I actually did it..

No, you are not. You have your reasons for not going and they are complicated, but I doubt they are about other things, and not about the love you have for your grandma. She was thinking of you, and you were thinking of her, and often that is all the good-bye we get to have. Still it is precious, that holding one another in your hearts.

I am so sorry you lost your grandma I will be thinking of you. Please be kind and gentle with yourself in your grief.

Yeahh, you are right. I feel guilty about the fact that I could have went to see her, but chose to wait.

Thank you. I will do the best I can.

Back to the original subject of this thread..

I got a call from the Ozark Center earlier today, and they set me up an appointment with a therapist. It is on January 27th and 2:00 PM. I wasn't sure if I would ever hear from them. Better late than never, I suppose. I'll get on and talk about how my first appointment goes.

Hope everyone is well,
Chris

sorry about your grandmother,

Thank you, avlady. She's in a better place now.

Did you mean Feb? Good Luck!

Yeah, February. Sorry.

I had to reschedule my appointment so I could finish moving before FEMA came to inpect my trailer. New appointment is March 8th.

I've been working on little self improvement things until then. Not getting mad/wanting to give up when I mess up at work; improving my walking and sitting posture; keeping conversations from being about me.. I'm making very little progress, but it's better than no progress at all.

Chris

One more week ~ let us know how it goes!

Well..I went to my appointment today. Definitely one of the most awkward situations I have been in for a while. I didn't like it at all. I don't like talking about my problems, I prefer keeping them to myself. I was doing fine up until the appointment. It brought up memories that I haven't thought about in a long time. She says I definitely have PTSD. Not sure if she could know that from the first appointment, but it's whatever. Near the end she asked me how often I wanted to have an appointment. I figured they worked that out, and my first thought was "Once a week." That's what I said. So..my next appointment is in a week.

After all of that..I'm not in the best mood. It didn't help when the receptionist and my therapist laughed as soon as I walked out. **** them, **** therapy. I'll deal with it on my own.

Oh, and on top of all of that..I can't get my adderall that I've been taking for 3+ years. I lost the POS that the Ozark Center offers (no idea why) and I would have to pay $115 for a script of them. I've been going through withdrawals. I'm trying to cancel most of them out with my brother's adderall XR's, but they aren't the same. I only have a few lithiums left, and I'm sure that's not cheap either.

If any of you were expecting positive news, I'm sorry for disappointing you.

Hope everyone is well,
Chris

You don't have to be positive. Just be you, however you are at the moment
I'm so glad you wrote and you didn't disappoint. Are you disappointed, I wonder.

I think your appointment sounds like it was pretty anxiety-provoking. That's very understandable. First meetings, new people, the whole unknown aspect of it, is very hard. Being open is hard, talking is hard. It will get better.

The therapist and receptionist laughing I'm sure had nothing to do with you. They just wouldn't be so cruel. But it's a good thing to talk about when you see her again. All these things, all of our perceptions are important.

Can you contact the doctor who prescribed your Adderall, to see if they can help? Maybe find a way to buy them, or another medication that is cheaper that they could prescribe.
Especially contact them about the lithium, because that is a med that shouldn't be stopped suddenly. See if there is help for you that you don't know about, but they do.

I think it is positive that you went to the appointment. That's hard to do, but you did it.
What you are dealing with, with the medication is also very frustrating and very hard. I applaud you for keeping on keeping on!

I would look into your POS, Point of service plan - Wikipedia find out exactly how it works and if you can get the Adderall back if that was helping you, etc. Sounds like the person prescribing the Adderall was your POS and has retired I think you said? That would make someone else with different ideas your POS and I'd lean on them to either keep up the Adderall or give you enough to taper properly, etc. POS is not charity-related, just how some states are working; I'm on Maryland's plan but it's not POS, for example.

First therapy appointments (even first 6 weeks to 6 months) can be very tough as they're new and confusing and stir up all kinds of stuff like you found. Hang in there and they'll get like any other thing (school, work, etc.) that you have to get use to and then can start working better with. I'm glad you went and have a next appointment.

That's great you went to a T. They can be stressfull at first. the laughing, i'm sure they weren't laughing at you, the same thing happened to me on my first doctors appointment years ago, i still remember it because i got to be friends with her in the end of that session of my life. I think i had forgot my umbrella and every session she would remind me but i always left it for her, just to be funny and she understood it.

Well, I'm back. With good and bad news. Bad news first..? Alright. I didn't go to my appointment today. I slept in..accidentally on purpose. Lol. I should probably call and set up another one, but I don't know if I will. Good news..I just saved a buttload of money on my car insurance! No, that's a lie. But what I did do over the last few days was:

-Put together a 10'x10'x6' dog kennel behind my house, which was somewhat stressful..but I finished it and it looks nice.

-Mounted my new 50'' hdtv to my wall (someone thought I hired someone to do it)

-Put up blinds, shears, and curtains up throughout the house

-Brought in some new furniture

-(Best for last) I ordered myself an electronic drum set, a drum throne, and some double kick pedals. I ordered them tonight, and they should be here within 7-10 business days. I've been wanting to start drumming for years, and I'll finally have a set.

That's about it. You could say that my mood has been above average for the last few days. I'm not trying to brag in any way (I'm not sure if it sounded like I was).

ECHOES: I'm glad you weren't disappointed. Was I disappointed? That's a good question. In a way, I guess I was. You're probably right. It's the timing that makes me think otherwise. What could they have possibly said in the few seconds of me closing the door and taking a few steps away that was so funny?

I'll have to check that out. I know I shouldn't drop lithium. And I've been taking my brother's 25mg Adderall XR's once a day to get by on. Definitely not the same, but they will work for now. Thank you for your support

Perna- THANK YOU. That helped a lot. And I never knew what POS meant. Every time I heard it, I would think "Piece of ****" Lol. Yeah, she retired. Oh okay. Someone told me it was charity, so I went with that. My old RN sent a referal to another RN..still waiting to hear from him/her. They are taking their time, that's for sure.

avlady- Thanks. It was probably my paranoia getting the best of me. I'm glad it went well for you That's pretty cool. If anything, I'll look into seeing a different therapist. Something was off about this one. Not only how white she was. It looked like she rubbed powdered donuts on her face before I went in. Not to be rude. Haha.

Thanks for your replies, and I hope you're all doing well,
Chris

It can take a while to get used to going to therapy. Therapists understand that too.
If this laughter incident makes it so you can't return to this therapist, maybe consider another. A private therapist with no office staff might suit you more.

Congratulations on all your achievements!!

woo....hoo you gooooo !!!!

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