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#1
Jun 11, 2009, 02:19 AM
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I really really really need someone to tell me not to do what I want to do so badly now - I have got somthing in my pocket that I used to hurt myself before - I went to another ward and they were just lyeing there - and I picked some up - I dont want to break my promise - but I think i will go insane - I have been triggered so badly today
Please please someone tell me why I shouldnt - I read the posts at the top but they mean nothing - I dont want to do this but I feel I have to -my hands are shaking - help!
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Its not how many times you fall down that counts  its how many times you get back up!   (Thanks to fenrir for my Picture  )When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown, Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly. by Patrick Overton, author and poet |
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#2
Jun 11, 2009, 03:39 AM
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You dont need to do it you have gone so long without doing it. I know you can fight the urge you have done it before and you can do it again! Please try and do something to take your mind off it. Turn your music up really loud and scream as loud as you can and do that till you cant scream no more. Its worth a try isnt it?. You dont need to do this you are strong you can fight the urge! Please be safe
Last edited by Rachie; Jun 11, 2009 at 04:48 AM. |
 phoenix7
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#3
Jun 11, 2009, 04:35 AM
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   .gif "Sad Boy")   
__________________
Its not how many times you fall down that counts its how many times you get back up! (Thanks to fenrir for my Picture )When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown, Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly. by Patrick Overton, author and poet |
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#4
Jun 11, 2009, 04:47 AM
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| phoenix7
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#5
Jun 11, 2009, 07:26 AM
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fate intervened ... i took my keys out of my pocket and the blades fell out in front of another nurse so I had to pretend i was putting them on the shelf - so I had to leave them at work....
I still feel like I am going to leap out of my skin...... stupid stupid phoenix!!! 
__________________
Its not how many times you fall down that counts its how many times you get back up! (Thanks to fenrir for my Picture )When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown, Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly. by Patrick Overton, author and poet |
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#6
Jun 11, 2009, 07:32 AM
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Thats good thats a sign you shouldnt need to do it. You shouldnt be angry you should be happy u made it thru another day
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| phoenix7
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#7
Jun 11, 2009, 07:36 AM
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I ma angry with me Rachie and the way I always seem to rebound when somthing goo happens - I am sooooo tired of it
 part of me doesnt want to have good things happen so the bad trhings dont come back - if they are here all the time it is easier to take than if they go away and come back again - weak and pathetic sorry - thankyou for your support it means a lot I just felt so alone and out of control now im just sad an disappointed in myself.
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Its not how many times you fall down that counts its how many times you get back up! (Thanks to fenrir for my Picture )When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown, Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly. by Patrick Overton, author and poet |
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#8
Jun 11, 2009, 07:39 AM
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P7 take a big deep breath and just think of something else - like have you read my message to you
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| phoenix7
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#9
Jun 11, 2009, 07:42 AM
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You are NOT weak and pathetic! You are strong and courageous! I know how hard it is to try and stop doing this to yourself ive been there aswel. If you can just get thru today i know tomorrow will be a better day for you. Please stay safe. Things can and will get better for you!
if you ever need to talk dont gpesitate to pm me stay strong!
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| phoenix7
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#10
Jun 11, 2009, 07:49 AM
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Quote:
__________________
Its not how many times you fall down that counts its how many times you get back up! (Thanks to fenrir for my Picture )When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown, Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly. by Patrick Overton, author and poet |
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#11
Jun 11, 2009, 08:19 AM
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I'm glad you didn't hurt you. Hear me Phoenix? I'm glad you didn't hurt you!
Maybe things happen for a reason. Maybe you needed to re-examine some of your issues with SI. Maybe this was a healing step for you. Please continue on your path of not hurting you. You are a good person and deserve good things.
__________________
 notz |
| phoenix7
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#12
Jun 11, 2009, 08:25 AM
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thankyou Rachie and Notz
I am going to go crawl under the covers and pretend I dont exist - maybe tomorrow will be better ..... thanks again
__________________
Its not how many times you fall down that counts its how many times you get back up! (Thanks to fenrir for my Picture )When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown, Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly. by Patrick Overton, author and poet |
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#13
Jun 11, 2009, 08:34 AM
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Your welcome phoenix! Goodnite my dear
stay safe, talk to you tomorrow
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| phoenix7
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#14
Jun 11, 2009, 08:34 AM
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Be stong ~ this sadness will pass and you know you will get through it. Take from those who love you the strength to let this feeling fade and become another step in succeeding in the fight.
Right now works for me is to picture and feel the sadness of the people closest to me if i did. The people closest to me now accept that i feel this need at times but for me to hurt myself is one thing ~ to hurt them too is unfair, it is what i needed. I hadnt told people before, except my doc, but my love and the love of my fiance and soul brother is so strong now, that for once, i believe it. I dont feel i could say i would never do it again, i have lapsed before but i can say i feel like i dont have to because i can actually tell someone who wont go loopy demanding that i dont, but will stay with me until i feel stronger. And now i have found PC and although i havent posted everywhere i should yet i have been lurking and reading ~ gathering my thoughts, i feel it is an exellent place for understanding and support. Take another deep breath and most of all take care of you
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**Shadowsilence** All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream....change is eternal, perpetual and immortal. |
| phoenix7
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#15
Jun 11, 2009, 12:44 PM
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Phoenix, you did it!!!!! Yeah!!!!!!! What triggered you?
