[carrie-19]

I feel so pathetic. I recently stopped cutting *hooray* but I used the technique with the hair bobbin snapping on the wrist. But I idk I just do it so much with the metal part I have got bruises on my wrists.. I've jus supplemented cutting for something else and banging it off the end of my bed I know it's so stupid I feel so weak. Why can't I just be normal I don't know what to do anymore

[jacq10]

(((((((((((((carrie))))))))))))))
You are neither stupid or weak. I know it can sometimes feel like this, particularly when we are in a bad enough place to engage in self-injury. As for wishing you were "normal," I get that... but really, what IS normal? As bad as things can sometimes get, I like to think that everyone's struggles are given to them for a reason... even if that reason may seem so far away.
Hang in there, and please be good to yourself. Look at the "sticky" tagged threads on the main SI forum, there are many other suggestions (such as holding ice, etc) to try when you feel the urge to SI.
Sending gentle hugs... feel free to PM if you ever want to chat.
Jacq

[Sannah]

Hi Carrie, are you in therapy? Do you think you SI because of overwhelming feelings that you don't know what to do with them?

[carrie-19]

thank you jacq and sannah so much. Jus knowing someone took time to read my post and stop and try and help.I do feel a little better after Reading your post jacq (: thankyou.I haven't the strenght to stop but you have made me feel that little bit better. I am currently in therapy but he says next time I go(march I think it is) should be my last :/ I have a problem communicating it feelings . I don't really feel comfertable with him. I've tried writing stuff down and bringing it with me but I just can't.
I think the reason I do SI is because I find it difficultnto talk about. I do have an amazingly supportive bf but Id jus feel I'm letting him down if I tell him .
Thank you again fir listening to me blab on about all this stuff

[Sannah]

So maybe it is time to be more open with your therapist?

[carrie-19]

I know your right sannah. I know I'm goin to say yes I'm goin to do that , and the day will come an ill just chicken out and make up some lame excuse. I know it's the right thing I just don't know how in going to do it.I guess I'll jus really have to try this time. I might try and talk to my bf about it or idk keep talking on here so then I might not feel so bad about it . I think I'm jus worried because I think I'm just over exagerating ,maybe I am. I just needto talk to someone and find out if I'm jus being stupid about this of not . Thanks sannah

[Sannah]

You can keep talking to us about talking to your therapist!

[carrie-19]

That'd probably be good for me. I do know he means well and he is a nice person but I never feel as if I'm getting anywhere. I come out and feel like I'm stuck in the same place.I feel bad for even thinking that because he's just really nice. But he just asks things which seem comepletely irrelevant. I feel like I'm screamig inside for him to notice that I'm not ok. I know I should be the one to tell him but as I said I'm not good at communiating this. But I am going to try and change this. Plus the place I go is actually for children (16 and under). I feel so out if place there(I'm 18). I know the obvious conclusion would be to move but this is a free service and bit sure where else I could get a new T so close to home etc. Sorry this seems to always jus be me venting . I'm sorry

[jennaorgana]

i did the same thing too, with the rubberband. and it feels as though you are supplementing one form of SI for another...

but think of it this way... heroin addicts will start drinking TONS of coffee or smoking cigs after they go through with withdrawal... we are always looking for something to be addicted to, but snapping a band is a whole lot better than cutting or burning, you know?

silver lining! keep us all updated! and i agree with jaq, check out the stickies. they really helped me

HUGS FROM ME!

Perhaps you could print your postings here and write out any other concerns you have for your therapist. After he has looked them over, ask him straight out if he can help you deal with these issues.

If you are uncomfortable with this therapist, ask to be referred to another.

Therapy is a joint venture. You have to be open and forthright to get the best the therapist has to offer.

Good luck.

[BashfullOne]

{{{Carrie}}} Please look for a new T, one that you will feel comfortable with. Ask the T you now have to please help you find one that you can talk to.
Knowing that you have a problem and telling others about it is a big step. Keep writing down your thoughts in a journal - that in its self is a realse. Write it all done.... I do and it does help and I'm able to sleep after I've jotted down my thoughts and feelings. I have a wonderful support system - loving husband and two sons. But I still get depressed and still need my pdoc to talk to. Please keep posting and know that we are here to listen and help as much as we possiblely can. Bless you!!

[carrie-19]

i think i should or at least mention it to my parents. this might be a silly question but is there much difference between a child T and an adult T?probably not but jw.
im not sure if i feel better today.ii feel idk beyond happy lol but i still have self destructive thoughts ah so confusing.i cant sit still and i can barely concentrate on what people have written .im sorry i know none of this is now relevent to the thread.thank you to everyonee again (:

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by carrie-19

I never feel as if I'm getting anywhere. I come out and feel like I'm stuck in the same place.

But he just asks things which seem comepletely irrelevant.

I feel like I'm screamig inside for him to notice that I'm not ok.

I know I should be the one to tell him but as I said I'm not good at communiating this. But I am going to try and change this.

If you don't communicate with your therapist how can you get better??? I would suggest staying with this T because you really haven't given him a chance yet.

[carrie-19]

Idk but u feel like I have. I'm going to try again anyway

[Sannah]

Yah!!! Keep us updated?

Good luck, carrie-19.

How are you doing, carrie?

[carrie-19]

I'm ok. I've had exams the past few weeks and yesterday was my first day off. It would have been nice if I got sleep but I jus couldn't idk why. I feel this self hatred seeping into me. I jus want to turn invisble. I don't want to go out or talk. I jus want to stay in bed. I don't feel right with my friends. Idk why but I just feel like I'm lieing to them all the time. Idk what about . I just feel so guilty for everything. Anytime I eat I feel like I've overindulged myself and end up cycling until I feel dizzy and I can't move. I wish someone was here .nothing seems right

Does your therapist know about how harshly you view yourself? Self-hatred is so counterproductive.

You are a valuable person going through some rough spots. Tell your therapist everything you feel and think about. Let the therapist know so he/she may give you the benefit of his/her best work.

Be good to yourself. If you do not, who will?

[Sannah]

When is your next appt with your T?

[billieJ]

Dear Carrie ~ Congratulations on the progress you have made. The glass is half full, not half empty! You have done well. You are neither stupid or weak, but have made progress in improving a condition which plagues many, many people. Be kind to yourself and realize how much strength you have shown. From the Heart - billieJ

[carrie-19]

my next appt with my T is in April sometime :/
& thankyou for the kind words billej , i'll try and keep them in mind

((((((((((( carrie )))))))))))

[Sannah]

Can you get more frequent appts?

[carrie-19]

idk how to do that as i dont have direct contact with my T at all? any ideas?