[spiritual_emergency]

<blockquote>
Quite some time ago I created a thread at a different online discussion board titled "Voices of Recovery" and had created a number of links back to it in various posts here.

For those of you who may have enjoyed it, please note that I've since shifted that thread to a separate blog. Those stories can now be found here: <a href=http://voices-of-recovery-schizophrenia.blogspot.com/>Voices of Recovery</a>.

I only just started that blog this evening but I hope to add to it over time as well as tidy it up a bit more. Meantime, please bookmark it if you enjoy it and feel free to share it with others as you see fit.

In addition, if you have a recovery story of your own that you would like to share, please do let me know.

Thank you.

[nowheretorun]

i am interested in sharing my story s_e ... but i dont know where to begin... can you prepare interview questions?

[spiritual_emergency]

<blockquote>
NW: i dont know where to begin... can you prepare interview questions?

I'm sure I could try, although I've never done that before. You shouldn't feel obligated to answer any question I might come up with, or to limit yourself to the ones I have. Feel free to toss your own questions in if I miss any good ones.

Let's see now... every story has a beginning so that's the logical place to start:<blockquote>

- When did this begin for you?

- What sort of "symptoms" were you experiencing on a physical, emotional, mental, spiritual level?

- What else was going on in your life at that time?

- Was there any link between the events in your life and the symptoms you were having/experience you were having?

- What was it like to go through that experience?

- Were you scared? sad? elated?

- Were there any spiritual or numinous aspects to your experience?

- What was the response of those around you to your experience?

- Were you hospitalized? Medicated?

- Did you find this helpful/unhelpful? Why?

- What labels were applied to your experience, either by yourself or those around you?

- How did you feel about those words?

- What happened next? Were you able to quickly return to a state of productivity, e.g., returning to school or work?

- How did you feel about your experience at this time? Confused? Ashamed? Concerned? Elated?

- Was there anything of value in your experience?

- When did you begin to "recover"?

- What factors were helpful to you at that time?

- Can you identify any breakthrough points in your recovery?

- Where did your best forms of support come from -- family members? friends? peers? professionals?

- What did you most need at that time? Did you get it?

- What role did medication or therapy play in your recovery?

- What would you recommend to other people who are reaching for recovery?

- How do you feel about your experience now? Has it changed you?

- What have you learned as a result of your experience?</blockquote>

Those are completely off the cuff and in no particular order. Feel free to answer the ones you wish to answer, to answer different questions, and to expound in whatever direction you wish to go. About the only recommendation I would make is to copy those questions into a separate document so you can hang out with them and your answers for a while because if you're anything like me, you're going to want to edit, edit and edit some more.

Anyone else who wishes to try the above exercise as a means of "voicing" their recovery is welcome to do so. You don't even have to share it if you would prefer not to.

For those who may be interested, my own definitions of recovery can be found here: Defining Recovery

[nowheretorun]

getting to work on it s_e ... the questions help alot, but i probably will ramble... i'll take the advice of cut and paste so i dont have to re-edit for the next 10 days... thanks for this opportunity s_e.. i think it will be healing and enlightening for me...

take care...

[spiritual_emergency]

<blockquote>
Gee, I'm going to try answering them myself -- in short form. Note that when I attempted to do so, I came up with a few more questions. I highlighted these in blue for those who want to add them to the original list.

When did this begin for you?
Technically, before I was born but if we were to examine the bulk of that experience it began late in 2000. Ego collapse came ten months later; a full-blown altered state came four months after that, and I was able to return to work about 14 months after my experience of "psychosis" had come to a natural conclusion. All in all, we're talking about an experience that spanned roughly 30 months. However, it's also worth noting that even when I returned to work it was only for a few days a month. I was still in an active stage of recovery even then and still consider myself to be recovering on some levels.

What sort of "symptoms" were you experiencing on a physical, emotional, mental, spiritual level?
In the first phase, (the ten month period) I was becoming increasingly unhappy, confused, frightened and felt constricted. I also felt enormously drawn to specific pieces of literature or music and began to withdraw from my normal activities -- my family noticed a personality change at this time and they didn't like it. During this time I also began to feel that somehow I was living out a myth and I didn't understand what it was all about.

The point of ego collapse was experienced as the equivalent of a death and was very disorienting and painful. The next four months were spent trying to understand and come to terms with this sense that somehow I had died and yet, managed to go on living. During the six weeks I spent in that altered state I felt as if I had fallen into a completely different world that was entirely real to me. In that world, I could still experience the things of this world such as pain or touch, but I also had no need for some of the things of this world such as food or sleep. Gods, demons, angels, helpers, bad guys, good guys -- they were all a part of that world. Meaning was everywhere.

