Dealing with Loneliness!

Here you go, a page of links to loneliness in drclay's book.

http://www.psychologicalselfhelp.org...rms=loneliness

including Dr Seligman's steps for happiness: http://www.psychologicalselfhelp.org.../chap6_19.html

Usually I've found it's a feeling like other unpleasant feelings so I distract myself (with reading or working on an interest or project) and the feeling passes. You can only concentrate on one thing at a time so focusing on something else helps me get through a period of time where there are feelings that are uncomfortable.

I found that going out and talking to at least one person; store clerk, librarian, another customer at a store, etc. keeps me much more centered and not quite so introspective. I use to have trouble especially on weekends when there wasn't work or other ways of meeting/talking to people. So I quickly learned to just go out to the store or someplace "public" where I could chat with someone for a moment, see the "world" going on and be part of it.

I try to focus on the good I do have around me, home, pets etc. I also can recall the bad times when married, and also how much peace and solitude I have now that I'm not, and compare the two. When I see couples quarreling in public, I remind myself that it isn't such a bad thing to make all my own decisions and not have to answer to anyone for them.

Take up classes and groups that interest me and that can satisfy my curiosity. I meet the people that have similar interests. Go to the gym.

Lately, I've been going for a walk or a jog, depending on how I feel to get out of the house...or sitting in the car at the park and watching the geese and the water... Also, I belong to an online weight loss group, so sometimes I get online and try to help people who are having problems with their weight loss....providing suggestions, motivation, etc.

Another thing that I plan on doing is going to a movie and calling my friends more, just to talk, not to whine (which I have to make a mental note to myself NOT TO DO)....

TJ

Hey
I'm trying to.. uhm.. ignore it. It usually comes and goes.. kind of tidal.. i guess. And I learned that it was important to keep myself busy by the point it went overwhelming.. I don't really care if ignoring loneliness means being a coward, because there are no other ways I can stand it

Being on overtime and working through whole weekend may sound exhausting, but is still much better than feeling lonely.. is it?

sry if my english sucks

It can be overwhelming... Lately, I have just been trying to keep my mind occupied with other things and reach out to people when I am feeling overwhelmed! Otherwise, I will resort to bad behavior or better known as my coping mechanisms!

TJ

Just know that there is one more person now who understands how you feel.

My animals help me most with my loneliness...as does music, reading, or going out with friends.

I totally agree. You can't always depend on others to fill that void.

Sometimes I hate the feeling of loneliness that it seems unbearable but if you see chaos outside then I realize it's better to on your own..

Well, I feel in love with a married woman 3000 miles away online. I always seem to set myself up for major hurts, and this was it. She loved chatting with me, but that's all she wanted. Me, I was so hungry for love and hit it off with her so, I fantasized that somehow it would work out for us. It didn't. I blew my top and spewed my hurt out at her, and so now I don't even have a friend to chat with. I'm AvPD. And this is how I try to fulfill the love I so desperately seek, with my fear of being close to someone.

I get out a notebook and write down everything I'm feeling and all the possible reasons why. I write for as long as I can without stopping, anything that comes into my head even if it's only "um...running out of things to say..."

Sometimes I write "letters" to people telling them how I'm feeling and what's going on to make me feel lonely. I never send them, but they make me feel better

Hi horsecab, when I read your message, I just had to say a few things. I wonder if you see a therapist, because you would be able to find answers to this issue if you did. I have had difficulties in the past with the same issues: lack of love in my life and loneliness. Boy, do I know what this feels like!

Basic principles on how to deal with loneliness and other emotional issues:

FIRST AND FOREMOST, you need to be aware that everyone suffers from loneliness at one time or another. It is normal. It is the human condition. To some extent, we all need to accept it as a reality of life. But if it is all-consuming, then it is definitely a problem that has to be dealt with.

If a person is married, then that usually means they are unavailable for anything but friendship. Looking for more is asking for hurt. Especially from someone so far away.

Of course that's all she wanted. She's married! Don't expect more of a person if they can't give it, even if you like them.

No surprise. Fantasizing is usually wishful thinking. Fantasizing about love is not real love. That doesn't make it true. It is difficult to live in reality, but it is important to learn how. It is important to learn to accept reality. There are healthy ways to improve your reality if it is unsatisfying.

No one wants to get into a relationship with someone who is really needy. First you have to learn how to love yourself, then you will be ready to give love to someone else. Getting into a relationship because you are lonely is not a good reason to get into a relationship. It would not be healthy for your relationship. And getting into a relationship because you are lonely does not heal loneliness.

Fantasizing about love that doesn't really exist means you have emotional issues that need to be dealt with before getting into a relationship with a woman.

You can make friends closer to home. It can take time,but you can learn how. Get into therapy! Go to Emotions Anonymous, or Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous meetings. There you will learn about emotional issues that impede the ability for normal relationships. You don't want to go around projecting your need onto other people, expecting them to fill the hole of your need.

When learning about real love, you find out there is always going to be a risk of getting hurt. Learn how not to let fear of getting hurt rule your life. The sooner you learn, the sooner you can get on with living a healthier life!

Bottom line is get into therapy and learn how to fix whatever the problem is. Find out why it is a problem in the first place. If it takes facing your past, then do it. Talking to someone is the only way to figure things out. And talking to someone who can really help you is the best thing to do.

The truth can hurt, but the truth also heals.

Wishing you good emotional health!

This is a good idea. A good way to "talk out" how I am feeling. Another method to use during future loneliness when it arises.

I tend to get online and try to help others who are looking for answers on things that I am a little knowledgable about... It makes me feel less sad about my situation because others are feeling pain and I would like to help them through it as much as possible. Or, I try to go for walks or drives to help me through things. Sometimes I even journal to help me to work out what I'm feeling and why I'm feeling it... Sometimes at least just getting out the pain helps a great deal!

TJ

awww
scratch that

Find someone you know to hug (at the least) in your mind. Imagination is good!

Oh, I absolutely agree. For me, participating in all that PC has to offer here has helped me tremendously in not feeling so alone and unneeded. This site is a real blessing. I also enjoy these dragon games (see my little friends below) that I have gotten involved in - something I've never done before (chuckle). And I am creating and improving some friendships through FACEBOOK as well. I don't like to go for walks, because they make me feel worse (more lonely). But drives might be good - I like driving, even alone. And there are a lot of places I could go!

I admit that journalling seemed a mountain too high to climb while I was depressed. Since then I wrote a poem of my "Last Six Years" (under Creative Corner forum if anyone is interested). http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=90093
This was the freshest burst of creative juice for the first time in many years!

I plant myself in the lab and work, work, work. If I'm at home I get busy either cleaning, watching TV, cooking. My best choice though is finding at least one friend that would want to go out and do something, like watch a movie, go shopping, for coffee, etc.

Hey Claudia, Happy to hear that these things are working for you as well! Just doing those things has gotten me through some really dark times lately. I am grateful to everyone here on PC and other sites that I belong to for their support!!!

Peace!

TJ

It actually helps me not to be around people. When I get around a lot of people in that kind of mood I just end up feeling isolated. Mostly I just curl up with a good book (generally a nice trashy novel) or write angsty poetry. Cry if I feel like like it.

I try to meet friends online.

I have my teddy mr.giraffe to keep me company x

(((jinnyann))))

You have a family that loves you, and I hope that you can talk to them about how lonely you feel.

The good thing is that it does pass, when we fill the emptiness.

Best to you...

Peace and Support,
Night
xoxo