[StargazerLily]

..triggered. I've never understood it. I'm starting to feel better than I have in the longest time, but I want to feel bad. I haven't cut since..Feb? maybe March? I don't even remember. I don't count days/months, makes it easier on me. Don't feel like I have to make some sort of goal before giving in. Maybe, is it, I'm uncomfortable with the changes? Or to remember not to go back? Or just that I've lost so many methods of coping (cutting, drinking, smoking, pills) that I want to go back? I don't know. I'm just tired..bed time. And confused..so very confused.

Kayleigh

[Rapunzel]

Kayleigh, I know what you mean. I quite often want to be triggered too, especially after not cutting for several weeks. Maybe there's something familiar and comfortable about it, because it has worked before, especially when you are giving up other coping methods at the same time. Are you able to develop some healthy coping methods to take their place?

Rap

[jetblackaura]

I know what you mean ((((((((((((Kayleigh)))))))))<--if ok? It's strange huh?

[BamaSurvivor]

As bad as this may sound, giving up all of your coping mechinisms may not be such a good idea to do all at one time... Try giving up the least healthy first, then after a week or two, try another, etc, etc, until you've build a healthy coping skill and have no negative ones left. That may help the situation more, Kayleigh. (((big huggz)))

[StargazerLily]

Thanks..it was really hard for me last night, but I made it. I do think there is some comfort in it as I'm changing, but there is some truth in what everyone has to say.

It hasn't been exactly all at once, but maybe too fast for my comfort. It's been over the course of the past 4-5 months, actually. What's really killing me now is being sober. It's not that I want it, it's just the fact that I have to feel things now and I still haven't dealt with how I'm going to cope with that. I haven't been sober since I stopped cutting. So I guess this doesn't really belong here and I hijacked my own thread..hehe.

Thanks for the (((((((((hugs))))))))

Kayleigh

[BamaSurvivor]

Oh yeah, dealing with life on lifes own terms and having to really face things without any substances altering that is hard to do. It'll get easier with time, I give you my word on that. Life will never be easy, but dealing WITH life without drugs/alcohol will become easier with time. (huggz)

[StargazerLily]

Yeah, my friend keeps saying that in a few weeks I'll be feeling different and things will be changing noticably. They keep saying, just wait out the next few weeks. And it's hard to think about the next few weeks when all you have on your mind is now. So I gotta make some changes myself. And right now that starts with my class..bell..see ya..

Kayleigh

i'm so happy and proud for you..........you always have us to lean on.......k? xoxox pat

[BamaSurvivor]

We're here for you, Kayleigh... (((star)))

[StargazerLily]

Thanks (((((pat + Bama)))))) (okay??)

Just want to cry today. I've wanted to cry for so long but I just don't think I can. My eyes just don't want to, and I don't have a reason, and I'd just feel really stupid. So just trying to make it by for now. *sigh*

Thanks again..

Kayleigh

Kayleigh... I think that sometimes we get so used to feeling a certain way that when we start to feel better it's scarry because we're used to feeling bad. The key, if you ask me, is to take things slowly and try to see yourself and your emotions from a neutral point of view. Sometimes we get caught up in the emotions and desires and we're not fully aware of what might happen if we do something such as cutting or being triggered. So take a step aside and clear your mind. Now see yourself as you are now... SI free, feeling good about yourself, and starting to live. Now look at yourself as you were. Granted I didn't know you very well then, nor do I now but my best guess is troubled, depressed, and fighting SI urges... that's pretty much par for the course around here. Anyway, which way is better? Now, imagine what the effects would be if you were triggered? What if it took you months or even years to get back to where you are now? The feelings you have are normal, but it's key to try to understand them and why you have them so you can continue to move forward without major setbacks. I'm so proud of you right now. You've done so well. Now remember this, if you do happen to slip, it's not the end of the world and we'll all be here to pick you up and support you. All of this is only my 2 cents. Take it for what it's worth. So take good care of yourself my dear friend.

Always
Ry

[StargazerLily]

I know what you're saying. Thing is, I'm not feeling good about myself. And I know that if I do somethign unbelievably stupid again, the person that will be hurt isn't me, but my friends. I, honestly, couldn't care less what happens to me, but if it hurts my dear friends I try my hardest not to.

Troubled, depressed and fighting urges seems to apply to me, even now. I got back the urge a few days ago, and it hit like a ton of bricks. Now, it's not so much of an urge, but it's more of an open option again as the past few months I've been too bloody wasted to notice I've been hurt inside. Now that I've been sober (for 10 days, and oh what hell that's been) I just want anything to kill the sudden rush of emotion again.

Gah..that's my spill for now. See y'alls around..

Kayleigh

[BamaSurvivor]

Your feelings are completely normal right now. Your body is trying to adapt to life without mood altering chemicals, so right now you're on a roller coaster. It'll get better with time IF you let it. (huggz) I'm very proud of you and the 10 days sober. You go, girl!