What else was going on in your life at that time?
I've summed this up previously as "multiple losses as accompanied by trauma".

Was there any link between the events in your life and the symptoms you were having/experience you were having?
Absolutely. For example, each of the "characters" in my experience represented real life people or events that had played a role in my crisis. I wasn't aware of that at the time but I was after.

What was it like to go through that experience?
Who came up with this dumb question? lol. What I mean is, it's really difficult to try and explain that experience to someone who hasn't had a similar experience. Part of the difficulty is that it's a non-linear experience; the other difficulty is that it was multi-levelled -- I commented at one point that I was "open" on fifteen different levels and stuff was happening on all of them. But when I try to bring that experience down to this level of experience where other people are ... linear experience can't contain it.

Were you scared? sad? elated?
I was Everything.

Were there any spiritual or numinous aspects to your experience?
Yes. Very much so. These aspects had tremendous healing qualities and I think they were very necessary.

What was the response of those around you to your experience?
My immediate family was frightened, confused and angry. They didn't know what to do so they left me alone and hoped for the best.

Were you hospitalized? Medicated?
No.

Did you find this helpful/unhelpful? Why?
I consider myself fortunate in this respect. I don't think being hospitalized or medicated would have helped me.

What labels were applied to your experience, either by yourself or those around you?
Two labels were given to my experience by those who witnessed it: the first was "enlightened" the second was "schizophrenic".

How did you feel about those words?
I had no idea what those words meant or how I was supposed to "be" either of them.

What happened next? Were you able to quickly return to a state of productivity, e.g., returning to school or work?
There was a "honeymoon period" in the weeks immediately following my experience. This was then followed by a very difficult passage of many months that would probably be defined as "depression". For much of the next year, I just sat there. I think, actually, this was the worst phase for everyone involved.

How did you feel about your experience at this time? Confused? Ashamed? Concerned? Elated?
All of those things and then some. For me, personally, I felt the experience had a lot of positives but I was surrounded by people who could see only the negatives. To speak positively of my experience was akin to deriving pleasure from their pain. It was percieved as selfish and my entire experience seemed to be a demonstration of my weakness as a human being. For my part, I didn't feel I could possibly say anything in my defense so I just shut up, but I also felt very alone and isolated. At times, I wanted to return to that "other world" where I had felt understood.

Was there anything of value in your experience?
Yes. There was tremendous value in my experience.

<font color=blue>Do you think anything could have prevented your experience from happening?</font>
Possibly. My experience was marked by loss and trauma. I had lost my mother and my two best friends -- these people had been confidantes in my life. I also couldn't cry over the depth of my losses. So I couldn't talk to anyone and I couldn't cry, which also meant there was no emotional release for the feelings that were churning through me at the time. Instead, all that feeling that had nowhere to go just kept building and building and building inside of me. Then you add the trauma, while also pulling away the structure of established social roles.

What happened next was an implosion -- complete collapse of the personality structure. But yes, it's possible that if I hadn't lost those confidante relationships, and if I had been able to cry, and if all those people hadn't died, and if I hadn't felt that distorted sense of responsibility for their deaths, and if I hadn't lost that role I identified myself with, and if I hadn't been terrified, and if my family members hadn't been confused, frightened, overwhelmed and angry... perhaps then, I wouldn't have cracked up.

When did you begin to "recover"?
I always say that I began to recover when I allowed myself to enter that altered state of consciousness. That was the first thing I had to do in order to become well.

What factors were helpful to you at that time?
Kindness. Time. Space to work things out for myself. Non-coercion. As little stress as possible. In those days, even taking a shower was stressful so I stopped taking them. Doing a load of laundry was stressful, so I stopped doing it. Trying to organize myself to clean the kitchen was stressful so I stopped cleaning the kitchen.

<font color=blue>What role did hope play in your recovery?</font>
In the aftermath of that experience, the first statistics I came across in terms of recovery told me that only 10% ever recover. That was a very discouraging thought. As I continued to research what had happened to me and why, I came across other statistics -- 30%... 35%... 50%... 65%... 70%... 75%. I stopped looking at 85%.

Hope is essential to one's personal recovery. Before you can ever do anything, you have to be able to believe that it can be done. Far too many people don't get that. They are told that there is no cure which is the equivalent of telling them that they will never recover. We really need to watch our language in this area, all the more so because we might be speaking to a person who is already very open, very wounded -- they have no ego boundaries. As a result, our words are going to sink deep.


