Roll Call 195

If I get myself a bottle of Coke, I can't have a chocolate bar tonight. I'm trying to tell myself that but I'm in a very diffuse phase when it comes to discipline and I don't know if I'll comply. I hope everyone is well.

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Just got home from my appointment. They did a filling. On Thursday they’re finishing the root canal and in early October I have one more appointment for the final filling then I’m done!!! Then I just need to keep up with regular cleanings

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I threw out all of my medication last night. I was sick of feeling like a zombie on 15 mg olanzapine. I guess it's like I can't win with that stuff. Or something. I am not sure what to do. I called my psychiatrist today about it, he obviously wasn't happy about it, but he's at least re-prescribing everything except for the modafinil. Anyway, I would appreciate any tips as to how not to throw away meds again because this is seriously the last time I can do anything like this again.

Can you get on an injection? That kept me from stopping my meds when I used to do that

I am definitely going to ask my pdoc about this when I see him next. Thanks for the suggestion.

One week from today I start volunteering!

depressed. depressed. depressed.

bleh.

ordered some new boots though. they already shipped. can't wait to get them. Hopefully I will have them by Friday.

I am doing better. Sucks not having meds for a whole day. I think I am going to give the meds (in their bottles) to my parents at their house so they can hold onto the main supply of meds for me, then I will go over to their house every weekend to refill my 1-week supply. That is how it's going to have to be done for now so that I don't get the urge to throw them away.

Did you get the Cymbalta again or are you waiting for it?

I am currently waiting for my antidepressant again. I take Effexor and Remeron together. Seems to help a fair amount. When I take it.

That's great! I wish I had the stamina to volunteer these days. That's really impressive.

I don't want my cognition to deteriorate. It's the worst thing that could ever happen - But not only that, the fact that I'm on meds, and took so many drugs.. Is cuz I am a MIND. A broken MIND - It has already happened, long ago.

I pleaded for help, and 10 years through, going through so much. What has is left me with.. having to take this 10mg of olanzepine.

I want mania... But i also want peace.

Edit: I'm sure it's sleep deprivation. Working that extra day really messed me up - But so does staying up late. What do I even have to live for - Everything is getting simultaneously worse and better.

Olanzepine = Very nice. Like putting my mind back into its bucket.

It's been a productive morning, I washed my sheets, put on a fresh set of sheets/made my bed, cleaned my entire apartment, and went to the buildings coffee social thing

Drew this just now

Your drawing is beautiful, Blue_Bird! Thank you for sharing it with us!

Yes, I am on the cymbalta again. It is helping as I am just depressed and not in despair.

Thanks SK, the design is from a drawing tutorial book I have, thought I’d give it a try

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I had a breakfast burrito. It was so good. Egg, hashbrown, cheese, bacon all wrapped up in a tortilla. Yum. I think the Olanzapine increase is going to cause weight gain though. I need to watch this. Sigh.

Cool. My new Los Angeles Rams tee-shirt I bought should be here soon! It says "Out for Delivery." It is Blue/Yellow with Palm Trees and a big LA and then the Rams logo.

I also bought me and Dad matching Los Angeles Rams throw blankets. They are blue and white buffalo checked and they are fleece. They are super soft. I had a different Rams blanket but Helen Rose has claimed it for herself! Ha Ha Ha so now I will have a spare. And Helen can keep that one.

I have one more hour left of work. I am leaving early the next five days. I am working six hours, or six and a half hours. I am looking forward to getting off early.

I hope my therapy appointment goes well tonight. Lately it feels like we aren't having enough time, even with it being 50 minutes. Even with us meeting twice a week. So strange.

I go home soon. Today has still felt long though.

Been having fun getting back into art

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