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  #1  
Old Mar 24, 2013, 05:54 AM
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I got my bachelor's degree nearly 5 years ago. I did a year of post-bac work for a master's program, which i did full time then part time for 3 years before officially calling it quits. I almost immediately (after a summer working) went into a new grad program (different field) with a full fellowship. Now, here I am 7 months later and I'm incredibly miserable. i hate it here so much and I don't care about what I'm studying anymore. I want to make a difference in someone's life, not study random little things, read long boring articles, and write my own stupid papers.

But I did about 75-80% of my last grad program with above a 3.7 GPA and I'm about halfway through this one with above a 3.8 GPA (I'd actually have just 2 classes and my thesis for all of the next school year). I feel like I should just push through, get my degree, and get out, especially since I'm doing quite well. It's been a major goal of mine for years to get a master's degree, but I clearly haven't figured out what field that should be in 'cause it's not this one.

If I quit, how could I get a job or even go back to school down the line (when I figure a specific career I want, not just this humanities crap) when I keep quitting. In fact, even for my BA, I spent my entire first year in a completely unrelated major before switching and getting my degree in something else. Now I'm 1000 miles from family and even further from friends in my 1st grad school city, so i don't even really have support here. I started seeing a therapist last month and recently started meds again, but I'm depressed everywhere I live regardless of grad school experiences. Help!?

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  #2  
Old Mar 24, 2013, 08:47 AM
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I switched my major in college, in my senior year, and got a BA in another subject, with more credits in the first subject :-) I did continuing education off and on for the next 30 years until I realized that I really wanted a degree in my first subject, that I had abandoned; I was better at school and studying and knowing what I wanted, etc. so I went back and got a 4.0, etc. and a degree in that subject. I then went on to grad school, decided it was not something I wanted and quit that and am working with my beloved first subject now.

If it is what you want to do, it is never too late to go back and/or do it. If it is not what you want to do, don't do it! To me, it is not worth the money and substantive effort to end up with a degree in a subject I don't care about, just so I could say, "Well I didn't quit!" I quit plenty in those 30 years I was learning and growing, started that renewed second degree with a 1.7 GPA (because I'd just drop out of a course without withdrawing so get an "F") but ended up with a respectable 3.2 (not that anyone cares what one's GPA was 30-40 years out of college :-)

My first BA was in a humanistic subject, not great for the job market which, in the early 1970's was very much like this one is now. 1973-75 recession - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

I survived and eventually thrived. I would counsel, go out, get a job, figure out how the working world works and try some different stuff until you figure out what you want and how to go about moving toward getting it.
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Thanks for this!
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  #3  
Old Mar 24, 2013, 11:07 AM
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Thank you so much Perna. People keep telling me it's okay to quit (for the most part), but I'm the one who's holding myself back. I think it really helped to have a conversation with someone yesterday where the person pointed out that I was pushing back and delaying my happiness for later instead of doing something that brings me joy now.
  #4  
Old Mar 24, 2013, 09:01 PM
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Of course, depending on what you want to do, a graduate degree might or not might matter. I knew I needed an advanced degree for what I wanted to do. I agree that such courses can involve a lot of tedium, but do consider what the future might be like. But, no, I wouldn't say you'd be a "failure" for dropping out two times.
Thanks for this!
rainboots87
  #5  
Old Mar 24, 2013, 09:29 PM
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H3rmit H3rmit is offline
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>I feel like I should just push through, get my degree, and get out, especially since I'm doing quite well.I feel like I should just push through, get my degree, and get out, especially since I'm doing quite well.

And also because you got a full fellowship. You owe it to the sponsoring agency and to yourself to just finish it. It's only a bit longer. My view on it. My first degree was also pointless to me - but finishing it allowed me to do something that I wouldn't have been able to do otherwise. Kept me well above the gutter, even though it was in no way my ideal or a dream.
Thanks for this!
rainboots87
  #6  
Old Mar 25, 2013, 12:19 AM
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rainboots87 rainboots87 is offline
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Originally Posted by H3rmit View Post
>I feel like I should just push through, get my degree, and get out, especially since I'm doing quite well.I feel like I should just push through, get my degree, and get out, especially since I'm doing quite well.

