Roll Call 197

Thanks Desoxyn

I am thinking of ordering a pizza tomorrow evening. Just something simple like a cheese or pepperoni pizza. I'm not going grocery shopping till Friday, and I have nothing in my fridge except eggs, and bread on my counter, some crackers and yogurt and don't feel up to walking to the store tomorrow to buy food to carry home, because I already have to go get cat food and litter to carry home which is super heavy. So I think a pizza is a good easy idea. I haven't had one for awhile, and haven't eaten take out for over a month.

I'm eating good and am not bingeing anymore, so while part of me wants to say no, that's bad, I just lost 5 lbs this past month, ordering a pizza isn't going to screw that up. I'm still eating healthy a majority of the time, and it is about balance, and I'm exercising

Pizza sounds good Blue_Bird

Like I saw my doctor today. I saw him two weeks ago and told him about my anorexia. He was concerned but I said I was trying. Since then I decided to be worse not better. And I saw him today and told him that. I’m not doing great at eating well and I’m not ready to stop. He can’t do anything because I’m an adult. Can’t force me into treatment. He suggested it but I’m not there. He pretty much says he’ll be here if I change my mind.

My mood is good though. Just not eating that great. I ate two meals today though so that’s good I guess. Trying not to feel bad about it.

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The other thing I noticed without olanzapine is that I cannot sleep. Like at all.

I am just much more balanced on it.

The only problem (or potential problem) is the weight gain. I hope when I see my doctor tomorrow he can come up with some sort of plan. I've been really struggling since I got down here with anxiety and stress.

Probably a good idea with the extra cold weather.

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SK sorry about your trip, hugs.

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I have decided I am willing to accept the side effects of olanzapine for the positive effect it gives me.

Yeah I’m thinking of just ordering the cat food and litter and a few other household essentials through Walmart home delivery Thursday. like same day delivery from my local store. It’s gonna be super cold throughout the week. In the 20’s and later in the week negative 8 degrees. So tomorrow evening I’ll get the pizza. Thursday Walmart home delivery for the cat stuff. Then Friday I’ll get the grocery shopping over I guess depending. I might have to order groceries though on the weekend depending on the weather. I can’t sit outside at a bus stop for 30 minutes in -8 weather.

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Can you order groceries through Walmart? Personally I might splurge just this once. This super cold weather usually happens once a year, at least here.

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Yes I can, they accept Foodstamps for online orders , all I’d have to do is pay cash from my debit card to cover the delivery fee and tip, so I could probably do that

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It might actually be wise to hold off on the pizza from dominoes and just order the groceries, I can add a frozen pizza which I can buy with EBT which is cheaper, and I won’t have to use cash towards takeout delivery which is quite expensive.


Edit: Okay, I made my grocery list, I'll order it all thursday morning when my foodstamps come in, and pay the delivery fee and tip with money from my debit card

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Heart palps!

I want a euphoric, focused, calm, manic, stable and mystical psychosis.

That's what I wish it were like if I stopped meds

But instead it's a dysphporic, unfocused, agitated, depressed, unstable and plain psychosis.

They are here to teach me a lesson. If I don't read about Buddhism, gods, and other things, I'll die - Ready, but less ready than if I were to obtain more knowledge. So it's like God poking me with a stick.

Worst case is that it's psychosis and I die, then people read this - And say, "He was sick".

All jokes, coping mechanism writing.. idk

"Panentheism is the belief that divinity pervades the universe, but that it also transcends the universe"

I want to make a goal to read a bunch of books. It's so hard to focus. I hope my psychiatrist can fix that + I can do this by myself through meditation, etc healthy things.

I haven't made a list of the most important healthy things... Exercise and proper eating are the main ones.. to drink a lot of water.. etc

Therapy was good last night. I didn't want to stop talking to my therapist but I always stop on time. I'm feeling c-r-a-p-p-y today. Suicidal and self harm thoughts. And lots of depression. I texted the 988 number for quite a while. It helped a bit. I felt heard, seen, validated. Still feeling sucky but hopefully it will get better. I texted my therapist today too.

I feel bad today too. I miss everyone back home.

I don't know if it's workable or not.

HUGS WastingAsparagus

Good sleep. Drank a coffee, 2pm got ready for the day. Lots of energy.

If my parents buy that house, it would be the best life ever (And it's likely to happen). It would be so insane..

I'll keep the same meds with psychiatrist.. 2x 40mg Vyvanse or at least an extra 10mg Dexedrine SR. I don't think I'll try Prozac.. Cuz lately, it's been good..

I plan to read "Jim Kwik's" book "Limitless" or something? I'll make a goal to read ~20 minutes a day.. + The running (Once it warms up).

I'm not sure exactly 100% what I'm doing, but got to fake it a little.

Hey everyone just doing a little reflecting and thinking about how grateful I am for everyone's support over the years. Because I've been active on this site for about three or four years now. It really does mean a lot.

It’s great to have you here WA

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Hope you feel better SK it’s good you used that number , that’s a good idea

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