Roll Call 202

Had a great violin lesson today. Learning a lot. Feel like I’m starting to improve some. Still have a very very long way to go but it’s a lot of fun. I’ve been practicing for an hour to an hour and a half a day.

My kitties are doing well

My bf loved his valentines gifts. I got him candy and Bach classical pieces guitar book. His valentines gifts for me are arriving this coming week. He said there’s a bunch of stuff coming so I don’t know what to expect lol

We watched Naruto tonight and played the yugioh TCG. We started playing chess yesterday. I’m still learning. It’s hard. But I do want to learn how to play good cause it is fun and I enjoy strategy games. We play on an app while we are on face time with each other.

I painted some earlier today and drew. Sat outside for half an hour and read.

Meditated this morning for 15 min. Played some videogames. Now I’m just relaxing and waiting till I’m tired enough to go to sleep.

It's ok lol ^-

I'm not okay. I have heart palps when lying down (Because of self medicating), so I did more self medicating - But I snapped back to my senses. Not looking forward to going to sleep tonight, but took 1.5 benzos (First time I did that in a long time).

I have my bag packed - I go to work in the morning, and then I go on my moms work trip (Deeper into the rockies) for 3 days, it'll be fun.

Then my dad will visit. Just hopefully my heart OCD doesn't ruin everything. But I'm using a Zen like tactic to take my mind off of it..

I talked with my psychiatrist. I'm having more symptoms of schizophreina, but I told my psychiatrist to not worry about it for now. Yesterday was a lot of anxiety (Work, and had a blood test too), had slight DPDR and almost had a panic attack.

My hobby is mainly being on the "Intellectual Dark Web" for now - I'd like to change that.. But time will pass, every day gets better. Just got to focus on my own little life, and not worry about things that I can't control.

I hope you have fun on your trip Desoxyn. That sounds amazing. I’ve never been to the Rockies. I live near the Adirondack mountains. It’s really nice up in them but I haven’t been since I was a kid. I like hiking but now I’m afraid of running into a bear so I haven’t gone hiking in several years.

Hope you feel better regarding the symptoms.

I got this app called plant nanny. You have to drink water in order to keep the water pants healthy and grow so it motivates you to drink water and track your intake

My mom has COVID so the work trip was cancelled. I tested negative, and have a lot of energy. No heart palps last night!

The suffering is over... My dad will still visit (Although he wouldn't want to catch COVID, so that'll be in a while I guess).

I gave her Tylenol 1's.. She's shivering =[

I talked a few weeks ago about how I was having trouble renewing my food stamps for this year. Last Friday I went to my county's food stamps office and talked with my caseworker, and today I got an email saying I was approved! Very happy about that, I was very stressed out about it.

My mom feels better. I have a runny nose, that's about it. All is good.

Although I had the most surreal dreams I've ever had in my life last night.

One of my bfs valentines gifts for me came today. It was a Saukura Japanese snack box. So many awesome snacks in it! The rest of the stuff he got me is arriving throughout the week, whatever it is it’s a surprise.

Mocha is still extremely shy and timid, but she does come out to eat and drink and use the litterbox, she’s a sweet girl. I love her. Her and Mustachio have been doing fine, no hissing or growling. Just sniff each other sometimes but that’s all.

I have my shift volunteering with the rescue cats tomorrow morning. Thursday I have an hour long intro appointment with my new psychiatrist. Other than that not much going on.

I got a bunch of new games. I now have every single kingdom hearts game except the offspin one which is a rhythm game which I’m getting next week. And I have the all the Halo games now, there was a bundle of the halo games for sale on the Xbox store. Masterchief collection for $9 total which is a humongous deal. So I grabbed it. I’ve been playing a lot of Disney Dreamlight Valley on my Nintendo switch. Been practicing violin and ukulele everyday. And been trying to do artwork 2-3 times a week. Been reading a lot too.

I’m doing good though. My mood is good. I’m just trying to lose some weight I’ve gained so I’m trying to push myself to take a long walk everyday. Pokémon go helps motivate me to do that.

My bf and I watch Naruto everyday before or after he gets to or back from work. On his days off we play yugioh, magic the gathering chess, or videogames , watch movies etc

I’m a lot less stressed out than when I was working. I’m going back to college in the fall.

My life is a good life =]

The dream of all dreams...

