Roll Call 197

Desoxyn · Feb 06, 2023, 12:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I’m not a resilient person. I’m reading/listening to an audio book about Ikigai , and it says one of the keys to happiness etc is resilience. Many people who have a strong Ikigai and have long happy life are resilient and don’t let discouragement get them down , they keep moving forward, they focus on what they can control/their objective. I let discouragement take over, and let it consume me.

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No matter what, everything is okay. No matter what happens.. I remember that Christian hippie friend, he said "God doesn't give you anything more than you can handle".

Look at us, bleeding.. What we went through - The most insane, confusing and torturous mental states. Yes, some don't make it, they are home now - But we're still here. And for a reason. A good reason!

Blue_Bird · Feb 06, 2023, 07:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desoxyn

Is anyone on an SSRI? I might ask my psychiatrist (Tomorrow) about Prozac (Fluoxetine). I took 4x 20mg of them when I was a teenager - But I'm not sure if that's what made me manic (But also numb and unfocused) or the high dose of Abilify (Severely impulsive) or a combination of both..

I'm just wondering if it would hinder my productivity and motivation (To do tasks). I tried it (In 2018), went up to 30mg - And I couldn't listen to podcasts anymore.. But I think that was cuz of the DPDR (Dissociation) - My DPDR has really been healed (Cuz of the olanzepine - Worked wonderfully for that), so taking those two in combination (Since I wasn't on olanzepine in 2018), it could help.

I tried microdosing psychedelics.. But it's pretty scary, doesn't work and I think contributes to a negative/agitated mood. I'm too scared to take a high dose right now. Being on Prozac would mean that I can't use 5HT2A psychedelics or releasing agents (Cuz of serotonin syndrome), but marijuana and ketamine is okay. The ketamine seemed to help - But doesn't last very long.

So in total, I'd be on the Invega Trinza injection (With Invega PRN pills), Vyvanse, Dexedrine SR, atenolol, olanzepine, pregabalin (This could be replaced with Prozac), zopiclone and clonazepam PRN... Not too much..

I want 120x 5mg Dexedrine IR pills (To take 2 in the morning and 2 in the evening) - Shouldn't be a problem - It would help me wake up in the morning, and also focus well (While on the Prozac), so I'd be pretty happy and focused - A little numb (But that's what I need.. A good vacation from the terrible feelings that I've been dealing with these past 2 years).

So far, so good.. I'll update on what my psychiatrist does tomorrow =]

I’m on sertraline 200mg, in addition to my other meds (abilify, Thorazine, trileptal, trazodone) hen klonopin PRN

My focus was pretty bad for awhile. It seems to come and go.

However I have been very productive while on these meds

I hope you’re able to find something that helps

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Blue_Bird · Feb 06, 2023, 09:00 AM

So I called Social Security. The lady on the phone was really nice. She said there’s no interruptions on my payments, it must have been a website error.

So now all I have to do is have my sister who’s my payee create a my social security account through the representative payee portal and update the address since I can’t do it , has to be her.

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Sometimes psychotic · Feb 06, 2023, 10:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Stoics practice negative visualization, to imagine the worse possible outcome of things, in order to be prepared. Reflect on them without worrying about them.

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I tried stoicism…it wasn’t for me….

falcon09 · Feb 06, 2023, 11:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

So I called Social Security. The lady on the phone was really nice. She said there’s no interruptions on my payments, it must have been a website error.

So now all I have to do is have my sister who’s my payee create a my social security account through the representative payee portal and update the address since I can’t do it , has to be her.

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Out of curiosity I checked the my social security website as well, it said I was receiving no current payments. So the website is definitely glitched right now, and my local social security office confirmed that my payments are ongoing.

Blue_Bird · Feb 06, 2023, 11:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by falcon09

Out of curiosity I checked the my social security website as well, it said I was receiving no current payments. So the website is definitely glitched right now, and my local social security office confirmed that my payments are ongoing.

Thank you that's good to know

SlumberKitty · Feb 06, 2023, 01:21 PM

Hey friends,

had a sort of lazy, relaxing weekend. I didn't get my sheets washed so I asked my Dad to do it today while I was at work. He usually helps me change my sheets so I don't think he will mind.

My therapist texted me Saturday but I responded to her yesterday. It was a nice text exchange. I'm happy she is my therapist.

I am a little stressed about my sister's upcoming wedding but I assume everything will be fine. I'm the maid of honor. I got the time off of work (it's in July) and so I just have to figure out what she wants me to do, specifically.

Blue_Bird · Feb 06, 2023, 02:08 PM

I hadn’t had coffee in 39 hours. I had such a bad migraine that wouldn’t go away even with lots of water and ibuprofen so I just walked to the store and bought a canister. I had a cup, I feel I focus so much better when I have coffee. Not when I have too much, when I have too much it goes in the opposite direction and I struggle to focus, and anxiety gets bad, but like if I drink it in moderation I just focus a lot better and feel better mentally/improved mood

I am going to do some lessons in my photography course today, I stopped for a few days because I was so damn stressed over the whole SSI thing

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Angelique67 · Feb 06, 2023, 02:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I’m crying. I’ve gotten nowhere in life. I’m a ****ing failure.

My anxiety is so bad tonight, I feel dissociated

Maybe dying isn’t something to be afraid of. Almost seems like it would be a relief, I feel like I shouldn’t exist (not going to do anything , just thoughts)

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It's ok Blue_Bird, things will be ok. You call up SS at 8am and tell them you're not receiving any benefits. Hugs!