I'm not sure that I understand this rebound thing. I see it as you having good things happen and then you go back to your usual depression. As you keep working your depression will get less and more good things will happen. Good things happening is progress. Do you see good things happening as an end to feeling bad forever?
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Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
| phoenix7
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#16
Jun 11, 2009, 06:59 PM
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Sannah the rebound thing - its like if someone was hitting you - mildly all the time and then stopped and smiled at you - then as you smiled back they hit you twice as hard - it feels like if they just kept hitting you it would be easier...... so next time they smile at you you still smile back - instinct - but you are also sooo afraid of what wil come next - does that make sense? sad today thats all - wish T or pdoc were here - cant see T till after 24th and pdoc 27th - just feeling lost thats all ...
__________________
Its not how many times you fall down that counts its how many times you get back up! (Thanks to fenrir for my Picture )When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown, Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly. by Patrick Overton, author and poet |
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#17
Jun 12, 2009, 12:57 AM
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phoenix7--
know your not alone--we are always here for you ready to listen and we understand. you are strong and we are proud of you. keep reaching out and telling us--we all are here for each other. dps |
| phoenix7
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#18
Jun 12, 2009, 04:36 AM
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thank yuo DPS
that works both ways you know - Im justsad thats all - didnt SI - just sad
__________________
Its not how many times you fall down that counts its how many times you get back up! (Thanks to fenrir for my Picture )When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown, Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly. by Patrick Overton, author and poet |
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#19
Jun 13, 2009, 10:08 AM
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Hey Phoenix,
Sorry I have not been around - been lost in my own stuff. I understand the rebound thing all too well and it's scary. Like being between a rock and hard place - feels like you can't win either way. It's not about the cutting and if you do or not and I think you know that. You don't have to use that as a barometer of your self esteem. If you do you are bad and if you don't you did well. The feelings are going to be there. SI'ing will just give you yet another thing to beat yourself up over. I get freaked when things are calm and don't know how to deal with it. For me it's almost an out of control feeling. It's hard not to bite the hook and SI, today I almost did and it wasn't that the urge passed it was just talking to somebody about what was going on. I'm happy that you did not SI, but more importantly I'm happy that you posted and intervened when the urges were so strong. THIS IS HARD STUFF!!! But I really think that you want this, I know from what you have posted that you really want to learn new behaviors and start to make choices. I wish I could give you the elixir to make it better, but I don't. But I care and think I understand some of what you are going through. I hope that's helpful. Keep us posted. |
| phoenix7
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#20
Jun 13, 2009, 10:58 AM
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Hi P7, glad you didn't hurt yourself. Hugs to you! I know this is hard and just wanted to offer hugs.
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| phoenix7
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#21
Jun 13, 2009, 10:04 PM
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 Phoenix7,please find help by looking at my newly created "group" page, DBTDBT Helping papers I care so much about you, please try to stay safe, I know how hard this is for you now Please just try to push through thisWith passion, dance59326
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"Life is like photography, you use the negatives to develop"
"When the world says 'Give up,' Hope whispers 'Try it one more time'" ~ Unknown "To dwell in the here and the now does not mean you never think about the past or responsibility, plan for the future. The idea is simply not to allow yourself to get lost in regrets about past or worries about the past or worries about the future. If you are firmly in the present moment, the past can be an object of inquiry, the object of your mindfulness by looking into the past, but you are still grounded in the present moment" Thich Nhat Hanh |
| phoenix7
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#22
Jun 14, 2009, 07:31 AM
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 (((((((((((((((((( phoenix ))))))))))))))))))))
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| phoenix7
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#23
Jun 14, 2009, 09:11 AM
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I am semi-stable now than you guys and gals -
Dance59326 the info link was helpful - thankyou as was everyones hugs and well wishes I have some things I brought home - but I have not used them so my promise to T stays intact thankyou
__________________
Its not how many times you fall down that counts its how many times you get back up! (Thanks to fenrir for my Picture )When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown, Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly. by Patrick Overton, author and poet |
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#24
Jun 14, 2009, 12:39 PM
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So glad to hear that you are doing better Phoenix!!!!
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
| phoenix7
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#25
Jun 15, 2009, 01:59 PM
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Keep it up! I knew and know that you can get through thisYou're a very important person with many things to share in life  Congratulations!!!
__________________
"Life is like photography, you use the negatives to develop"
"When the world says 'Give up,' Hope whispers 'Try it one more time'" ~ Unknown "To dwell in the here and the now does not mean you never think about the past or responsibility, plan for the future. The idea is simply not to allow yourself to get lost in regrets about past or worries about the past or worries about the future. If you are firmly in the present moment, the past can be an object of inquiry, the object of your mindfulness by looking into the past, but you are still grounded in the present moment" Thich Nhat Hanh |
| phoenix7
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