Can you identify any breakthrough points in your recovery?
On a more subtle level, the restabilization of sleep patterns. On a more obvious level, returning to work.

Where did your best forms of support come from -- family members? friends? peers? professionals?
Initially, from friends and professionals but I have to emphasize that any professional support did not come from face to face relationships, but rather, by reading the work of professionals such as John Weir Perry and Carl Jung. Later, support came from peers. In terms of my family, I think they have really tried to understand but they don't. However, they were immensely relieved to see me moving into and through various stages of recovery. My experience was a very difficult one for them.

What did you most need at that time? Did you get it?
What I most needed was for my family to forgive me for having fallen apart but they had to work through their own responses before they could begin to understand, accept and support my experience. In the aftermath, I also had to do a lot of work to restore my relationships with them. These days, it feels pretty good between us. I think we've all moved into recovery. They still don't like to talk about it though. It still brings up some painful and difficult feelings for them.

What role did medication or therapy play in your recovery?
Medication didn't; informal therapy did. As noted, that therapy came in the form of therapeutic relationships with friends and books.

What would you recommend to other people who are reaching for recovery?
To find other people who have recovered and learn everything you can about recovery from them. Also, to educate yourself. Don't rely on other people to provide you with your answers. What works for you may not work for someone else; what works for someone else may not work for you. Nonetheless, people who have recovered are in the place you want to be. You can learn much from them but that doesn't mean you have to adopt everything they do or say. Adapt their insights to who you are and what you need.

How do you feel about your experience now? Has it changed you?
I'm grateful for that experience. I think I've been to places that remarkably few human beings have ever gone. However, there are also times when I've wished that it had never happened. I had been happy before that experience; I had trust before that experience. Reclaiming these basic human elements that bring meaning to life has been a difficult process. Having seen other forms of reality I'm not so sure that I'll ever again be able to entirely trust this one.

What have you learned as a result of your experience?
Oh, I've learned a lot. A lot about people, a lot about myself, a lot about the world, the universe, and various levels of reality. More to the point, I'm not finished learning.

<hr width=100% size=2>

There. Those are my (short) answers at this time. Your mileage may vary.

[nowheretorun]

ok s_e... thanks for taking lead... it'll take me a few days to respond.. i want to take my time and answer as complete as i can but not overly long either...

i can relate to alot... its been my experience that it takes a fierce will to get through this, but you've come out the other side... i like to think i have also... i can think of a few indicators off hand, but i'll save it for the response section...

Kudos to you... i know its a beast... thanks for this post and sharing... this is great!

ive felt so isolated all these years... finally, one other! ... gave up on that dream awhile back.. forgot about it altogether... just to have one other who could relate...

that in itself is a chunk of healing...

[iamtwilight]

Thanks for sharing this.

It makes me think I'm going to pull through, and I look forward to the day when I'll feel like a human again and I'll be able to share my story.

[spiritual_emergency]

<blockquote>
Katie_Kaboom: I look forward to the day when I'll feel like a human again and I'll be able to share my story.

Me too. And it is important to know that other people have been where you are now, or at least somewhere similar, and they can get through it. There's no point in pretending it's easy, because it's not. But it can be done.

Recovery means different things to different people -- it must be self-defined. For most people, recovery means some equivalent of "normalcy". People who self-identify as recovered are people who are engaged in productive activity that is meaningful to themselves or others, such as work or school. They are either living on their own or contentedly with others. They have a network of personal and social relationships that are, themselves, relatively stable and healthy. They are either symptom free or whatever symptoms remain are no longer distressing.

Some recovery models state that in order to be considered fully recovered you have to be med-free. I don't agree with that stance because I've spoken with plenty of people who self-identify as recovered even if they still take medication. Being med-free is not the equivalent of being recovered. Being recovered is when you have resumed a place in larger society that brings you a sense of meaning, purpose and value.

Recovery for me means that I feel like I am back in the world and can communicate with people good and I can be a part of society and accomplish things. It also means that I am going the same speed as everyone else, right now it seems like I am in slow motion and everyone else is speeding ahead of me and the years are going by so fast. I know I am young Im only 19 but the last 4 years have went by so fast and I have nothing to show for it at all. One of the things i have noticed is that Ive never felt good except for a very short time. Even before I went through the real bad depression, the anxiety, and the psychosis that Im going through now I was still not a happy person.

