Should I go?

I have to see my doctor at 6pm... I don't know what to say about the cut and burn marks, he's gonna see them, I know it.

This is going to be my first visit to get help and now I really don't want to go. just thinking about it is giving me the shakes because I don't know what he'll say.

Hi Jay! I am sorry that you are feeling anxious about the appt. This seems very, very normal. We are all this way when we first go for help. I am so glad that you are taking the first steps. I don't have any personal experience with SI so I don't know what to tell you about your marks. I do know that being honest is the best way to get proper help. I have been anxious about many, many things in my life but I have never let it stop me. I have done things shaking and very pale in my face. I have never regretted any of it. Pushing yourself even when you are afraid is how you get rid of the fear (by taking the first steps to work through it).

Yes you absolutely should go to the doctor and it's okay if he/she sees the cut and burn marks. In the self injury forum there are sticky posts that have very helpful ways to control those urges to hurt yourself. Right at the top of the forum are the 'sticky' posts. Did you know that when a person self injures they actually get a SURGE of endorphins and that's why if gives them some relief. You can also get the same feeling from some rigorous exercise - next time you feel like huting yourself, do 100 jumping jacks instead. You can also try writing on your arm with red non- permanent marker instead of really hurting yourself. Start exercising - it will give you that natural endorphin boost.
Don't talk yourself out of going because many people here are hoping that you'll get help. Believe me doctors have seen worse and heard everything - there's not much that surprises them. As the NIKE ad says - JUST DO IT. Good luck.

Thanks Sannah & lynn P.

I still have a while yet to decide, but if I do go.... what do I tell him? because I have no idea what to say or even if I'll remember everything or he might even say there's nothing wrong and tell me to leave or he might say I'm crazy and try to lock me up.

To help you formulate what you will say do you want to tell me why you are going? This would be what I would tell him.

I think you should go. I know it's very scary, but at least you should try. Doc can't lock you up that easily, you have to be a serious danger to yourself or others (for example activelly suicidal or seriously threaten to kill someone), otherwise they can't do it. You hurt yourself, there is no way the doc will tell "there's nothing wrong" and he definitelly won't tell you to leave. He will try to help you. You just have to show up and you'll decide what to tell later, when you see how things go. Hang in there. and tell us how it went, ok?

I agree with 3Velniai that they don't lock people up that easy. Sometimes I make a list and take it to the doctor with me or you can at home write down the important things that you want to mention. The doctor is there to help you not turn you away.
I once saw a special on people who live strange lives and this guy believed that he was really a CAT and so he had many surgeries to make himself look like one - he altered his lip to be shaped like a cat, had implants to make hischeeks puffy and filed his teeth to be pointy and he walks out in public wearing a tail. Now that too me is WEIRD and I'm generally not judgemental. It's okay to laugh at this story.
So if CAt MAN can go to his doctor and on TV, then I'm sure your problems aren't anywhere near as bad. Don't worry, just say the truth and hope for the best.

I'll go.... but I don't think it'll do any good.

One visit may not fix things, but it points you in the right direction.

I didn't think going to my T would help at all, but it has over time.

Jay!!! Here is your shadow!! You do not need to HIDE anything......remember it is the ILLNESS talking and this doctor has most likely seen people in similar situations before......

I know the guilt in having marks on your body regarding such a stigmatised affliction, but remember, one day you will look at those diminishing scars and see them as part of you overcoming the battle(I do, but it is not for everyone. My scars are a reminder of what I overcame. I see them as battle scars and I won the war!). I am not advocating self-harm, but as part of forgiving yourself, you must see the forgiveness in these marks.

Be proud that you can overcome, that yes they are there, but you do not need to hide them. Misunderstanding or judgement be damned!! YOU are the one that has to battle the demon everyday, not the doctor or anyone else.

Stop beating yourself up, your pride and value system does not rest on the judgement of others, and YOU ARE IMPORTANT!!!!

Now that I have yelled at you, in the nicest posible way, I hope all went well at the docs........and if it didn't, on to the next.

You can do it!!!!

Jay,

When I first say my T, I didn't know how to tell her either. I literally didn't have the words to say it, so I just held out my arm and showed her my cuts. That's something that may work for you.

Thanks everyone, & Michah

It didn't go so well, or at least that's how I took it. I tied to say everything but all I could really do was stutter a few things out, and I never stutter .

But he just sat there with a smug smile on his face that made it even harder to talk. All he would do was make and appointment at the Mental Health Center for me.

I understand how hard it was for you to tell him everything and you did a wonderful job of telling at least something. You can't say more than you are ready to I see a very good outcome of the appt: you have an appt at mental health centre. Gp doc's ability to help with this stuff is rather limited, and now you will have someone who will be able to help.
When is your appt at the mental health centre?

Hi Jay, I am so glad that you went and I am so glad that you will have an appt.! So are you disappointed in yourself because it was hard to talk? I think that you did fine. If you could have walked in there and handled everything to perfection why would you need help then? This is one thing that I have learned on my journey is that I don't have to be perfect. I can mess up all my words and stutter and it doesn't matter. I realized this after I took a minute to watch others and saw that they messed up too and they weren't ashamed from it. I am no longer ashamed either.........

Thank you 3velniai

I have to wait for the mental health center to call me... but I was told it would be at least a two weeks wait to see a psychiatrist.

Hi Sannah

I am very disappointed in myself, I knew everything I was going to say but I froze... so if this happens all the time, how can I help myself? And I know other people have the same problem but I have a very hard time communicating well with people in real life because I'm worried of what they think of me.

But he did put me on something called Wellbutrin XL till I see the psychiatrist.

Even though this happened you did help yourself! You are getting an appt.! These types of things are worked on slowly (I know from experience).

So being worried about what people are thinking about you is causing it? I can certainly relate to that. How I got better was to take these issues and work on them. If you are interested, I would suggest you understand it better, like where did it come from? And work on those answers. We get dysfunctional ways about us because we were in dysfunctional environments. I got rid of my dysfunctional ways by understanding where they came from. This helped me to release myself from them. I then replaced things with healthy behaviors. These things have to be worked on step by step. You can't rush through it because then it won't work.

It's worrying about what people are thinking..... plus I'm very paranoid at times because of what happened in my childhood so I know where these problems come from but I cannot let go of things... I think about it everyday, and dysfunctional is an understatement. but hopefully I will get good help from the psychiatric assessment I'm getting.

Jay, I am so glad you went to the appointment! I know the wait for the psychiatrist is going to seem like forever, but you can do it.

Good job.

Amazonmom

Thank you..... it wasn't easy but I did it, and will do that same with the psychiatrist too.. but this time with a list of things wrong with me so I don't forget.

Yes, and you will be able to let go once you work through it. No one can just let go of things...........