Roll Call 197

I really hated that psychiatrists controlled me. But it was needed (Cuz I was incredibly immature) - But now that I show how responsible and knowledgable, careful, cautious I am... My new psychiatrist really respects how I've managed to cope/recover.. And he's an amazing listener (Like not even any regular person I've met).

He's the emergency psychiatrist. But I adopted him though as my regular pdoc!

I’ve had a really good day. I did laundry, and spent several hours cleaning, rearranging, and decluttering my apartment. It looks a lot better. That is really the main thing I did today, it took a lot of time, but I’m happy with how things look mostly. I still want to do/get some fresh home decor stuff like color changing lamps to really give it a nice vibe and things like that but it will be done over a slow period of time, like over the course of the next year or so. I have to pay off the college bookstore first and foremost before I buy anything non essential , because I want to be able to go back to college in august. Oh yeah, I’m getting my haircut next weekend but that’s the only non essential thing I’m really buying/paying for for at least 5 months. I feel like that’s kind of essential though because it’s been 3 years since I’ve gotten my hair cut and I’m extremely sick of how long it is; it’s a pain to deal with.

Tomorrow I’m calling the library to ask what’s up with my volunteer application I submitted.

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I’m making boneless leg of lamb with brussel sprouts today. The lamb has garlic, butter, and cumin going to be slow roasted. Brussel sprouts are going to be cooked in bacon fat, roasted, mixed with bacon and parmesan cheese and also with a lime crema. It’s so good. I’m excited.

Aside from that I’m feeling really good. My OCD symptoms have gone away. I’m not washing crazily. I’m good. My mood is really good.

Eating disorder wise not great but idk. It is what it is. I can’t help myself.

I see my doctor on Tuesday.

I had this weird dream last night where I was in school and my doctor was also my teacher and he was concerned about my eating and my weight. What does that say. Hahaha. I’m screwed up.

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Very good day today. I got afraid of a coworker, and then my mood/perception changed and things were okay.

I wrote down things to say to my psychiatrist (That I stopped the lamotrigine, increased the olanzepine back up to 10mg, and didn't need any Invega pills - But it was tough before the injection, etc).

12x 5mg Dexedrine IR (A day) would be ideal. Is this possible? idk.. My mom could dispense once per week (Like with the Concerta when I was younger) if there's concern.

No I can't have that many.. cuz then I'll obsess with peaks, valleys - I just want to focus, be more motivated, alert etc and not have to think about it.

I don't want it to be like candy. But also I chew 10-12x nicotine gum every day, so Idek - But I do that without thinking.

Edit: I'll just take one dose Vyvanse in the morning.. I've had enough. Then see if I need med changes after that.

Nope. I have no idea. I'm going to completely let my psychiatrist think about what to do (Based on what I say, symptoms etc)...

Edit: But also, helping him to help me has worked so far.. I'm just clueless RN. A lot is going on.

I walked to CVS to pick up some of my meds. Then I met with my housing support specialist and corrected something with social security and faxed them. There was a mistake, I may get backpay for the last 3 years I've lived here because they were giving me less than I was supposed to get because they had my address/living arrangments wrong. I don't know if I will get the back pay or not, it would be nice, roughly $2,300. However that depends on social security and if they feel like it or not I guess, honestly I'm just relieved that I shouldn't owe them any money. My supportive housing person said if they don't give me backpay at the very least they'll correct/increase the monthly amount going forward,

I have an appointment with my psychiatrist tomorrow. I'm doing pretty well, so I don't need any med changes or anything, just checking in and getting refills

I feel like the Latuda is working for the most part. I guess. I don't know. How do you know if something's working or not?

Also my Spanish has gotten worse for sure. I feel like I used to be able to converse pretty fluently when I was down here before.

So that is definitely really frustrating.

No worries. You'll pick it back up much quicker than you think. Give or take 2-3 weeks ^-

I always feel like I’m never making progress with my weight loss. But I looked in my journal and a month ago today I weighed 176 lbs. This morning when I weighed myself I was 171 lbs. So I’ve lost 5 lbs the past month. Proud of myself.

This is healthy weight loss, I’m eating enough

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Idk what to say to my psychiatrist. Everything is happening so fast. Crazy things have happened.

Did 30 minutes on the treadmill the day, plus some weights , and squats with resistance bands.

Have an appointment with my psychiatrist over video in about an hour and 45 minutes from now

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My trip to Peru got cancelled. I was going with a Church. I'm disappointed and stuff. But there are a lot of demonstrations there right now. Maybe it is for the best. Still bummed though

Have a therapy appointment tonight. looking forward to it. It's been a hard week.

I still think I need the 15 mg olanzapine. Yikes.

I get so anxious without the 15 mg olanzapine. I see my psychiatrist down here on Thursday, trying to get in sooner.

Sorry your trip got canceled SK...

My appointment went well. It was quick. She asked how things are going with my therapist with working on the trauma stuff (they work in the same office) and I told her it’s going well , and that talking about everything has helped overall even though at first it was hard and kind of made things worse for awhile. I told her about the weight loss and she asked how I did it and said healthy/balanced eating and exercising, she said that’s really good and is glad I have managed to stop bingeing and am no longer purging etc and she asked if things are still on track for me to go back to college in August and I said yes, asked about the library volunteer stuff, I told her I turned in the application in person to them and called them today, the librarian wasn’t in the office or at her desk when I called this morning, so I have to call back and try again so I can figure out how long it generally takes to hear back about volunteer applications. She said she is proud of me and that I’m doing well and to keep doing what I’m doing. Sent out my refills to my pharmacy and we are meeting again on March 28th

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Sorry about your trip SK

I hope this week gets better for you

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I'm 3 days behind on ADHD meds. I'll just continue taking as prescribed - And let my psychiatrist know. These next 7 days, I'll just take meds.. prescribed.. And notice how I do.. Then let him know...

I'm sorry about your trip getting canceled. I know you were looking forward to it. Hugs

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Does anyone else think this question is hard to answer: Do you see or hear things that others don't?

When I was in the hospital last they asked me that. I said how do I know what you see or hear unless you tell me?

Sometimes I have the sense that my hallucinations are not real but other times it is harder. I just wondered how that question is supposed to be answered.

It's a difficult question when you have less insight. I was asked "Have you been hearing voices?" and then I realize, "Yeah, I have been" - But I knew they weren't real and was dealing with worse mental state problems and didn't give them second thought. I was so young too so I didn't realize.