In my younger days I was mad a lot and stressed out. I dont come from a good environment either. If I am to recover I will be almost an entirely different person. I will still be me but I will do everything differently. Sometimes I have thought of moving far away and starting over all the way with people who dont know who I am. I just want to be in a mood where Im ready for whatever the world might bring me that day and take it 1 day at a time. I am nowhere near that right now but I still have some hope left.

[nowheretorun]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Let's see now... every story has a beginning so that's the logical place to start:

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

- When did this begin for you?

Just before the age of 15, almost 30 years ago..

- What sort of "symptoms" were you experiencing on a physical, emotional, mental, spiritual level?

Spiritually disconnected, uncertain what to believe; emotionally exhausted having experienced successive deep loss; mentally I was in a state of despair, experiencing an absence of association and missed chances… feelings of futility and defeat; I’d had two experiences of emotional disturbance expressed in convulsions.

- What else was going on in your life at that time?

Moms’ accident still shaped home life on her side, dad had just disinvited me to his home for all eternity because I wanted to live with mom awhile, id changed from a rural area to a moderate size college town environment, I’d recently joined a different social group, more ‘hip’, and the girl I was in love with just wanted to be friends. Ive identified the tipping point as the moment I was ordered to return living with my dad (who’d just said I had no home there).

- Was there any link between the events in your life and the symptoms you were having/experience you were having?

I was in a downward cycle and I knew it at the time. I reached out but didn’t find what I needed to hold onto and the ‘fall’ occurred. Everything that was happening was related to my symptoms.

- What was it like to go through that experience? Were you scared, sad, elated?

The majority of my time was spent in confusion about what was happening to me. I tried to connect defining words to explain to others how it felt but didn’t have the ability to construct the words correctly. A lot of frustration, fear, anger, hopelessness, anxiety… blankness…

- Were there any spiritual or numinous aspects to your experience?

At first there were few if any spiritual connections… I think I wondered why this had happened and when the answers didn’t appear, I then asked God for a reason. Later, after the second incident of ego collapse, God, archetypes, mandalas, Eastern rituals, shamanism, magic, myth, legend, theatre, time, visions, images, meditions and more all became matters of interest. My grandmother kept some Mayan literature nearby, a book about self-hypnosis, the Power of Positive thinking… I read about Zen and imagined who Jesus was and relived the stories of Buddha in books and movies… I learned about the dark side… none of the information saved me. But I was drawn to it again and again, in 2000 I had epiphany and changed all course. I took a journey with no certain destination. Just following my heart and will and learning to trust guiding spirits I believed I could ‘sense’.

- What was the response of those around you to your experience?

Interest, curiosity, concern, apathy, hesitation, confusion… no one felt a need to slap me into reality, but I kinda wondered about it a bit.

- Were you hospitalized? Medicated?

I was prescribed Zoloft for a period in 2001 and again in 2005. Ive never been hospitalized for mental causes.

- Did you find this helpful/unhelpful? Why?

I believed the meds were helping because some of the confusion lifted, I could laugh again. It didn’t feel genuine 100% but it was closer; my fears diminished; I was enjoying again. I was separated from meds on a few occasions and stopped taking them finally altogether in 2005.

- What labels were applied to your experience, either by yourself or those around you?

Crazy, depressed, alcoholic.

- How did you feel about those words?

I disagree with one label strongly. I accept one. The third boils down to a point of view. I think we are all growing and different descriptions may fit us at different times. I didn’t appreciate having the label I disagreed with firmly attached as it was and all treatment directed at a mis-identified label.

- What happened next? Were you able to quickly return to a state of productivity, e.g., returning to school or work?

I have compromised with my illness to find balance and peace that includes time for a variety of interests. So, no, I don’t work a typical 40 hour week and, have considered that doing so may negatively affect my recovery. I sufficiently provide for myself and important others.

- Was there anything of value in your experience?

Absolutely. Ive learned to feel a completeness about my life and its meanng.

- When did you begin to "recover"?

This one is hard. I began to recover when I was once again capable of effective communication. That’s taken many years.

- What factors were helpful to you at that time?

Having hope. Giving up my own sense of control in matters. Releasing the weight to succeed and letting Spirit guide. Learning to respond to natural instincts. Helpful others who supported synchronistically with my ability to comprehend. Friends, who cared at the right time. Faith, Trust, Hope, Dreams, Desire, Imagination.

- Can you identify any breakthrough points in your recovery?

Transcendentalism has been very helpful.

