Roll Call 202

Thanks! I'm trying

We played the yugioh TCG today and I won both rounds which was a nice change, I think I'm getting better at it the more we play. I'm also trying to learn how to play chess.

We also watched a studio Ghibli movie tonight, Kiki's Delivery Service

Now I can't sleep because my stomach hurts so I'm distracting myself with videogames and podcasts. I finished another ebook book earlier and started a new one.

I don't really care what time I wake up tomorrow, as long as I sleep I'm not being strict with myself and forcing myself up early everyday. No more 24-50 hours at a time without sleep, thanks thorazine. My doctor wants to find a AP to replace the thorazine next month at our next appointment but I'm nervous about starting a new medication. I'd be willing to go back on Invega or risperdal or maybe even seroquel.... but I don't want to try something entirely new that I have no idea how it affects me because that makes me nervous.

There's a new Invega injection that lasts for 6 months now lol

I’m starting to feel a lot better. My mind feels a lot quieter. I don’t feel like I’m being pulled in 8 million directions by thousands of thoughts ideas distractions and projects. I cleaned and decluttered my apartment today. Did laundry. Read a lot. Unsubscribed from several monthly subscriptions because they add up over time and I’m trying to recover from the financial position I put myself in due to manic symptoms and overspending.

I journaled. Meditated. Taking a couple weeks off practicing my instruments because I feel like I put too much pressure on myself sometimes and get obsessive. So I’m taking it easy the next few weeks. Doing stuff for my mental health. Taking my meds, sleeping, hygiene, spending time with my cats and my bf , volunteering, getting bloodwork done, therapy appointment, having a slow couple weeks not cluttered with endless to do lists and projects I make for myself. There’s nothing wrong with that I just go overboard sometimes and end up not having any peaceful days where I can take things slow cause I was going 100mph for a few months and my mind ends up so cluttered.

Gonna try to spend time outside everyday just drinking a coffee and reading. Take a walk some days. Just be chill.

Good. No need for anxiety Chill is much more chill - Lately I've been this way.

Life is the dream of dreams. Good that your bf = Less loneliness, and you miss your mom. I'm glad my mom is still with me.

We will go skiing tomorrow. I should read more of that book I'm reading..

Hope you have fun skiing! What book are you reading?

About to head to my volunteer shift with the rescue cats

Had a good volunteer shift. Apparently cvs filled the thiorazidine (mellaril) and I called them to ask if that was actually still prescribed because I thought it was discontinued worldwide they said yes so I called my psychiatrist to ask if he made a mistake or what because we never discussed changing from Thorazine to thiordazine so I’m very confused. I’m waiting to hear back

No skiing today but tomorrow possibly!

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Pharmacist isn't doing his/her job properly.

*There needs to be extra explanations (Such as this here)*, *And this one.. That the pharmacist should ASK your psychiatrist AGAIN/Double check (About you realizing that it could be the wrong med)* lol

Communication! Like the Morse Code... This is how you say this message in Morse Code;

.--. .... .- .-. -- .- -.-. .. ... - / .. ... -. .----. - / -.. --- .. -. --. / .... .. ... -..-. .... . .-. / .--- --- -... / .--. .-. --- .--. . .-. .-.. -.-- .-.-.- / # - .... . .-. . / -. . . -.. ... / - --- / -... . / . -..- - .-. .- / . -..- .--. .-.. .- -. .- - .. --- -. ... / -.--. ... ..- -.-. .... / .- ... / - .... .. ... / .... . .-. . -.--.- # --..-- / # .- -. -.. / - .... .. ... / --- -. . .-.-.- .-.-.- / - .... .- - / - .... . / .--. .... .- .-. -- .- -.-. .. ... - / ... .... --- ..- .-.. -.. / .- ... -.- / -.-- --- ..- .-. / .--. ... -.-- -.-. .... .. .- - .-. .. ... - / .- --. .- .. -. -..-. -.. --- ..- -... .-.. . / -.-. .... . -.-. -.- / -.--. .- -... --- ..- - / -.-- --- ..- / .-. . .- .-.. .. --.. .. -. --. / - .... .- - / .. - / -.-. --- ..- .-.. -.. / -... . / - .... . / .-- .-. --- -. --. / -- . -.. -.--.- # / .-.. --- .-.. / -.-. --- -- -- ..- -. .. -.-. .- - .. --- -. -.-.-- / .-.. .. -.- . / - .... . / -- --- .-. ... . / -.-. --- -.. . .-.-.- .-.-.- .-.-.- / - .... .. ... / .. ... / .... --- .-- / -.-- --- ..- / ... .- -.-- / - .... .. ... / -- . ... ... .- --. . / .. -. / -- --- .-. ... . / -.-. --- -.. . #

It's full of people going "-.-" (Impatient) and ".-." (Confused)

Btw I wouldn't take that med even if your psychiatrist prescribes it (But you know that, you're just trying to make sure).

Cuz he did say that he wanted you on newer antipsychotics (So mention that to the pharmacist).

Still haven’t heard anything back yet about the med, I need a refill on my Thorazine and I can’t get it until they figure this out

He was supposed to prescribe 300mg Thorazine (three 100mg tablets per day) all I have is 200mg tablets so I guess I’ll have to start cutting the meds in half to get the right dose because I don’t have my new prescription yet until they ever decide to get back to me about this mistake they made by prescribing mellaril.