And also because you got a full fellowship. You owe it to the sponsoring agency and to yourself to just finish it. It's only a bit longer. My view on it. My first degree was also pointless to me - but finishing it allowed me to do something that I wouldn't have been able to do otherwise. Kept me well above the gutter, even though it was in no way my ideal or a dream.
Well the fellowship is just from my department this year. I may not get a fellowship next year and might have to teach or research instead on top of finishing up. By leaving, I would actually allow someone else to get that money so they can make progress without having to work and take classes simultaneously.
  #7  
Old Mar 25, 2013, 12:39 AM
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rainboots87 rainboots87 is offline
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Originally Posted by PAYNE1 View Post
Of course, depending on what you want to do, a graduate degree might or not might matter. I knew I needed an advanced degree for what I wanted to do. I agree that such courses can involve a lot of tedium, but do consider what the future might be like. But, no, I wouldn't say you'd be a "failure" for dropping out two times.
I originally started the program (MA+PhD) to go into academia because I thought I'd be good at it. I'm doing well, but I hate it. Instead, I will likely start off teaching elementary school or something similar so a master's is not necessary. I have my BA and tons of experience with kids with all sorts of issues, so I could already be working in that field without this degree. My first grad program was for a specific career path, but long story short I won't be able to do it. I kinda went into this second grad program because I thought I should and tried to convince myself it was a good idea. I had what I call my quarter life crisis last spring and freaked out about moving for this program & nearly didn't come. I wish I had listened to my gut. When I described all of my feelings about it to my therapist at the time, she seemed surprised that my decision was to go anyway when everything pointed to the fact that I really didn't want to go.

edited to specify that I started off to go all the way to the PhD, but quickly decided to stop at the MA. So it's the MA I'm maybe halfway through.

Last edited by rainboots87; Mar 25, 2013 at 12:55 AM.
  #8  
Old Mar 25, 2013, 01:12 AM
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H3rmit H3rmit is offline
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Originally Posted by rainboots87 View Post
Well the fellowship is just from my department this year. I may not get a fellowship next year and might have to teach or research instead on top of finishing up. By leaving, I would actually allow someone else to get that money so they can make progress without having to work and take classes simultaneously.
Only you know all the pros and cons of the situation. My bias is always to finish things - and quit only if it feels really right. I don't think it makes you a loser of course, and that's what you really asked at the beginning. Some degrees are always valuable, and some are rarely valuable. Again, only you know this field of study in your case.
Thanks for this!
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  #9  
Old Mar 25, 2013, 03:51 AM
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Originally Posted by H3rmit View Post
Only you know all the pros and cons of the situation. My bias is always to finish things - and quit only if it feels really right. I don't think it makes you a loser of course, and that's what you really asked at the beginning. Some degrees are always valuable, and some are rarely valuable. Again, only you know this field of study in your case.
Thanks. I actually hate quitting anything and usually just push myself too hard until I break. It took a lot of strength to leave my last program, but it felt right. I think my problem was jumping right into this program when it didn't feel right either. It seemed practical, sensible, a good opportunity, but not what I wanted. A PhD in this field is great for academia (discovered I don't like it), and a master's in the field is good if you wanna say "hey, I have a master's degree!" but not for anything specific or even necessarily better than without it. Plus living away from all my friends and family has been awful for my depression and anxiety, so I'd at least like to be near them while I sort myself out. Much like last year during my freakout, I know what decision I want to make, but this time I think I'll actually make it. It's scary and humbling though.
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  #10  
Old Mar 25, 2013, 12:52 PM
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I know some schools have historically paid teachers more if they have their master's! Something to consider......
Thanks for this!
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  #11  
Old Mar 27, 2013, 11:17 PM
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Originally Posted by rainboots87 View Post
I got my bachelor's degree nearly 5 years ago. I did a year of post-bac work for a master's program, which i did full time then part time for 3 years before officially calling it quits. I almost immediately (after a summer working) went into a new grad program (different field) with a full fellowship. Now, here I am 7 months later and I'm incredibly miserable. i hate it here so much and I don't care about what I'm studying anymore. I want to make a difference in someone's life, not study random little things, read long boring articles, and write my own stupid papers.

But I did about 75-80% of my last grad program with above a 3.7 GPA and I'm about halfway through this one with above a 3.8 GPA (I'd actually have just 2 classes and my thesis for all of the next school year). I feel like I should just push through, get my degree, and get out, especially since I'm doing quite well. It's been a major goal of mine for years to get a master's degree, but I clearly haven't figured out what field that should be in 'cause it's not this one.

If I quit, how could I get a job or even go back to school down the line (when I figure a specific career I want, not just this humanities crap) when I keep quitting. In fact, even for my BA, I spent my entire first year in a completely unrelated major before switching and getting my degree in something else. Now I'm 1000 miles from family and even further from friends in my 1st grad school city, so i don't even really have support here. I started seeing a therapist last month and recently started meds again, but I'm depressed everywhere I live regardless of grad school experiences. Help!?
I can totally relate to your situation because guess what, I nearly did the same thing. The first masters program I completed 2 years of required coursework but my student teaching component was stymied by my advisor who was, for lack of a better word, a horses behind, in that he refused to sign-off on the form that would have allowed me to student teach. He was mad at me for going to administration to complain about him, so he refused to sign. The academic dean of my program told me I would regret leaving before she made her decision. Well, hindsight is 20/20. I do regret it because I spent these past 3 years in the same masters program at a different university, hoping for a different outcome. Well I'll graduate with a masters degree finally but after wasting 3 extra years repeating the same coursework. Pretty dumb.