I was up for 48 hours then I slept for awhile now I’ve been up for 24 hours

I have an appointment with my new psychiatrist today. He’s an older guy from Poland according to my therapist who works in the same office. I hope the appointment is quick. It’s scheduled for an hour because it’s our first time meeting but I don’t feel like going through my entire life history , they have the notes they can read. Plus I’m exhausted and don’t even remotely feel like walking the 25 minute walk there and the 25 minute walk back on zero sleep but I can’t cancel at this point it would be too short notice. I feel like I’m about to collapse from exhaustion

Had a good appointment with my new psychiatrist. He was very thorough. So he confirmed that my diagnosis is definitely schizoaffective bipolar type like I was already diagnosed as. And he increased my Thorazine to help with the bipolar symptoms and lack of sleep and he ordered bloodwork and once we get my sleep straightened out we’re gonna look at some new medications to replace the Thorazine because that is a really old medication and there are better ones out there he said.

I guess my 2nd diagnosis was anorexia binge purge type, but that’s mostly in remission now.

So he accidentally sent out a prescription for thioridazine instead of Thorazine, thioridazine is Mellaril. So I have to wait for that to get straightened out

Mellaril isn’t even prescribed anymore it was discontinued because of its risk of sudden death and cardiac issues. Idk how it even is still in the system at CVS lol

I don't want sudden death =]

I remember I was concerned about that symptom "Sudden death" (When my psychiatrist was prescribing Concerta), he laughed - It was quite funny cuz I was like 16 thinking "Wtf?".

But yeah thioridazine is a very dangerous med.

The stress is going to kill me

I’m finally sleeping since the Thorazine was increased. And I’m feeling less impulsive.

I released all of my serotonin, had a bad time, went to sleep - Never again.

My dad will visit on Monday, so excited for that (:

I stopped the 3mg Invega pill to take every evening. I don't think I need it anymore. I didn't need 10mg of olanzepine anymore (A year ago), so it's pretty damn good.

Good morning, I slept good again. Fell asleep at 8pm and woke up; at 4:45am. Don't have much going on today. Just spending time with my bf later since he has the day off work. I spent some time listening to a Zelda podcast while I played a game this morning.

I finished the Mozart audiobook, which was really long, it was 30 hours, it was really good. I also finished an ebook I was reading. I'm almost done with another ebook.

I'm on a 15 day streak of meditating daily according to my Balance meditation app.

Since January 1st this year I've read 7 books so far. My goal is 45 books this year. Not obsessing over it. Just trying to use the tracker on goodreads as a tool to motivate myself to read more.

Been playing games. Mostly:

Story of Seasons: Friends of Mineral Town on xbox
Life is Strange on Xbox
Disney Dreamlight Valley on Nintendo Switch
Kingdom Hearts final mix on Nintendo Switch (the first Kingdom Hears game)

Story of Seasons and Disney Dreamlight are casual games I kind of can drop in and out of any time, Kingdom Hearts and Life is Strange are more story driven games that are a little more involved

I'm almost done with the first Life is Strange game, after I finish that one I still have to play:
Life is Strange: Before the Storm
Life is Stange 2
Life is Strange: True Colors

After I finish the first Kingdom Hearts game there's like 9 more Kingdom Hearts games to play after that so I'll be busy with those for awhile

I also have a subscription to Xbox Gamepass now so there are tons of cool games I can play on there too.

I reactivated my Netflix subscription, watcing the Queens Gambit with my bf. I've seen it already but he hasn't and I wanted to rewatch it anyway and he wanted to see it too so we're watching that. Still watching Naruto on hulu as well. We're on season 3 of Naruto. We're probably gonna play some of the yugioh TCG or Magic the gathering at some point today.

I've been trying to draw more, I have an art thread on game forum I'm on and I let people request drawings of what they want and I try to draw what they request. It's usually game characters, anime characters, etc it's a good challenge cause I never know what they'll ask for and a lot of times it's stuff /characters I've never drawn before.

Still keeping up with violin and ukulele, taking a couple weeks off violin lessons but will be back to taking lessons every week beginning again in March. I have some violin homework my teacher gave me in the meantime to work on which is transposing two different songs into higher and lower octaves. That's gonna be challenging. And I'm obviously gonna keep practicing in the meantime. I also am working through my music theory workbook.

I have to get bloodwork done tomorrow for my psychiatrist. They said they'll be open even though it is president's day tomorrow which is good. Basic comprehensive stuff. And checking Trileptal levels. And vitamin D in case it's low he said he can give me some vitamin D. I wouldn't doubt that it's low especially it being winter and not going out much.

Anyway, sorry for the long *** post, that's what's up with me lately

BB! You're doing great