- Where did your best forms of support come from -- family members? friends? peers? professionals?

All of the above. my struggles involved the same groups. Helpful people appeared at the times i needed them.

- What did you most need at that time? Did you get it?

Friendship. I didn’t feel worthy of friendship.

- What role did medication or therapy play in your recovery?

I self-catharsized. the zoloft seemed to help in some ways, like returning my 'voice' ...

- What would you recommend to other people who are reaching for recovery?

A good guide.

- How do you feel about your experience now? Has it changed you?

Yes, I am definitely changed for the better.

- What have you learned as a result of your experience?

Ive learned that ultimately, I have meaning and value as an individual. Ive learned to assign value to myself and others and to feel the fullness of love. Ive drawn closer to my understanding of God Spirit in my everyday life as a source of joy and learning.

[spiritual_emergency]

<blockquote>
:-) I really enjoyed reading your story, as well as hearing from both Katie and Pennkid, who are at a different place in their journey but hopefully, on their own way.

I sincerely hope others will chime into this thread, even if they haven't yet reached their "final destination".

Music of the Hour:

I love that video because even though the guy is dancing with crutches, he blows away those of us who have never, ever needed them.

[spiritual_emergency]

<blockquote>

<center><font color=midnightblue>I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings

The free bird leaps
on the back of the win
and floats downstream
till the current ends
and dips his wings
in the orange sun rays
and dares to claim
the sky.

But a bird that stalks
down his narrow cage
can seldom see through
his bars of rage
his wings are clipped and
his feet are tied
so he opens his throat
to sing.

The caged bird sings
with fearful trill
of the things unknown
but longed for still
and his tune is heard
on the distant hill
for the caged bird sings
of freedom

The free bird thinks
of another breeze
and the trade winds soft
through the sighing trees
and the fat worms waiting
on a dawn-bright lawn
and he names the sky
his own.

But a caged bird stands
on the grave of dreams
his shadow shouts
on a nightmare scream
his wings are clipped
and his feet are tied
so he opens his throat
to sing

The caged bird sings
with a fearful trill
of things unknown
but longed for still
and his tune is heard
on the distant hill
for the caged bird sings
of freedom.

~ Maya Angelou ~</font>[/b]</center>

Music of the Hour:

[nowheretorun]

ive cried tears of relief this morning s_e ... thanks for this healing step...

i hope others will follow and break out of the cage...

[nowheretorun]

afterthoughts:

i didnt mention the influence of music... with music and spirituality combined, i was able to envision and experience what for me, were the clearest feelings of spiritual and individual freedom within a responsible framework..

also, for influential people, it took the many years of my experiences, guides appearing on time, when towards the end i had 'ascended' to a level of understanding about myself and finally i was at the place in mind to accept... the 'guide' 'appeared', holding what seemed to me to be the remaining 'keys' to my personal cage...

a wonderful guy...

the journey is life...

[spiritual_emergency]

<blockquote>
NW: i hope others will follow and break out of the cage...

I suspect that "the cage" represents different things to each of us and perhaps, more than one thing. In the context of this dialogue, "the cage" was an expectation that I would never get better. If I had listened to those expectations, I don't think I'd be where I am now. Like you, I had many keys that helped open that cage that frequently came in the form of other people.

Meantime, I added yet another "voice" to my new blog tonight: Steve Morgan: Recovery & NAMI

[nowheretorun]

i'm aware of NAMI's existence yet i havent involved myself...

not certain where i stand about it all at this point...

i should say, a lot of my recovery is still fairly fresh..

i agree with the view that 'the cage' is individual, like each persons symptoms, perceptions, experience, answers...

[pachyderm]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
spiritual_emergency said:
<blockquote>
Meantime, I added yet another "voice" to my new blog tonight: Steve Morgan: Recovery &amp; NAMI


</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I find that quite interesting. It expresses a lot of things about the point of view that NAMI espouses that I have thought over the years too. Their viewpoint has been quite limited.

One quote from the article:

When I believed that a chemical imbalance drove my everyday experience, I told myself, "I am Bipolar." When I learned that the chemical imbalance was only a part of me, I told other people, "I have Bipolar." When I discovered that a chemical imbalance has nothing to do with me, I realized, "I am Human."

I find that Steve Morgan has expressed his views on NAMI and "mental illness" in general in a much more coherent way than I have been able to!

[nowheretorun]

pachy said:

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I find that Steve Morgan has expressed his views on NAMI and "mental illness" in general in a much more coherent way than I have been able to!