Don't quit your post-doc program if you're only 2 classes and your thesis. Yes, you're miserable because you are burnt out. Post-doc work is not a fun existence which is why most people either drop out early. At least you were smart enough the second time to do a completely different subject, which isn't what I did. You will feel so much better about yourself if you see this grad program through to the end.

I know it's hard to be away from your family and friends who are your support system too. Maybe you could take a semester off to go back home for 3 months. Spend that time with your family and friends who (if you have good relationships with them) will act as a temporary respite away from the stress of grad school. Or if that's not possible for you financially, then try to include some exercise time into your schedule. Whatever it may be. 5 minutes of walking each day, or whatever. Physical activity raises the body's Dopamine levels which improves the mood.
Thanks for this!
rainboots87
  #12  
Old Mar 28, 2013, 03:06 AM
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Perna Perna is offline
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discovered I don't like it
That's the entire purpose of first-hand experience! You couldn't know until you tried; you tried and it ain't you. Go do something that feels more you.
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Thanks for this!
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  #13  
Old Mar 28, 2013, 05:28 AM
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rainboots87 rainboots87 is offline
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Originally Posted by ClearSky View Post
I can totally relate to your situation because guess what, I nearly did the same thing. The first masters program I completed 2 years of required coursework but my student teaching component was stymied by my advisor who was, for lack of a better word, a horses behind, in that he refused to sign-off on the form that would have allowed me to student teach. He was mad at me for going to administration to complain about him, so he refused to sign. The academic dean of my program told me I would regret leaving before she made her decision. Well, hindsight is 20/20. I do regret it because I spent these past 3 years in the same masters program at a different university, hoping for a different outcome. Well I'll graduate with a masters degree finally but after wasting 3 extra years repeating the same coursework. Pretty dumb.

Don't quit your post-doc program if you're only 2 classes and your thesis. Yes, you're miserable because you are burnt out. Post-doc work is not a fun existence which is why most people either drop out early. At least you were smart enough the second time to do a completely different subject, which isn't what I did. You will feel so much better about yourself if you see this grad program through to the end.

I know it's hard to be away from your family and friends who are your support system too. Maybe you could take a semester off to go back home for 3 months. Spend that time with your family and friends who (if you have good relationships with them) will act as a temporary respite away from the stress of grad school. Or if that's not possible for you financially, then try to include some exercise time into your schedule. Whatever it may be. 5 minutes of walking each day, or whatever. Physical activity raises the body's Dopamine levels which improves the mood.
Thanks. To clarify, it's not a post-doc, I only have a bachelor's degree. I am in a PhD program, which has the option of getting a MA. I did switch to a different program, though it was somewhat related to my previous one. Actually, I was just sick for a few weeks (still am a little) and managed to get so far behind in my current classes, that I will have to drop one, maybe two of them. So that adds to the work I would have for next year. Also, I'm already active with regular yoga classes and sometimes running (it's been too cold to run outside lately).

When I first posted, i was an emotional, anxious mess. But since then I've decided to take a leave of absence from my program and feel so much calmer. I could come back after a semester, but I really doubt I will. I just don't care about what I'm studying- it's great for people who want to go into academia, but I've learned that I do not. I want to help people. I thought about pushing through just for that degree, but why delay doing what I want to do and find fulfilling for over a year? The degree will probably not help me get any more money.
  #14  
Old Mar 28, 2013, 05:31 AM
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Originally Posted by PAYNE1 View Post
I know some schools have historically paid teachers more if they have their master's! Something to consider......
I know, which is part of why I thought I'd stick it out. But, at the same time, the master's degree salary benefit tends to require a master's in education OR in the field you are teaching (e.g., math, science, a foreign language). This degree wouldn't fall into either category. So it's not a guarantee. Plus, I don't really want to be a teacher exactly, it's just a possibility. I know I like working with kids, but I'm not sure how I want to do that yet.
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Old Mar 28, 2013, 05:32 AM
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That's the entire purpose of first-hand experience! You couldn't know until you tried; you tried and it ain't you. Go do something that feels more you.
Thanks! I think that's what I'll be doing now!
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Old Mar 28, 2013, 03:34 PM
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I feel for you in this situation. I think I've basically been a student or in school most of my life. I was like you a good student, keen on keeping on, got fellowships, worked hard.

