Roll Call 193

For a treat my Dad is bringing me McDonald's today for lunch. A Quarter Pounder with Cheese and French Fries. Yum. Something to look forward to, anyway.

Sounds great, I love McDonalds.

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Me too! I hardly ever have them for lunch or dinner but sometimes my Dad will get us McDonald's for breakfast. What is your favorite menu item?

My favorite menu item from McDonalds for breakfast is the Sausage McMuffin with Egg and hashbrowns. For lunch or dinner it is Quarter Pounder with Cheese (no onions) and french fries!

It is going to be a long day at work. I have nothing to do at the moment. I should get some invoicing to do later but right now I am twiddling my thumbs. At least I am not freaking out.

Speaking of work, could it kill one of my coworkers to take out the bathroom trash? We have a cleaning service once a week but the rest of the time we need to empty the trash. No one but me ever empties it. I'm like, "C'mon peeps, we all use the restroom." It just gets annoying sometimes.

Hard to pick but probably the big Mac and fries or Quarter pounder and fries or chicken nuggets and fries. Those are my top three. Oh yeah, their hash browns are really good too!!

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My birthday is 2 weeks from tomorrow. I'm gonna see if my sister can pick up some bubble tea and buffalo wings for me on the day of so I can celebrate. Haven't had bubble tea in quite awhile. It's so good.

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That sounds good! Happy Birthday early!

Having some agitation today. Trying to like redirect my thoughts and stuff but it's hard. I need something to focus on.

I talked to my boss today on a video call through Microsoft Teams. I think she is ignoring all of my, for lack of a better word, craziness this week. She is coming to visit our location on May 31st through June 10th. And she is having the employee come that I find difficult to get along with June 7-9th. Sigh. Great. The employee isn't my supervisor but she is senior to me. I am not at all looking forward to spending three days with her. Actually it will be 2.5 because I have a mammogram appointment on the 7th so I will have to leave work at 1:30 PM. I'm glad my boss isn't upset with me for all my word vomit. She probably thinks I'm nuts though. I wish I felt better.

Eh, I decided to reschedule the mammogram because my boss seemed a little disappointed that I wouldn't be here the whole time with the other employee. But I got the appointment for the next week. And I told the other employee that I was looking forward to meeting her, which is a lie, but at least it's not as much of a lie as saying I was excited to meet her. I couldn't quite get myself to write that.

My sisters boyfriend randomly got these for my cats, that was very kind of him. I wont have to buy food for quite some time because I just opened a huge bag of meow mix yesterday and now I have these I can put in my pantry for later

Awe that was so nice of him!

I got to spend a long time this morning petting on Amelia. She was laying outside on a cushion on a table on our back patio. She just let me pet her and pet her and pet her. She is shedding like crazy though--she's medium hair--but usually she does not like a lot of petting but this morning she was all for it. It was nice!

Yes it did.. But also I was on Wellbutrin..

My regular doctor's only advice is exercise.

Your regular doctor probably says that to everyone! You are pretty active though. You hike and ski and stuff! I'm impressed! I'm a couch potato!

I did some yoga today. First time doing any in over a year

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I’m trying to be healthier. Drink a lot of water, less caffeine, less sugar, more vegetables and healthier foods, more physical activity. I’m walking to the store tomorrow. Honestly I need to get out because being inside the past week is driving me crazy. I’m sure Stash will be okay for 30 minutes while I walk to Family Dollar to pick up a few things and come back. If she meows a lot while I’m gone well, it’s not the end of the world I guess. There’s only 26 days till her appointment but I can’t stay inside completely for 26 days. I have appointments and things I need to go to and that thing my building is doing to celebrate Memorial Day on Tuesday. I’m not the loudest person/apartment in the building that’s for sure.

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I love philosophical thoughts

Like this forum.. What are we even doing! We all have our own lives, different aesthetic housing/life patterns.. But we manage to connect, share these experiences..

I remember.. Long ago.. Posting a picture of the sun rising, shining in my basement.. I ate 8 pieces of bread with spaghetti sauce cuz the RISPERIDONE (Lord, * that med), I wanted to gain weight and it made me super hungry and I've never felt that euphoric to eat before.

Anyways, I hope you all have a good day... We will sleep and have crazy *** dreams - Because that is SO * NORMAL and not strange at all... Sleep, the cousin of death..

Along with some ppls day time hallucinations. I had some really strange cartoon-like dream last night... I can't believe what I was dreaming.. And it taught me some lessons that I forget but must be locked somewhere in my subconsciousness.. Must have been the microdose..

Desoxyn, sometimes you say the loveliest things!

This whole internet world - Is what I dreamed of as a kid. Unlimited information, anything - Constant this, that, other...something else. HD+, unlimited data, fast, high quality..

But my mind broke down from wifi always disconnecting, slowed down downloads after reaching max, nothing loading or taking forever to download.. then the movie downloads, I burn it to a CD - It fails - Doesn't play, corrupted - Then I deal with viruses, malware + Nothing refreshed, RAM wasn't fast enough, hard drive full, etc etc...

So my mind just expected all of this stuff for so long BECAUSE, and.. I knew that it would be better in the future. But it took so damn long.

It's like happiness in general. If you want to wait for it to get better and each time it never comes (And let me remind.. I was in complete isolation, on a farm - 10x the size of the UK - All high school friends either played hockey or did drugs..), you get depressed, your brain hardens into a boiled, black egg. Then it cracks and turns into dust.

That's why I'm so obsessed with neuroplasticity.

Anxiety..

I can't get out of everywhere

I had a pretty good day today. Managed to do a lot of reading, finished reading a book and read a bunch out of two others. Every now and then there's an hour or so where Stash isn't meowing so I take those opportunities to read or watch a show or play a game since I can't focus on those when she's meowing loudly. I made a healthy dinner. Took my meds. Brushed/flossed twice. Drank a lot of water. Kept up with doing the dishes. Took the trash out, cleaned the litter box. All things considered it's been a decent day.

Tomorrow will be even better since I'm taking a 30 minute walk outside. The only thing that sucks is that it's gonna be 96 degrees. So aide from that I'm staying inside in the AC, cleaning my apartment, doing some exercises (yoga, weights, squats w/ resistance bands, stretches,) and might play some games or watch episodes of Pokemon If I can get an hour or so of quiet.

Hoping my sister comes over Sunday. I could really use the company.

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So I'm off Wellbutrin now. Somehow my pharmacy screwed up and didn't give me my prescription when I picked up my meds and never refilled it. I think I'm just gonna stay off it, I was planning on having my doctor take me off it anyway when see her Wednesday because I feel like I don't need it anymore.

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Now I'm just on

Zoloft
Trileptal
Abilify
Thorazine

And Klonopin PRN

I'm going to see if my Zoloft can be decreased a bit. That's the only change I want my doctor to make right now because I don't think now is a good time to stop thorazine with the stress from the situation with Stash. I barely get enough sleep as it is, I wouldn't get any without it.


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