I looked up patient reviews of my new psychiatrist just out of curiosity, most of the reviews were really good but one review was one star and the person wrote that he prescribed the wrong med to them accidentally and it put them in the hospital so idk if this is like a regular thing for him or what

He just called me. He said it was a mistake and he apologized for it and sent out the 300mg of Thorazine for me

I tried Irish soda bread for the first time. It’s really good.

Also tried some focaccia bread which is good too

I have some Italian sausage so I’m gonna make that to go with spaghetti in a couple days.

Another day.. Tortured, like a rat
From the way, the core of my awareness..
Enjoys the front window view
Of heaven and hell
Popping champagne, and feeling utter pain
Heart beat flutters, from love and near death
Becoming insane, after nothing is left
In the pouring rain, holding onto nothing
But my eternal soul
Fear, forever, right?
Until I unveil the cover
After I'm old, the Earth implodes
Mud and dust curve into the black hole
In my slumber, of the night..
I always feel comfort, like that

And I feel whole

I have to go to the IRS building tomorrow to confirm my identity for my tax return, because they still have my old address so I have to go there in person to straighten it out. I have an appointment there tomorrow there at 2. It's a 15 min walk to the bus stop, an hour bus ride, then a 15 minute walk to the building. Ughhhh it's gonna be a long day. But at least once this is done they can finally process my refund. I'm nervous because I never go that far from home and I always worry about getting lost or something but it should be fine. I have plenty of bus fare on my card. I have my phone so I can check the map. I just have to be calm and do it. It will probably be good for me anyway to kind of get out of my shell I keep myself in by staying in my city all the time, I never venture out far. So maybe this will give me some confidence to get out further and do more stuff

We are not to be crippled like this..

Life was meant for much more. But evil people stole from us - And the inhabitors are demons. They grow as seeds (Such as cancer cells and other illnesses) from negative thoughts - The source is the swirling cloud on the horizon. If you are to go into the depths of that cloud, unimaginable torture rips your whole body apart, burns it and you hear disturbing voices for millions of years (If you manage to get out) - The only way out, is to face your deepest shadow self. Also, the reason this is caused is because we are in a physical realm. Anything that is physical, is evil - We're meant to fly, in the ethereal realm or above the astral plane (In the heavens) - And every decision that we make, is a battle of wanting to rise higher, and reasons leading to suffering.

Now, love is important. Without, things die - More brutally, easier, faster etc. Think of the world, consumed with evil. Unbelievable. People think that the World Economic Forum is still a conspiracy. But no need to lose hope.. If I lose hope, what chance is there for the rest (Considering that I'm just an eternal hallucination)?... So I must take the first step.. I've taken steps before (When I was a child), but it was too dark.. I froze in place, complied, didn't question.. Denied the good things (As there's always angels that we ignore - They just want for us to give best grace.. And then they cry..).. The mind and everything else, it become hard and solid, like a stone - The most physical, evil.. Dense piece of matter, that humans have carried for millennia..

Anything that gets in the way of progress (In a bad state), such as dropping something on the floor, car won't start, being stuck in traffic, not being able to open a door (In a a bad mental state), is physical.. Consciousness is not physical.. It's bad mathematic equations.. It's the reason as to why highly spiritual children find math hard.. - Because everything in life is mathematical. And when you grow older, it's a decrease in less decisions being made.

And the world, in our awareness.. We are safe there (If we are mindful).. Everyone needs a holistic approach to life. And that means, light. Lighting up your brain, lighting up your life.. With variety, intensity, good frequencies, allowing the brain to relax (Within the mold - Like a geometric shape, expanding to many other levels.. All points connecting, wiring the cortexes.. The reality.. The virtual reality.. - Like an orgasmic, colourful, sugar, psychedelic, cocaine, hit).. Euphoria (Is what heaven is.. And any drug, has its karma.. We are free from nothing.. Nothing is free.. Even if there were no such thing as money, we'd still all.. Have to pay..). We'd have to work.. But most importantly, we have to give..

And that brings us to our next point.. The dopamine.. What we need to survive (In order to move physical things..) - Without dopamine, you have parkinsons.. You can't move.. And all of society, is given temptations and instant wires to plug into the brain, and stimulate themselves, unlimited pleasure - Harnessed from alien slaves in other dimensions, letting the current in the pool of water, flow from one battery to the next.. (Caused by the lightning storms of the swirling demon cloud)..

The light shines on the flowers, gives them warmth, life.. We need life. Free will, God, suicide, happiness.. It's all a choice/non-choice, given by you, to own your soul.. And continue, through the worst unimaginable hells. I can't say the most positive things.. I'd wish to.. Sometimes I'm a free spirit, but half of the time, I'm in hell.. Idk why it's like that..

Make sure you have the Uber app or lyft app downloaded and you can get home from anywhere in an emergency

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

I ended up deciding to rescheduling it but today I got the letter in the mail from the IRS that allowed me to verify my identity with them online so I shouldn't even have to go there now, so my refund should be processed in a couple days

How is everyone?

I’m spending a portion of my tax refund on a new upgraded violin. I currently have a cheap as hell $75 violin. Sound and quality pretty poor. So I’m buying one in the $400 to $500 range.

Or I might get a new laptop. Not sure. Will have to decide

This one looks nice , it has Windows 11, a 1 year free trial to Microsoft, and has 20gb ram and 1TB SSD for $489

Or I can find a place to replace my battery on my currentl laptop. Decisions decisions.