Roll Call 193

I don’t have proper drawing pencils for shading and stuff. Maybe I should get some. I’m using a mechanical pencil at the moment.

Maybe I’ll start drawing again regularly and try to get better

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"ADHD without hyperactivity is called ADD as far as I'm aware of, and I was diagnosed with both. (the H part is quite bipolar)"

Does anyone here know any good drawing pencils, not high end. Just basic that I can use to work on getting used to drawing again. I know a few of you are into art. And any colored pencil recommendations would be appreciated as well

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I found Amazon Basics brand drawing pencil kit. I’m gonna get that plus a sketchbook, and a 120 pack of crayola colored pencils. Obviously there’s much better quality stuff out there but this will be good for now

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I have a bunch of games on Steam. Can’t play them on my current laptop. But once I’m working I plan on saving up for a gaming laptop that can run them all

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I have the coffee pot set up for the morning. Gonna get up at 5am drink coffee and relax a bit maybe watch some YouTube. Then at 8 I'll put the laundry in the washer then after that I have a lot of cleaning to do so I don't have to do it over the weekend. So I'm gonna do that.

My therapist wants to meet in person on the 2nd instead of over video so I can sign some paperwork so that means I'm gonna have to leave Stash here for a few hours hopefully she'll be okay and not cause too much disruption to my neighbors.

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I have been reading ~10 books this past year but didn't finish them.

help..

It's good to be doing what I'm doing. I just have zero input from anyone but myself.

I haven't been listening to much podcasts lately. I don't know why. I want to - But I feel so under stimulated.

I'll go for a walk and listen to a podcast.. But first I'll listen to one song..

Maybe 5 songs..

With the same price as crayola 120 colors you can get castle art 72 colors, much better quality. It’s up to you of course just giving you more options

I’ve only finished 5

No this year includes 2021 too !

I try lol.. I just only like reading in the car where there's no distraction - I can read for ~2 hours that way.

My habits while at home are just need of INSTA information, fast and cheap..

"Mindfulness is the simple act of paying attention and noticing and being present in whatever you’re doing. When you are being actively mindful, you are noticing the world around you, as well as your thoughts, feelings, behaviors, movements, and effects you have on others around you."

However.. I've become so much more mindful after the Big Trip of 2016.

But you have been born in a mindful, Eastern philosophical place with



Reading in a non-native language also makes the brain connect way more too, like crazy strength of the mind.

I bought the tablet phone for reading books as well.. So I'll get onto that..

Yeah what I mean by this year was June 2021 - now

I don’t usually proud of myself but I’m proud that I read books in English which is my second language

ADD is an older term that’s no longer used, it’s only ADHD now.

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I know.. My mom says I was hyper as a kid but I don't really remember being that hyper - Just extremely... extreeemely inattentive... lol..

I was telling my doctor that "I'm doing good now" and he said "Yeah.. I've seen you for a few years now and all I was doing was adjusting your 'ADD' meds" - But he's old - It just confused me..

He said to my mom "What makes you really think he has schizophrenia?" and my mom said "He was diagnosed.." - So I start to question that too... I feel like that because I'm so high functioning, that he thinks I'm lowering my standards and benefitting off of people that have extremely severe schiz - He said "I've met people with this disorder that are extremely low functioning - But you're not stupid" or something like that..

I should probably see a different doctor but I have some sort of stockholm syndrome.

I have severe negative symptoms though (Maybe it doesn't show online - But IRL, I'm seem really apathetic/unresponsive or introverted). But no one seems to care about that - Only the positive symptoms which I'm medicated for.. + The Big 2016 Trip helped with negative symptoms.

I try so hard to overcome this - I told my doctor that my brother said "I'm obsessed with curing myself" or something.. with all of the stuff I've done on the internet.. + All of the healthy lifestyle changes/choices I've made and it's working somewhat

I remember at age 17, searching up "anhedonia" and there was no results for it.. Just some guy on a forum, updating his progress with his doctor, trying MOAI's and every medication under the sun. People were following him for 2 years and nothing worked - It was hopeless.

If you were just in psychosis though and the increased AP helped?

Feeling a miniscule amount better today. I don't know how I will do at the memorial service tomorrow for my friend.

Still kind of anxious because I haven't talked to my boss, but I haven't had to take anxiety medication today (yet) so that's good.

I can tell I'm still agitated because coworkers are bugging me, but at least most of the time I work by myself. I'm trying not to freak out about my boss not getting back to me. Oh well.

I'm glad it is almost the weekend, although I am dreading tomorrow for the memorial service. Maybe all this stuff that is going on inside of me can calm down over the weekend.

T got back to me but was very unhelpful. Sigh. I guess it's good she got back to me but why don't these people actually offer help?! More than, you're in my thoughts. Or I'm sorry you're going through this. Such crap. Like give me some skills or something. Ugh. Anyway, rant over.

Thank you! Cool, I just added those to my Amazon cart and took off the crayolas.

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That’s great! I love reading. Do you have a Goodreads account? I find it very helpful for tracking all the books I’ve read and all the books I want to read, etc. it’s a good site, helps motivate me to read

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Are you able to get yourself a treat or something? like something good to eat and maybe a coloring book/colored pencils? I find coloring helps my anxiety, helps me be more mindful. Everyone’s different though. I know it won’t solve anything but it could help the anxiety for a bit. Or journaling. For some people journaling makes things worse but for some it helps a lot. It helped me a lot,I started doing it during my first hospitalization and have been doing it ever since

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Hope WastingAsparagus, Unsure, and Falcon are okay, haven’t heard from them in awhile

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