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Blue_Bird · Feb 06, 2023, 02:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Angelique67

It's ok Blue_Bird, things will be ok. You call up SS at 8am and tell them you're not receiving any benefits. Hugs!

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Thanks, I called them today. Turns out I am still receiving them it was just a computer glitch that made it look like I wasn’t getting any on the my social security account website , so it’s all good now

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Angelique67 · Feb 06, 2023, 02:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

So I called Social Security. The lady on the phone was really nice. She said there’s no interruptions on my payments, it must have been a website error.

So now all I have to do is have my sister who’s my payee create a my social security account through the representative payee portal and update the address since I can’t do it , has to be her.

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That's good. Hugs!

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Angelique67 · Feb 06, 2023, 02:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Thanks, I called them today. Turns out I am still receiving them it was just a computer glitch that made it look like I wasn’t getting any on the my social security account website , so it’s all good now

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I'm so glad.

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Angelique67 · Feb 06, 2023, 02:31 PM

Happy birthday to Erti. Hope it will be a good one.

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Blue_Bird · Feb 06, 2023, 04:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SlumberKitty

Hey friends,

had a sort of lazy, relaxing weekend. I didn't get my sheets washed so I asked my Dad to do it today while I was at work. He usually helps me change my sheets so I don't think he will mind.

My therapist texted me Saturday but I responded to her yesterday. It was a nice text exchange. I'm happy she is my therapist.

I am a little stressed about my sister's upcoming wedding but I assume everything will be fine. I'm the maid of honor. I got the time off of work (it's in July) and so I just have to figure out what she wants me to do, specifically.

I despise washing my sheets. I do it, and wash my comforter usually once a week or every two weeks depending on whether I'm feeling up to it, it just feels like such a pain, even though it shouldn't because its no different than doing other laundry. Sometimes I have to remind myself that I'm thankful to live in a building with washers and dryers. Because the last place I lived, the laundry room had a gas leak and collapsed and they never repaired it after that so I had to walk a mile to the laundromat carrying my clothes I needed to wash. Which sucked lol

Hope you have a good experience at your sister's wedding as maid of honor

Blue_Bird · Feb 06, 2023, 04:07 PM

Plan on getting on the treadmill tomorrow, for 30 minutes, then do some weight lifting and squats.

Wednesday I have yoga class, so that will be fun. Yoga for an hour and a half wears me the hell out but it is only a couple times a month, and it makes me feel good afterward. I feel like I've had a really thorough workout after that

I'm gonna try out my air fryer for the first time tomorrow. I always get nervous when first trying out new types of appliances but after a couple uses I get more comfortable with it

SlumberKitty · Feb 06, 2023, 04:20 PM

Waiting for GP to either call me back or message me through the portal.

Desoxyn · Feb 06, 2023, 06:16 PM

Dexedrine.. in the morning.. and Prozac. If that doesn't work, Cymbalta. If things get super bad, I go to the ER and trial on "Clozapine" or "ECT". But today is a good day, just strong coffee in the morning, slight heart palp. I'm eating at a Greek restaurant rn =] all is good..

cogladaid · Feb 06, 2023, 06:19 PM

Looking to get another dog. A small one. A friend for our chihuahua Halsey. She’s lonely and lazy. She needs a friend. We lost our other chihuahua a couple years ago. They were BFFs. I miss him.

But she needs a friend. We have a couple leads though. Hopefully we find a good match of a small dog. They’re hard to find.

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cogladaid · Feb 06, 2023, 08:14 PM

Honestly I would have grabbed up this dog today from the rescue place we were by. He had three legs and soooo cute. Just a puppy. But he was a husky and would be a big dog. We couldn’t handle a big dog in our condo. Which sucks because this dog was soooooo cute omg.

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Desoxyn · Feb 06, 2023, 08:40 PM

I don't like cute things

cogladaid · Feb 06, 2023, 08:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desoxyn

I don't like cute things

Well I’m sorry but you’re cute so you have to like cute now.

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Desoxyn · Feb 06, 2023, 08:59 PM

Thx lol - I tried looking up the neuroscience of gender, sexuality, hormones etc. Some parts of the brain? Larger or smaller than others.. And there's "transgender lesbian/gay/straight", it's all a confusing mess to me (And so is my mind)

"responsiveness expressed by women towards cuteness has been evolved to ensure that a female allocates her caretaking resources to her youngest offspring while it needs mothering care"

I like cute things.. But sometimes my mom and sister would show me too many cute videos in one day and I'd be like ".." and they'd say, "What's wrong? Are you okay?" - So, my conclusion.. Being okay = More sensitive, idk

And not a serious thing.. I'm too serious many times - And when I'm not? People don't take me seriously.. But then also most of the times I don't want them to ^-

Blue_Bird · Feb 07, 2023, 05:53 AM

Good morning, up early. Woke up at 4am and couldn't get back to sleep I went to bed really early last night (around 8pm) so it's okay. It's almost 6am now Took my morning meds . Going to the coffee social downstairs later. Also working out and cleaning.

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Blue_Bird · Feb 07, 2023, 07:01 AM

90% complete with my 30 day beginner photography course, only 3 more days/lessons left

Blue_Bird · Feb 07, 2023, 08:36 AM

Did the treadmill for 30 minutes today. Taking a short break then gonna do the weights and squats

Feel good

Wasn’t feeling up to doing it but now I feel like I got more energy from it

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