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

coherency has been an issue for me as well... could it be because the issues we try to grapple with are so large to us?

constantly being in a state of learning puts me in a place with new terms, new (to me) ideas... until i know these ideas and thoughts better, expression is a challenge...

[spiritual_emergency]

<blockquote>
I shared this with someone here the other day and they enjoyed it. I thought others might as well. The following excerpt is from an article by David Lukoff.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>

Phase 1: Telling the Story of the Experience

Psychotherapy can be seen as a process of helping clients construct a new narrative, a fresh story of their lives. Psychotherapy does not consist in the cathartic healing effect of releasing traumatic repressed events and their emotions, but in reconstructing a person's authentic story.

People who have had spiritual emergencies often do not receive validation for their experiences, or even the opportunity to talk about them. In the three case studies I have researched and published (Case Library), the hospital records did not mention any of the spiritual content present in these patients' episodes. The inpatient chart notes simply described them as delusional, having religious hallucinations, being preoccupied with space aliens, and making claims of having special powers. That information alone was sufficient to make the diagnosis of a psychotic disorder. In the medical model, further exploration of person's experiences would be unnecessary and could even exacerbate symptoms by reinforcing his/her "delusional system." Yet all three reported that working with me to put their story into writing was very helpful to them.

The conventional practice of discounting the meaning of spiriutal emergencies is not therapeutically productive. The spiritual emergency itself isolates the individual from others. Then the subsequent devaluation and condemnation of the experience as "only the product of a diseased mind" results in further isolation, just when the person needs to reconnect to the social world. Thus, speaking one's story, putting the experience into words, is usually the first step in developing a life-affirming personal mythology that integrates the spiritual dimensions of the crisis.

Read more here: Spiritual Interventions in Psychotherapy


</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

[spiritual_emergency]

<blockquote>
For those who are interested, two new voices added...
[*] Peter Sarrio: My Life & Music
[*] John Cadigan: People Say I'm Crazy...

[nowheretorun]

yes s_e ... ive been keeping up with this thread... thank you

[spiritual_emergency]

<blockquote>
This fits nicely here. I'm sorry to know that your laptop won't co-operate with the music NW for you'd surely enjoy this one. In lieu of the music, I'll share the words...

<center><font color=191976>~*~

If it be your will
That I speak no more
And my voice be still
As it was before
I will speak no more
I shall abide until
I am spoken for
If it be your will

If it be your will
That there is a voice
From this broken hill
I will sing to you
From this broken hill
All your praises they shall ring
If it be your will
To let me sing

From this broken hill
All your praises they shall ring
If it be your will
To let me sing

... the heart of the sounds
are just the response to
what struck me as genuine
whatever that curious emanation
from a being, or an object, or a situation, or a landscape

That had a very powerful effect on me
as it does on everyone
and I prayed to have some response
to the things that were so clearly beautiful to me
and there were a lot...

If it be your will
If there is a choice
Let the rivers fill
Let the hills rejoice
Let your mercy spill
On all these burning hearts in hell
If it be your will
To make us well

And draw us near
And bind us tight
All your children here
In their rags of light
In our rags of light
All dressed to kill
And end this night
If it be your will

Leonard Cohen

Music of the Hour:

</center></font>

[Items shown in italics are a voiceover from Leonard Cohen.]

[nowheretorun]

very very good thoughts, words... ive enjoyed reading that very much s_e ... wow! you remembered the laptops probs! haha! that was a while back! ... i can play the music on this new used laptop now... just need it to load, takes a few extra mins....

i hope you continue with your work s_e... it is something needed so bad, imo....

[longnow]

Hello

My experience comes close to yours. How did you recover sleep
patterns? I still get some voices but only when I am spooked
by a noise or person. I've been clear of big drama for a little
over a year.

[spiritual_emergency]

<blockquote>
longnow: How did you recover sleep
patterns?

I just let it happen as it happened. It probably took 2-3 years to stabilize. While it did that, it was a bit all over the place with bouts of heavy sleeping interspersed with insomnia. During the stages I was having a lot of insomnia I was also still having a lot of nightmares. I suspect the two were related.

I didn't use any sleeping aids, although in hindsight I think it would have been beneficial to have exercised regularly in some fashion, even if it was just walking for an hour. Having a job also helped because it imposed a schedule upon me. However, there were also days when I'd be at work having only had 2 or 3 hours sleep the night before.

I still get some voices but only when I am spooked
by a noise or person.

Do you identify trauma as having played a role in your experience?