Roll Call 202

My car didn't start this morning and I don't have any money spare for anything. Thought I was a goner for sure but my car insurance sent someone out and my battery just needed jumping. I haven't driven my car in 7 weeks because the grocery store is so close.

Besides that everything's okay. Still shaking. If something bad happens I'll have to go to the forest to fade away which is very frightening thought for me so I hope to make it. Soon hopefully I'll be making money with my business.

I love this thought haha. It doesn't bother me as much, after DPDR is gone - They just need to wake up. My fear is that they will continue to be this way until their deaths, and then I'm like "Stop it! *Spikes their drinks with wavy colour melty compounds*".

.

I'd only do that to the top most evil person in the world. Who wouldn't.. So. Cuz spiking is very wrong.. If someone gave me a 200mg THC edible? I'd die.. And my mom *definitely* would (Because she has multiple heart conditions). But the only homicidal thoughts I've had were about my moms ex, and I had them for many years. I tell psychiatrists, and they're like "Ok fair enough..".

I got an otterbox iPhone 13 case for my sister as part of her Christmas gifts. She said she needed a new case for her iPhone when I asked if there was anything she needed or wanted. So I got that, it’s a really good brand. I’ve used them before. It was on sale from $40 down to $20. They’re not cheap cases. But they’re worth it. I also got her a full sized yankee candle.

I’m gonna finish my Christmas shopping next Friday. The other gift I’m getting for my sister is aromatherapy lotion from bath and body works. For my niece I’m getting a yankee candle, an aromatherapy lotion from bath and body works, and a $25 Amazon gift card. I’m probably also gonna make something for them both like homemade dessert of some sort.

For my boyfriend I’m getting a videogame for his PS4, some new guitar strings, and new yugioh cards and sleeves.

I feel like I picked pretty good gifts for everyone this year. I might throw in two of those holiday mugs/cocoa sets at work I keep seeing displayed for my sister and niece. Then that’s it

Oh no wait, I still have to Christmas shop for my cats. I will get them some temptations treats, some of those squeezable treats, catnip and maybe a new toy. I’ll probably also buy some treats and a couple toys and blankets to donate to the cats at my volunteer job too.

Headed to work soon, I feel pretty good. I slept good. It’s cold today. 22 degrees Fahrenheit. Definitely glad I got that new coat with the big hood. I’m gonna be on the sales floor my whole shift today which I’m glad. It’s only a 4 hour shift today. Same thing tomorrow. Then I’m off Friday and have an appointment with my therapist Friday. And I get paid. So I’m gonna buy a few slices of pizza, a Jamaican beef patty and cheese cake at the pizza place across the street Friday morning.

My source of unhappiness is earth humans. I shouldn't care at all what they think of me. I know me, my thoughts, desires, plans. People don't know me at all.

So I ended up staying an extra hour and 45 minutes because they asked if I could. I only did the sales floor for 30 minutes then the entire rest of my shift I was cashiering. I work tomorrow, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. I think I get Monday off. I can’t remember. But I know I get Tuesday off for sure because I volunteer that day

My mental health is very good past few months, better than ever generally.

I arrived at the hotel - Not sure what to do now, got the iPhone 15 Pro Max synced up, with Z Fold 3, MacBook Pro M1, earbuds etc..

And I see on the news.. Christ.. The whole world is becoming the same.. We drove passed people -, Living in weird, strange Hillbilly houses.. Idk if there's internet - Cop cars speeding by, seems methy, poor - Like scene from GTA 5, in the semi-desert. It's been the biggest drought in since the 1860's. No snow.

DPDR is gooone.. But I am now, grateful for my life.. I will go wherever that the reality patterns take me.. Through the circle, losing my mind, body and soul along the way. Immense pain, struggling - But also bliss, ecstasy, and euphoria..

Love keeps the world together. But love is pain, when you fight against those that are "wrong", defend.. Become attached.. Revenge.. Ego, pride etc.. A bunch of people, having no idea what reality is - Believe they know, and won't let go - To the death and destruction of all beautiful things.

My mom doesn't have satellite radio in the car, no cellular data, driving through... I lied down, we were listening to w/e AM radio.. Reminds me of when we drove through the same place, and I swallowed psilacetin in the back seat while my moms ex was driving. The place has a strange energy.

