[Better_bean]

Maybe I'm a bit hard on myself. I'm not sure. I do think I need to improve in so many ways. I have to improve at work, I have to improve at home.

I have this image of who I want to be, and who I truly think I am. If I had to describe that image, it would be something like this:

"I am energetic and full of zest for life. I am passionate about my career, so every morning I wake up, spend time to make myself look good, iron my clothes and put my best foot forward. I give 110% at work, and never slack off. When I get home, I exercise, because I care about my health. My relationship is great. I am passionate and compassionate. I have time for friends and family. I am confident and excited about life."

Now, who I am today:

"I'm tired. I wake up and wish I could sleep all day long. When I finally force myself out of bed, I literally have 10 minutes to get ready to make it to work on time. I throw my hair into a messy careless bun. I pick unflattering clothes that usually aren't appropriate for a professional. I get to work and procrastinate and slack. I eat poorly through the day because I'm too exhausted to care about what I eat. When I get home, all I want to do is nothing. Usually I'm frustrated or on edge, which translates into my relationship. I look forward to bedtime, because I'm alone and sleeping.

I don't even know where to start. It's like the real me is buried deep inside, but the current me is just too lazy/tired/exhausted to bring it out. I know I have to start somewhere.....but where? How do I even begin when there's so much I need to do?

[kaliope]

so it is great that you have a picture of what you want. you have something to work toward. but it is too big to start, you are right about that. you will get overwhelmed and just give up. goals hve to be SMART to be successful. s=specific m=measurable a=attainable r=relevant t=timebound......so the things you have listed are very specific. that is good. but how would you measure your level of energy or zest for life? it is easy to measure whether you have ironed a shirt or not. I think all your goals are attainable except giving 110% at work and never slacking off...everybody slacks off at work at some time or anoter,,,lol....you have to give yourself a break...are these goals relevant to you? I would think so. and timebound...you just put a time limit on it that works for you, like exercising three days a week.

so the best thing to do is pick one of these goals. which one would be easiest? I hate ironing so I wouldn't chose that, but I think having time for friends and family might be an easy way to start. so pick three steps it will take to achieve this goal. start simple. something you know you can do. you don't want to set yourself up for failure. 1.make list of friends and family I want to make time for 2, call 2 people on list after dinner each week, say on tues and thurs, until go thru whole list and then repeat 3. choose one person from list each week to go out for coffee/dinner/movie/shopping with. write down three strengths you have that will help you be successful in completing this goal. write down three things that will sabotage you from completing this goal.

so work toward your one goal and really watch for the sabotages. if you mess up, do better the next day. once you have successfully completed this goal and made it a habit, then move on to the next goal. pick another task from your list, figure out a way to make it a smart goal, figure out the steps to reach it, your strengths and weeknesses,

[hvert]

I really identify with that post! I haven't found 'the answer' yet and am not sure that there is one. I think Kaliope has some great advice, that it's best to just pick one and start with that.

Are you getting enough sleep?

[Better_bean]

Thanks for your replies. No, I don't get enough sleep. If I do, it's disrupted.

I know I don't get enough time for myself. Someone always wants a piece of me. I'm always doing something for someone. If it's not at work, it's at home. I get away for awhile and im needed elsewhere.

Sometimes I just want some time to me!

Hi, this is a very interesting problem, despite how common it seems. Here's what I think. First, let's agree that some compromise is required. That said, we can move forward

To summarize (will delve into details below), I see the solution to your problem involving: better time management, introduction of exercise, better nutrition, better sleep, more regularity in your routine. A lot of this involves setting boundaries with the people in your life and with the activities that make up your day.

Better time management: Really just come up with 2 lists:

1 - Things you do regularly that may be non-essential. Examples (don't be offended ... this is just arbitrary):
- Facebook/Twitter and other internet browsing
- Watching TV
- Excess cell phone use (gaming, YouTube, what have you)

2 - Things that you OUGHT TO DO regularly but don't. Examples (again, don't be offended)
- Exercise (30 minutes)
- Ironing and otherwise preparing your clothes at night
- Grocery shopping and/or cooking and/or packing meals

Then, try to stop doing things from list 1 and start doing things from list 2 ! Note that removing non-essential activities from your day will give you time (perhaps time you didn't think you had) for more important things like spending more time with your friends/family, or preparing yourself for the next day, or just me time (self-care and self-soothing), which is so essential in our stressful lives.

Exercise: (Saved my life) This is the miracle drug, if used properly. Start off with baby steps. As a fitness addict and aspiring fitness trainer, I far too often see people diving into exercise routines that are too much for beginners and then quitting a week later because they just can't keep it up. Consistency is key, and train harder as you feel you are ready. Benefits (both physiological and psychological) include nothing less than:
- Improved blood flow
- Higher metabolism, which helps with your overall energy level and body composition (which translates to better looks)
- Improved mood, thanks to endorphin release
- Reduced anxiety
- Better posture (more/better musculature = better posture)
- Better sleep (helps with insomnia)

..., among many others.

Nutrition: I cannot overemphasize this. This is probably worth 80% of any successful fitness routine. High gycemic carbs (sugar, starches) will make you feel lethargic (after the initial rush), so avoid them. Eat more fruit (which also makes great snacks). Eat smaller portions more often. Lighter at night, assuming you're less active then. No hamburgers or ice cream at night ... messes with your digestion and gets stored on your seat cushion.

