me so that was nice. I am so happy to be at work today and not in the hospital! It's funny because when I was talking to the cop, I told him how much it cost me to be in patient last time and he asked if it was involuntary, which it was. He was like, you still have to pay? I was like, oh yeah, you still have to pay. He's like, that's not right! I was like, tell me about it! I don't even know what I feel today. There's so much emotions going on in me. It's a frightful mess. I am just so glad that I was able to present well and stay out of the hospital. I apologized to my T last night on text for the volume of texts that I sent her. She responded around midnight and said that it was totally fine and if I needed to text her today I could. I haven't yet. I might email her, maybe, to try to sort out my feelings. But what a huge mess I made for myself. I am so glad I was able to get out of it. My pdoc told me that my GP was freaking out. She was calm with me but I guess she wasn't calm with him. I guess all is well that ends well.

Thanks to anyone who read this this far!

I'm sorry you went through all that SK, I'm glad you are okay though

I'm glad you got a decent cop. A lot of them aren't trained to deal with people with mental illness.

One time my therapist called the cops on me while I was at her office because I was delusional and suicidal and the police officer who came to pick me up was really rude with me. He also asked me while riding on the way to the judge to sign the paperwork to put me in the hospital if I ever considered that maybe my problems were from not having Jesus in my life. He had no clue what my faith was or anything so I have no idea where that came from but it was inappropriate

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Thank you, Blue_Bird. I'm sorry the cop didn't treat you well. I usually go to the ER by myself but as I was avoiding the psych hospital this was the first time for me that the cops were involved. It was kind of scary being in a small room with him!

My baby girl will be home in about 2 hours!!!

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