However, I landed what would seem like a dream job--professor at UC Berkeley--only to find out within the very first weeks that I was absolutely miserable. I stuck with it anyway thinking that if I just reached the point where I could switch to a better department it would work out. It didn't. I resigned after much agony. I was also having lots of surgeries and the department was not supportive. But the real issue for me is that I didn't see how I was using my talents or values to actually help anyone. And perhaps it was just my own unique situation but I felt like the academic life at least where I was and my department was so very intellectual that no one really had hearts or souls or values that meant something.

I went back to school after a break for writing, to start a new career. I've switched programs a few times, mostly due to medical things, but recently I found myself in a situation where I really hated what I was doing, even used the word "submitted" to describe what the program was doing to me, which as a rape victim is a really bad sign.

Still because I was doing well and felt that I couldn't switch again, I stayed with it. The whole rest of me was rebelling against it and I should have really listened to that strong voice within. It ended up quite badly. The details aren't important, but I wish now that I had really listened to myself and not been so attached to my status as a good student or what others thought, and just quietly exited, even if this meant yet another school and program.

I have since found places a little less formal that accept people who have moved around a bit or switched focus or had other things come up. It really isn't terrible at all. In fact people like the underdog and like come-back stories, and it's not unusual for people to try a variety of things, including programs, before they settle into something.
Hugs from:
rainboots87
Thanks for this!
rainboots87
  #17  
Old Mar 28, 2013, 04:29 PM
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Originally Posted by iota View Post
I feel for you in this situation. I think I've basically been a student or in school most of my life. I was like you a good student, keen on keeping on, got fellowships, worked hard.

However, I landed what would seem like a dream job--professor at UC Berkeley--only to find out within the very first weeks that I was absolutely miserable. I stuck with it anyway thinking that if I just reached the point where I could switch to a better department it would work out. It didn't. I resigned after much agony. I was also having lots of surgeries and the department was not supportive. But the real issue for me is that I didn't see how I was using my talents or values to actually help anyone. And perhaps it was just my own unique situation but I felt like the academic life at least where I was and my department was so very intellectual that no one really had hearts or souls or values that meant something.

I went back to school after a break for writing, to start a new career. I've switched programs a few times, mostly due to medical things, but recently I found myself in a situation where I really hated what I was doing, even used the word "submitted" to describe what the program was doing to me, which as a rape victim is a really bad sign.

Still because I was doing well and felt that I couldn't switch again, I stayed with it. The whole rest of me was rebelling against it and I should have really listened to that strong voice within. It ended up quite badly. The details aren't important, but I wish now that I had really listened to myself and not been so attached to my status as a good student or what others thought, and just quietly exited, even if this meant yet another school and program.

I have since found places a little less formal that accept people who have moved around a bit or switched focus or had other things come up. It really isn't terrible at all. In fact people like the underdog and like come-back stories, and it's not unusual for people to try a variety of things, including programs, before they settle into something.
Thanks so much for sharing your situation and I hope you find something that fulfills you.

Even though not eveyone is supportive of me changing around (coughmymothercough), some people really have been. And something my dad told a few months ago, before I ever told anyone I was thinking of leaving the program, was that no matter what job I end up with, I don't have to stay and be stuck with it forever. My dad and mom have done that and were miserable for years (dad finally quit a few years ago & he's near retirement age anyway, mom is still miserable at her job). Also, when I visited my old city & met with my old T, she said it's exciting to be at a place in life where I have so many opportunities. I told her I'd rather be in her position (stable career, husband, kids), but now I'm starting to see what she means. I don't have an established career or family responsibilities holding me back, I can go do whatever I want pretty much. So I'm trying to embrace that
  #18  
Old Mar 30, 2013, 06:17 AM
Tiger_Lily Tiger_Lily is offline
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I would advise finishing the semester and any fellowship you are in. Could you ask your program's dean if you could take some time off and what amount of time you would have to finish the course before your courses expired. That way you would have all the info you need. You can go back or not, but you would leave the door open.
  #19  
Old Mar 30, 2013, 04:39 PM
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I would advise finishing the semester and any fellowship you are in. Could you ask your program's dean if you could take some time off and what amount of time you would have to finish the course before your courses expired. That way you would have all the info you need. You can go back or not, but you would leave the door open.
I am finishing this semester, that's never been a question. The fellowship doesn't have any requirements really, but I'm staying in my classes because I genuinely want to complete them. I'm officially going to be taking a leave of absence after this semester, but I can say right now that I don't want to come back.
  #20  
Old Mar 31, 2013, 07:54 AM
ThirstyFish ThirstyFish is offline
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I say "suck it up and finish it"!!!! ... but then what do I know (me being here speaks for itself)
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