Sleep: Inadequate sleep is known to cause anxiety, depression, and fatigue. Do whatever it takes to get your 8 hours. Compromises, compromises ! Shut that TV or computer off so you can get your sleep. Exercising also helps you fall asleep at night.

Regularity: I don't know how best to describe it, but regularity just magically helps. It provides a sense of stability and predictability and can help ease anxiety. If you know that you're gonna go to sleep at 11, have breakfast at 7.30, lunch at noon, work out at 7 pm, etc, with the basics all planned, you can focus your energies on planning more interesting activities Of course, too much regularity = a boring life, so adjust as necessary.

Setting boundaries: "Honey, I'm sorry. Let's watch that movie over the weekend. I need my sleep, otherwise I'll be miserable tomorrow.". This can be very hard to do, but I think it's an essential part of this whole plan. Also, set boundaries with your own self. If you find yourself telling yourself, "Ah, 10 more minutes of Facebook won't hurt. I really wanna describe my trip to Portland before I go to bed.", and that 10 minutes becomes 30 minutes, then maybe you need to be stricter with your own self. Again, compromises. You lose 10 minutes of Facebook, but maybe those 10 minutes go towards planning for the next work day: ironing clothes, packing meals. And, you thank yourself for it the next day !

This sounds so cliche, I know, but try to stick with it ... it really is a great place to start.

You are the best judge of how disciplined you are, so it's ok to start with baby steps, adopt your time management lists gradually. I know that, since you're in a relationship, there will be times when you just cannot stick to your routine. "Honey, Jim called ... he and Natalie are heading to XYZ for some ABC. Let's go !". That's totally ok, as long as you feel in control of your life ... THAT is key.

I sincerely feel that, the more disciplined and organized you get with your daily life, the closer you will get to your goal as you described it.

Good luck !

[ladytiger]

I got a lot of things to improve not sure which is easy. i am still improving my communication and listening skills been doing that for a few years.

[Better_bean]

I totally spend too much time glued to my phone, either playing games or looking something up. That needs to stop, even if I'm just spending that time away from the phone doing absolutely nothing.

Definitely need to start working out. That happens on Monday. I'm not going to force myself into some crazy routine. Just start slow.

I still love having time to myself.

I really need to think things through and then I will post as to how I think I can go about this improvement.

[kapis]

Way to go Better_Bean!

Looking forward to reading the updates on your workouts! Babysteps! But not too baby... Challenge yourself to the better and real YOU!

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

Originally Posted by Better_bean

Maybe I'm a bit hard on myself. I'm not sure. I do think I need to improve in so many ways...

"I am energetic and full of zest for life. I am passionate about my career, so every morning I wake up, spend time to make myself look good, iron my clothes and put my best foot forward. I give 110% at work, and never slack off. When I get home, I exercise, because I care about my health. My relationship is great. I am passionate and compassionate. I have time for friends and family. I am confident and excited about life."

... How do I even begin when there's so much I need to do?

I am intrigued by your idea of what you should be like. Where did that come from? How many people do you know who are like that? And these people you know who seem like that, are they really so wonderful, have you checked?

I wonder if your ideals are realistic. Are they your own or are you responding to pressure from other people. Young people tend to be more influenced than necessary by media and by peer and parent pressure. It is unwise to try to live up to others expectations. How do you expect to feel once you have become this idealised person? Are there people that you trust and who know you who you can discuss this with?

We all have troubles, fall short in one way or time or another and if we compare ourselves to an idealised, unreal existence we cannot fail to unhappy.

[SmileHere]

What a great thread!
I feel like I've gotten way away from where I'd wish to be too..

Dear Bean, I seriously think you need to work on your 'ideal self' image a bit too Iron the clothes in the morning? Is this realistic? And why would you want to do that? (I am genuinely asking cause I am perplexed lol!) Isn't it better to iron the previous day or once a week or so? (I mostly wear clothes that don't need to be ironed)

Besides exercise and nutrition, fresh air is an important factor too...

[ladytiger]

I have a question for everybody. Has anyone ever used a life coach? I am thinking about talking to a life coach with a number of issues I am having. I am not sure how to approach the life coach on the issues I am having....

[growlycat]

I can relate!!!! I tell my therapist that I don't even know where to start.

[SmileHere]

Originally Posted by ladytiger

I have a question for everybody. Has anyone ever used a life coach? I am thinking about talking to a life coach with a number of issues I am having. I am not sure how to approach the life coach on the issues I am having....

ladytiger, I haven'tused a life coach but I have contemplated becoming one in the past! So I researched it a bit... You might want to find someone who has had experience with at least some of your issues, there are coaches who specialize in ADD/organizing etc.

I chose my current therapist cause she advertised herself as a coach too... And another psychologist I've seen occasionally was more like a coach too...
So this is another option, to see someone who is both a therapist and a coach... if you might need that

Honestly I've found more good ideas and help/support online or in books sometimes, but sometimes it's good to have a helpful someone at your side in RL to sympathize or such too... (most things my psychologists/coaches presented I knew already and have tried in the past, eg making a schedule etc)

[ladytiger]

True. I was thinking of seeing a life coach at the women's center but need to write down a list of issues that I want to work on. If I could solve my own issues, this wouldn't be a prob for me. I need to get to a point where I can solve my own issues before running to every person out there for help.