Roll Call 201

At work about to clock in, training to learn to run job orientations

I've been getting so easily irritable lately and don't like it. I wonder if meditation can help.

I'm home now, work went surprisingly well

I find meditation is very helpful

My fitbit inspire 2 came today, I just set it up! It came with fitbit premium for a year

Not seeing your pics now. Shows up as a broken square.

Sent from my Nokia XR20 using Tapatalk

That's odd, they show up on my laptop and phone on this website

Maybe Tapatalk has to get updated or something. If I find out what the problem is I'll let you know.

Sent from my Nokia XR20 using Tapatalk

Good day today =]

And I guess the European Union is collecting data on me here.

Yeah EU, - Just know.. I'm your biggest fear. Don't forget that.

What did you expect, searching keywords from here, Central Intelligence Agency people...

My soul is more divine than any of your immortality projects. I will make sure that they will never come to fruition. Mark my words. You will fail.

Unless you arrest me for breaking a law that doesn't even exist yet. If I go out, the whole universe does too. So my best advice is that you watch me closely, but keep distance.

No am jk lol

Paranoia at its finest =p

My mom asked me if I wanted to visit one of her hotels, and stay there.. It would be a few hour drive, through the Rockies - I said "I'll be fine here, overnight.."

But no.. All I'll do is try to understand apocalyptic things. So I'll go with my mom, to the hotel, listen to a podcast during the drive etc..

I have to find some good podcasts. I will make the theme as "Meditation" (Cuz I used ket) - Therefore, I will focus on mind.. and divine awareness.. Still, observant.. Looking at the Christmas trees, covered in snow, the rivers, mountains and lakes..

It'll be good. I'm on all of the right meds (For what ever that is worth - It's worth a lot btw.. How would I ever manage, in this world, if I was the same now as back then? Although the world hasn't changed much, honestly..)...

And there lies freedom of thought and perception. To see how everyone else sees it - And not as a psychosis person.

Had a good time volunteering with the cats today!

I’m off today. Tomorrow I have work from 5pm to 9pm , then work again Thursday from 11am to 3pm. Then I’m off for 3 days.

Gonna practice violin a little later today. Feeling pretty good

My pulse was irregular last night, for short while. Then my back hurt (But upper) - I either have a kidney stone or musculoskeletal pain.

I listened to the podcast during the drive, I'll meditate soon.. Maybe sneak in some apocalyptic news first (I know, I can't help myself..)...

Done working for today. I kept a lot calmer today. Those long streams of bad luck didn't show up today. Will find a movie on amazon prime to watch. Last day. My membership ends tomorrow.

Had a good appointment with my psychiatrist today. I asked him to decrease the chlorpromazine (Thorazine) and he said that was perfectly fine, so now I’ll be taking 100mg of it instead of 200mg. I started on 400mg and was on 400mg of it for 4-5 years. My goal is to eventually get off it, slowly. But to keep taking my other meds. Trileptal, abilify, Zoloft, and propranolol. He sent out refills. He said he touched base with my sister about me becoming my own payee and he said she felt I was ready too but that he’s gonna push it to January just to make sure things keep going well with the job and managing things etc. which is completely fair, I think that’s a good idea given my history. We have an appointment on January 5th and if all goes well he’ll fill out the paperwork for me to be my own payee.

Going on a well needed mountain hike then to vons supermarket. Feeling better today. I'll try hard to meditate today. I keep forgetting. It's not easy sitting still doing and thinking about nothing. Maybe it's okay to meditate for 10 to 15 minutes at first.

I hear voices all throughout the day but getting better at ignoring them. Some are nice. Some are hateful. I stopped taking meds long time ago after leaving T. Idk if it was good to leave but I survived and think I'll make it alone. I have deep deep feelings every day about my reality and everything but I'm also getting much better at ignoring it. It's hard to ignore but practice helps.

When I get sucked into the deep deep reality things I guess that's called psychosis.

Very tired. Just got back from vons and the mountain hike. Being in nature is so healing and amazing. I mean nice nature trails. Not some strip in the desert. They have really nice and popular mountain nature trails out here. It's often like being on a safari with 10 foot tall very thick bushes on both sides on a 3 foot wide winding trail and then it opens up here and there to amazing views.

So I get thanksgiving off. But I work a 5 hour shift Black Friday then a 8 hour shift that Saturday

I've learned about what attractiveness is. I've been avoiding it for my life (I don't look at attractive people, avoid them - If they want to talk to me, I then treat them like anyone else. I still prefer to not have sex with anyone for my whole life). I like edgy facial features. And I love geometry.. I want to learn about it (Even spiritual geometry).

Nature is pure geometry.. And everyones existence/look is beautiful (To me) - But I am not some hyper space alien.. I am human.. We all have likes/dislikes, and judge, love and get scared etc.

Humans are cute. If you take an evil person, there's always a little good - If there's not? Then the person is 100% psychopath - But those patterns will evolve over lifetimes of reincarnation, going through hell (Possibly running the whole thing - Like we all will be BTW.., to complete the circle..), and then finding God..

The creator of the universe.. Which is in us all, the now.. And that is why we are to live in the now - As we even if we aren't?, we are still in the now.. And will always be (Until laws of physics change, perspectives, - Delusions..). It's all a delusion, schiz friends. It is life.

(But still take your antipsychotic meds - I am still taking them too.. They've really really helped..)..

Next week, I take the 2700 dollar Invega Trinza injection. I am a medical experiment.

I got almost 13,000 steps today between work and walking to my psychiatrist appointment

Watched an episode of anime with my bf tonight over FaceTime SharePlay since we both got off work around the same time tonight. Then I took a shower. Now I’m listening to music and feeling really good. Got work in the morning. Gotta head to the bus stop at 9:40am. I’m work from 11am to 3pm. Then I get a 3 day weekend. Not sure if I’ll get any sleep tonight. It’s a little after midnight now and I’m not tired. Next week I work 12 hours. Then the week after that (thanksgiving week) I work 21 hours. Which is gonna be a lot but I’m glad to be getting more hours because I want the money to put in savings.

Still didn't meditate. I need to finish this work asap. But I must go on mountain hikes. They're addicting and amazing. I lost the desire to meditation ever since losing spirituality. All of my Ts highly recommended it though. So I'll give it a try.