Roll Call 197

Thanks thanks. I appreciate it.

I think, after reflecting a bit about it, it's not necessarily the medication that was/is the problem. It is that I uprooted myself from my old life and put myself into a new place. So I guess I have to grow new roots here. That is the best way I have to explain it.

I need a shower. But in all likelihood I will wait until after food distribution tomorrow because I always get all grimey after that. I don't want to shower two days in a row even though I know lots of people who do. I just can't seem to get my act together enough to do that.

I meditated for 15 minutes , will probably do another 15-20 minutes later tonight before bed

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Nice, meditation always seems to help me.

You guys gave me the idea to meditate - So I did that, but I YouTubed "Advanced meditation" (I was just curious to see what it's like), eyes were supposed to be open, great ideas (With the visuals of nature), focus on breath - But after 8 minutes, I stopped (From trying to figure things out, deeply), got distracted.

My mind is foggy.. I talked to a friend and I just had to leave the conversation - My mind isn't clear.

So my advice is to not rush to advanced things... lol

I’m reading a book called A Wizards Guide to Defensive Baking.

It’s a fantasy novel about a 14 year old girl who works in a bakery and there’s murders happening in town and she is getting accused of them because shes a wizard/does magic. Her magic helps the bread and stuff she bakes come out extremely well and made her aunts bakery really popular. (She’s an apprentice to her aunt) It’s like a cozy, fantasy, murder mystery novel. I keep finding more of these cool cozy type fantasy books. The first one I read was Legends and Lattes by Travis Baldree about an orc who wanted to stop living a life of traveling and fighting and opens a coffee shop.

Interesting unique little genre

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My downstairs neighbors are being very loud tonight. They’re drunk or high or whatever most likely, they always do this on Friday nights because they think they can get away with it because the property manager and housing support specialist isn’t downstairs in the office on weekends. They’re here every week day. Security guard is here 24 hours a day 7 days a week.

I don’t even know who lives downstairs from me but it generally escalates to fighting and yelling and slamming doors over and over which they’re doing now. There’s also someone in the hallway right now angry and yelling. It’s almost 10:30pm

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Tomorrow I’m cleaning my apartment and playing some of a campaign of Descent: Legends of the Dark (tabletop rpg board game) I don’t know if I can finish a whole campaign in one sitting, especially since it’s my first time playing and I’m still learning. I doubt it. But I at least want to play a couple hours of it and try to learn a bit of it.

going to my friends on Sunday, we’re going to play Descent together (he’s gonna explain more to be about how the game is played while we’re playing) and also a few rounds of the digimon TCG.

Part of me is tempted to stay up all night tonight learning about it

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It's best to zopiclone myself to sleep - Cuz then I just fall asleep after the sun rises. lol ^-

Feeling really good past 2 days. Hopefully tomorrow will be good too.

Glad to hear it! Hope you continue to feel good.

I took my meds last night and fell asleep around 11 and woke up at 7am today , I didn’t want to sleep but the tiredness from my meds got overwhelming and I couldn’t stay up like I wanted to lol

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Good day today =] Woke up early for work, 9am-12pm, shower etc. Now ready for the day..

I have to plan what to say to my psychiatrist.. I have to mention the insanity that happened (Before the injection)..

I have to sort out which meds to have 3-6 month refills for.. I don't think I'll go on Prozac though.. I'm pretty okay now.. The pregabalin works amazingly well.

Ket and not drinking alcohol also helps.

After further thought, I think I am gonna take the olanzapine 15 mg like I said. Just makes me more comfortable.

Also, my therapist was saying stuff like "psychotropics help over time" not necessary in the short term, to which I had to basically not laugh because her understanding of it was poor. I think. At least. I mean don't different medications have different effects? One medication is not equal to another, correct?

Also, it seems like every time I lower the olanzapine lower than 10 mg, I begin to experience problems. I don't want to feel that kind of anxiety anymore. It's not just anxiety, it's stuff that develops into psychosis.

Sleep is important. Staying up all night is hard on the body. And skipping meds is a bad idea.

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Also, the negative effects from going off Zyprexa were bad. I couldn't sleep for ****.

Luckily, I have a doctor (pdoc) down here who is understanding and does not get personally offended if I change things. My past psychiatrist (in the US) had this iron-fisted mentality.

Yup, I haven’t had that impulse to stay up all night in a long time but I took my meds and went to bed last night

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Anyway I spent time today playing and learning the game

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The above post is just an expression of how I'm feeling I guess.. It doesn't really mean anything. All is still okay for now.

Played the first quest in the game, I screwed up a bit and failed the quest , but it’s okay, I’m learning as I play. I also unlocked the rest of the game in the companion app because regardless if I failed the mission it is complete and listed as a fail

Anyway, this may be stupid but playing these types of games is a lot of fun to me and really takes my mind off my anxiety and puts me in another world, it’s nice, and while I’m playing I go 2-3 hours disconnected from my phone /social media and stuff, so I’m not getting like too much screen time. It’s nice that you can play solo, I do like to play with my friend when we can get together but it’s nice to always have the option to play by myself when I feel like it.

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That’s great to have a fun game to play! Always nice to find fun ways to pass the time. Glad you’re enjoying.

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Lately I’ve been getting into cooking and menu planning. I’ve made dinner the last three nights.

Thursday I made pork burgers with sweet potato fries (not too much just fried the pork and put the frozen fries in the oven).

Yesterday I made lemon pepper chicken wings and sweet potato fries (they’re so good). Oven baked so not that hard.

Today I made mussel fettuccine with a garlic basil wine cream sauce.

Tomorrow I’m making garlic cumin lamb with bacon Parmesan brussel sprouts.

My mom is encouraging me to take up cooking more for a hobby. Which is nice to do. But part of me just likes to have control over what I’m eating and how it’s prepared. A common trend with people with anorexia is a love for making meals for others.

So that fits. This sense of control works with me. Makes me feel calmer.

I know it’s crazy and disordered but im actually enjoying it.

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