My cat Maybelle isn’t doing well. I am almost 100% certain she’s dying. She stopped eating, drinking, has lost a lot of weight and just lays around all day. It happened so fast too. Like she was okay a couple weeks ago. I mean she’s always had trouble keeping weight on because she’s really old 14 years old. But she got drastically skinny over the past week and I didn’t even really notice how bad it was until yesterday because I’ve been so distracted and busy with work. She’s really really old for a cat so I knew this would come sooner rather than later but I hate it and I am just trying to make her as comfortable as possible, idk how to cope with losing her when she goes. I want to help her but I know there’s only so much that can be done (euthanasia) but I don’t have the money for that right this instant. And she doesn’t seem to be in any pain. She’s still purring a tiny bit when I pet her.

On top of that I’m also sick, I have a really bad sore throat and cough. (I tested negative for Covid) and I don’t have enough paid sick time to take off and I don’t have a day off for at least 4 or 5 more days.

I'm sorry BB..

My cat (Angel) is 15 (I didn't think that was *very* old) - She's very healthy, empathetic, sentient guardian spirit cat. She has bad anxiety (About me leaving - She *knows* when I'm going to leave/Cuz I'd be packing my bags - She is, for after all, my *trip cat*).

She goes under my covers and cuddles with me every night before I go to bed (Sometimes she falls asleep), and then (When I want to sleep), she climbs on my desk chair, and sleeps there all night (Until I wake up). I cried.. I know she's getting old.. Because it's so so sad.



She is my childhood cat. Two of my moms friends will visit every day to give her and Conan (My moms black cat) food, water, clean the litter box. I left toys, a laser etc all over the floor. They might hang out there and keep them company some days for 3 weeks.

Aww she is so beautiful! She looks so sweet. This is Maybelle. She likes to lay on my chest or arm and rest her little head on my shoulder or arm
Here’s pics of her, the second one she’s begging for pizza

- 2016 (Soon before trip).

She looks like a very loving cat

I am torn on what to do.

1. I’m sick
2. One of my cats is possibly dying
3. I have 3 days of work in a row beginning tomorrow
4. I can’t take time off work because I already called out last week because I didn’t sleep at all

So idk what to do. Just push through or what.

All this happening at once is a lot to deal with. I just want to rest, get better from being sick and spend quality time with my cats

Cats are so amazing! Idkw but when most cats see me they look way above my head and focus so intently. I know they're looking at some energy field, maybe the aura. Dogs can see as well but it's my experience cats can see spirit energy a lot better. They're like little gods in the flesh. Last week I looked out my window here and a cat was sitting there. She immediately looked way above my head, and then the tip of her tail wiggled. Lol

I sure miss my cat. She was my best friend! Very soon before she passed away she hopped on the swing with me in the backyard, for some reason I closed my eyes, next thing I know I'm seeing a clear vision of a place, but what's far more important is she gave me the feeling of what it's like to be strong and calm. I'll NEVER forget that moment. It just swept over me in such a real way. I was shocked because the strength and calmness was out of this world. I think animals have an incredible level of inner strength. And to be calm. I didn't think it was humanly possible to have such an experience. But it was something that I would soon need more than anything because soon afterwards my parents moved far away, I ended up alone, and my life became more painful than ever. For years afterwards whenever life got too painful I would remember that vision and be reminded to be strong and calm. Glad you guys posted those photos of cats. I kinda forgot her lesson. It was the best gift anyone has ever given me.

I can see Des's photos, but am still getting error boxes on Blue_Bird's.

Sent from my Nokia XR20 using Tapatalk

They show up on mine.

It’s probably because I’m not on Tapatalk

I use "Gyazo" image screenshot, and then "Copy image address", then paste it into this thing;



I figure things out lol..

But it's good that BB does it within the website (Cuz that's more anonymous).

https://mysupportforums.org/attachme...1&d=1701369513

(I think this is how BB does it? Not sure..)

My cat Maybelle died today

OMG I'm so sorry to hear that, BB!! I know it's not easy. Hang in there. Lots of eHugs!