Roll Call 201

Yeah I have her on Facebook , I called social security though to ask and I can’t do the ticket to work program since I’m already hired but I can make up to a certain amount without it affecting my benefits.

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I feel really bad today. I can't take it anymore. I need help.

But no one can help me. I exist, forever. I hate this reality. I hate sex now, and sex obsessed people and society. I hated growing up. I hate the world. I want to die.

I'm not smart enough to do things. And I don't want to do them anyways.

This existence is pain. I don't want to help anyone either, cuz they're all just hallucinations - This whole world. It's just a dream.

It just goes around in a big circle.

I don't want love. It's fake.

No one can ****ing understand anything I'm saying. I'm not a person, just a series of random patterns that don't make any sense. That's all this world is.

All I can do is try to feel better - Cuz I have no choice but to live. Cuz I exist forever anyways - What ever ******** that I'm hallucinating.

So I took phenibut. That'll kick in in 2 hours.

Sorry.. Was just venting. I'll feel better..

Work really gets to me. And the weird autist friend, and all of the time I've lost.. My family doesn't like it.

I spent over a year, doing basically nothing - But listening to podcast clips, making goals that I haven't accomplished much.

My mom says that I do well, helping her with things.. I just feel like a failure in some way. I don't want my mom to work so much.. She has nothing.

I feel so much better =[

I'm sorry!

=]

So I just need to learn, that I can feel better..

It's like bipolar.

It is fake in a way, but it provides happiness so why not?

I love happiness =]

But there's many other things of course! (Common for me to list "Many things" and "etc", that I can't list at the top of my head)...

But eventually, I'll list all the things in the universe. I will although need a powerful fusion reactor (For the energy);

"The UK plans to build the world's first fusion power plant, STEP, based on a 'tokamak' design that uses magnetic fields to confine a plasma of heavy isotopes of hydrogen, tritium, and deuterium, which fuse under extreme heat and pressure. The international ITER experiment being built in southern France aims to do that in 2035. The Chinese Fusion Engineering Testing Reactor could come online as early as 2035, and DEMO, a European successor to ITER, is planned for the 2050s"

Getting some McDonald’s this weekend to celebrate getting my first job. Probably getting a Big Mac , fried and a Frappuccino

I’m curious as to what my actual schedule will be. Will probably find out during orientation.

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Harvested our jalapeños! My mom’s cousin gave us a bunch of corn when we went and bought honey from him (we now have 14 gallons of honey), so we canned some corn salsa with some of the jalapeños.

So the stuff sliced in the picture are all being pickled and canned so we’ll have pickles jalapeños all winter long. I love them on like burgers, hot dogs, pizza, poutine, and in nacho mac and cheese.

Also we threw some potatoes in a couple pots in the spring and they actually produced some potatoes! They’re tiny but it’s enough for some roasted potatoes.

So I productive day. I also went to the chiropractor and the gym. All good.

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That’s awesome! I’ve never canned anything before. Seems like fun

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I bought three brand new button down shirts for work. Dress code is any solid color professional collared shirt (of any color) with no logos showing on it, or blouse, jeans, pants, or dresses. All are acceptable. It’s buisiness casual. So I got a black one, a white one, and a light blue one. I got long sleeved ones because it’s air conditioned inside and fall is coming soon anyway. I’m just gonna wear them with jeans because that’s what I have right now but once I get my first paycheck I plan on buying a couple pairs of dress pants and maybe one more button down and a haircut.

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Also just made some honey bbq sauce going to use it on some ribs tomorrow.

I’m going to figure out something to do with a bunch of fresh broccoli as well.

Gotta do some cleaning tomorrow. Don’t want to but gotta do it.

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All the cooking you do is inspiring ! I want to learn how to cook more , I rarely do it due to lack of motivation

I have to clean tomorrow too, and also don’t feel like it. Lol but I set aside 2 1/2 hours aside in the morning to just get it done and over with

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Played a couple rounds of the yugioh card game with my boyfriend tonight then we watched some anime

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These are the shirts I got

Practiced violin for 30 minutes today, I didn’t practice for a couple days but plan on practicing everyday because I have another lesson next Sunday and I want to improve some by then.

Honestly this week was a lazy week.

Monday went and got savoury crepes takeout for dinner. Tuesday had rice bowls for takeout for dinner. Thursday we went and got burgers takeout. Friday we ended up getting fries from Five Guys and made poutine. Today we did make fried fish (and also used the leftover fries) for lunch but we went and got pitas for dinner.

We just were busy or tired or lazy this week. Try to eat takeout less this next week lol.

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Woke up happy this morning. Still happy.

Wow, looks like I missed a lot! Congrats, Blue_Bird on your job! I hope it's going well.

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Happy birthday to Newtus, hope it's a good one!

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I’m baking chicken drumsticks tomorrow. I’ve never done that before so hopefully it goes well. I found a recipe online. It’s basically just olive oil and a bunch of spices coating them then bake in 400 degree oven for 40 minutes. Seems simple enough. Going to have them with cheddar mashed potatoes and mixed veggies.

Watched a movie with my boyfriend today (Forgetting Sarah Marshall) which was hilarious and great and we played yugioh as well.

One of my shirts I bought for work came today.

Been playing Pokémon Go a lot, catching a lot of different Pokémon.

I have a dentist appointment on Wednesday morning to replace a crown that fell out. It was already due to be replaced Wednesday anyway but it just randomly fell out when I was eating the other day so I guess it was good timing. Annoying thing about it is the bit of tooth that was underneath is sharp as hell so like every time I try to eat or swallow something the jagged edge scratches up my tongue and it hurts. So hopefully they can take care of that.

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Since my first shift is 4-9pm on Wednesday I hope that will be my shift for awhile , that’s not too bad. I’ll find out my full schedule on my first day.

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I have my wax warmer on melting sugar cookie scented wax. It smells amazing

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Had a nightmare that I was at a group interview for ny job (my actual interview was just me over the phone with the manager). But in the dream I didn’t get the job, I woke up in a panic thinking thank god it was just a dream. Already having job anxiety related dreams and I haven’t even begun my first day yet. lol.

Anyway, I have my volunteer shift tomorrow. Then Wednesday I have a dentist appointment in the morning and work in the evening. It’s driving me crazy not knowing my full schedule yet because I like to plan my days far in advance. So I don’t know what Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday will be. I’m guessing it will just be more 4-9pm shifts but I don’t know what days I’ll get off if any. (Since I already take/requested Tuesdays off for volunteering) I hope I have at least one day of no work or volunteering. Just a day to do nothing and unwind. We’ll see

This is probably a really weird question but I’m gonna list some food items I have and if anyone has any good ideas of things I can make out of them let me know

-Ramen noodles
-eggs
-1 can chicken
-brown rice
-frozen fruit
-Oatmeal
-lots of canned veggies
-Pancake mix (just add water) and sugar free syrup
-Frozen mixed stir fry veggies (I do have some teriyaki sauce)
-chicken drumsticks (a huge thing of them in my freezer)
-2 packs of hot dogs
-Pasta
-sauce

That’s all I really have in the house right now.
I have tons of spices. Trying to get creative cause I have a week until my Foodstamps come in.

No bread of any kind
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