[paintingravens]

So I went to my third appointment with the campus counselor, and I gotta say, it went much much better than the first two. I was actually able to spit out what I needed and wanted to say -- including my concerns that I'm about 90% certain that I'm bipolar -- and I feel like I actually accomplished something significant this session. Go me! :]
Now I have homework to do: I need to utilize a couple of close friends as a means of keeping me from cutting when I feel the urge, something I've only done once since I began (I don't talk much to my friends about this...), not to mention I need to talk to my mother (I am NOT excited about that, but it's gotta happen eventually, and I need to...) about my concerns -- not the SI part, at least not yet, just the part about having a possible mood disorder -- so hopefully, assuming financial hurdles are cleared, that'll open some doors to receiving a professional psych evaluation, which in turn, may lead to some means of helping to stabilize these mood swings of mine, which will GREATLY help reduce the need to regain control over myself, aaaand that means I'm that much closer to stopping my self-injury.
Sooooo, now comes the hardest part: TALKING... *sigh* It always sounds much easier than it is, doesn't it? :/

This is major, paintingravens. Congratulations.

[Sannah]

Hey, very good work!!!!! I am so excited that you opened up to your T!!! Yah!!!!!!

You can do this next step. We can talk you through it, support you, if you need us to!

[paintingravens]

Thanks so much. I'm really really nervous/uncertain/reluctant/unexcited/other such similar unpleasant adjectives about discussing this with my mother, but I think it'll all work out eventually... my counselor says he wants me to talk to my two close friends who know about my cutting about being able to call them when I need to by the end of the week -- Friday, he says (which actually isn't the end of the week, but anywho...) and he wants me to email him once I've done it... As for talking with my mom, we didn't really set a deadline, but since my next appointment is on the 24th, I'm assuming it needs to be done by then... :/ Like I said, I'm a bit nervous about talking with my mom, and for some reason, all day today I've just felt like I drank a red bull--I've been edgy and shaking and fidgety, unable to sit still for two seconds, all day freakin long. This happens only when I've had coffee or other such caffeine-filled products, so either that single glass of tea I drank today (and I always drink tea--it never does that to me) had a ****load of caffeine, or it's something else... but anyways, it hasn't helped any.
I might actually try to call my mom tonight to talk to her about this possible mood disorder issue... I thought about waiting until the 19 when I return home so I could do it face to face, but, not to seem selfish, I'd really prefer not to have to see her reaction... It'll be much easier to tell her over the phone, I think...
Well, like I said, I'm sure it'll work out eventually.

[jennaorgana]

really reallllllly good work!!!

seriously, when i first started going through the diagnosis process i was terrified of talking to my mother about it. its scary!!!

[Sannah]

Maybe your fidgetiness is anxiety about talking to your mom?

[paintingravens]

I don't know. I think it definitely could be.

Oh god, I don't know HOW on EARTH I'm going to do this...

[Sannah]

[puzzclar]

You'll be able to do it, I think over the phone would be best if you are anxious. That way you can have some comfort idems by you, and if need your friends you spook of could be there for you to help you. (it's an idea that might help you)

[Mike_J]

It seems that most things in life sound easy but really aren't. This is a HUGE step, but an important one, I hope that your mom is receptive to what you need to tell her. You might want to jot down some notes before you call her

Good Luck

[Bill3]

Go me!

Go you!

I am so happy to hear your news!

[FooZe]

Originally Posted by Mike_J

It seems that most things in life sound easy but really aren't. This is a HUGE step, but an important one...

I think just the process of working on it is going to be useful for you, paintingravens. If you do get all the way through the conversation, that'll be like icing on the cake (to coin a cliche).

[bluidgal2u]

congrats hun!!!!!! Im bipolar to and when i finally went to therapist it made life soo much easier!! About your Mom its going to be hard im not going to lie but you mom will support you and help you. I know my mom did when she found out about my SIing.
Just keep your head up you CAN do this

How are you doing, paintingravens?

[paintingravens]

I'm ok, but I'm still trying to find the right time and the right words to talk to my mom...

Though I did learn recently that, while I thought I did not have insurance--mostly because my mom would occasionally mention not having insurance--turns out I DO have state-funded insurance, and it was just my mom who was insurance-less...
So that's good. For me, at least, not for her...

But I'm still stuck on how to approach her. My next appointment is next wednesday, and I'm assuming I'm supposed to have talked to her by then, but I'm actually not sure... I've been actually looking for some divine guidance of some sort (for me, praying always seems to help show me what to do when I need it)... I'm sure it won't be as bad as I'm worried it's gonna be (I'm sure it'll be awkward as hell...), but still...I'm trying to find a way to mention the possibility of mood disorder without mentioning SI in ANY way, but... idk. I'm quite stuck-ish.

[Sannah]

Good news about your insurance! Sounds like you have moved forward a bit in your mind on discussing this with your mom........