[cutbuddie]

I cut... have been for about two years on and off really. Heres why.. well i always feel alone, well i mostly always am! I hate it. My dad has my mom, my older sister has her boyfriend whose been living with us for a couple months cause his mom is a big fat liar and i dont like hearing about it. Since he moved in. I dont get ANY attention. All they talk about is him and his situation and or talk about my older sister. I hate it all!! I mean the only person I regularly like is my dad. he's been there for me alot more. I've gathered up the courage to ask him to take me to the doctor a while ago. Why? well, since i felt so alone and depressed i was going to see if i could get anti-depressants. That was a month or two ago.... I have gotten the pills. but im not sure if they work really. Last night i cut again. And ovb. nobody really cared what i did. It was about 12 am. I took my only lamp and stuck it in this little cubby hole i have by my bed and cut in there. idk why nobody would have been the least bit suspicious i mean i was in the cubby hole for atleast 1/2 hr. Like i dont like my life. My mom is a lazy b****. She and i dont get along well lets just say. I've tried running away about 3 times ish. I dont really talk much. I've phoned kids help phone. The guy told me to write a letter to my parents. Well.... that kinda made things go downhill a little bit. Idk why. they were glad i did so.. couple days later more chores added to my list. I hate this!! I just want out of this place.. PLEASE!!!! :'( Am i able to get adopted? at all. is it too late for hope!? I mean if i stay here longer ill keep cutting/running away. I need a sense of hope for once. Please help me get out of here!! I beg you!

[cutbuddie]

please?! can anyone help me. I want to get out of my house. anyway to be able to live with anyone else? who can take care of me. please. I'm getting neglected here. and thats bad.

[phoenix7]

(((cutbuddie)))))

do you have relatives you could go and stay with with your parents permission so there would be no stress?

are you seeing a therapist? they could help wiht your anxitey levels... I know they help me.

if you get on well with your dad can you talk to him aobut this? mayb ehe would understand and get you help

with the antidepressanat some times the first one you try doesnt work - you have to find the right one for you cna you go back to the drs andexplain whats happeneing?

take care ok - try and breathe and stop and think and see if there is a way your dad or another family member or friend could help with this ok

[cutbuddie]

well I have none that live near/around the city. no i used to have a therapist though, she never really helped me as much as i wished. No no, my dad wont understand me. We dont really get along that well. He yells at me alot. Even if i never did anything, at all. I just want hope and happiness once and for all. Is it too late for me to be adopted? or go to a foster family?

[phoenix7]

Im sorry I dont know anything about adoption

there may be help lines you can ring where you are - worth a try?

I dont know how old you are........ or if you are religious? if so then a priest, pastor, rabbi or religious centre may be able to help

the relatives that live further away could they help you?

keep posting ok - let us know how you are going

[cutbuddie]

im 14 years old. well i dont really believe in god. my parents never took my to church or anything. well one of my closest cousins, she's 15, she talked to her mom about helping me get into foster care but she said no. like i dont really know how it works or how to get into it but i really need to. LIke earlier today, i had to help my dad retag some of the cows ears on my farm where i live and my dad gets mad and angry really easily. When some of the cows wouldn't co-operate he would kick them really hard, hit them, and twist their tails. so i was by the cattle squeeze where they had to go into. i was yelling at him to stop hurting them unnecessarily. I had tears streaming down my cheeks. He came up to me and started yelling at me. He was really close to me. I started crying more and backing up away from him. My mom, my sister and my step brother were all there. and they did nothing, nothing at all. I need to get out of here. if i stay here longer, i'll keep cutting.. more and more. and i'll keep getting neglected and yelled at. i'll keep getting treated like this.
Please

[phoenix7]

((((cutbuddie)))))

I am so sorry you are going through this, I wish i had a way to help you - are you at school? is there a school counciller you can talk to?

please take care and try not to hurt yourself ok

[MINIME]

U could go to the er tell them about the cutting that is a place they may put u in the hospital but it would get the ball moving

[cutbuddie]

well its summer so i cant. but i miss school im scared of my father. i try to avoid him. like this morning. i was soo hungry but he was in the house so i stayed in my room. then when he went to the bathroom i would quickly go get food. i had two pieces of leftover pizza. now he's outside so thats why im quickly going on the computer.
Would going to the ER really work?

[multipixie9]

Cutbuddie,

I had a horrible family situation growing up and no one paid attention to me, I sort of hid out in my room a lot in teen years.

I know how a situation can just get so bad you can't see any good. There's no one you feel you can trust. I do not know how to tell you any way to get help for adoption or foster care and those are not ideal either.

There are some things you can do like continue to call into hotlines for teens or for psych support. You can start a diary to give you a place to dump some of the intense feelings/frustrations - just be sure to keep it safely hidden to avoid problems of people seeing it. Right now it would be good if you can find a stress reliever besides the cutting. Later on when you get to a better place with life you may find the scars a problem you don't need. I used to get a baseball bat and beat up pillow or large plastic trash cans - it made a helluva noise and made me feel better when I was so angry.

The one thing that saved me was that I discovered God really does care and loves me; He loves you too. It's hard to describe and not accidentally go over the limits on God-talk from this forums regulations. I found I could talk to God about everything and that He did care. It was not so much a "religious" thing as it was a relationship with Him. It honestly helped me so much. If you ever want to talk about it I am open to pm with you and I have no agenda to try to get you to "be" some kind of religion. I'll discuss anything on your mind.

Also I agree that sometimes it takes trial and error to find a antidepressant med that worked for me. When it did work it was a good help to me also.

ONE IMPORTANT THING: It will NOT always be like this. Time does move on and you will not always be in this situation. Things CAN get better and you will NOT be unhappy forever - even though it may seem like that is how it will be.

There is only ONE of you, you are a unique person and there is nobody better than you. You have value and with time you will find you can make a life for yourself and achieve good things - including actually liking your life.

I know I'm a stranger to you, but I really care and want you to find a way to hold on until help and change can come. Hugs if you want them,

Leslie/multipixie9

[phoenix7]

How are you doing cutbuddie?

[cutbuddie]

Thanks you so much multipixie9. I havent gotten a hug in a long time. And im not really the religious type of person. I mean my parents took me to church but it was only once or twice years ago. Otherwise, I doing okay. My mom was acting weirdly nice to me for a bit today. I really thank her for that. Its been a long time since she's been nice to me. Yeah, its hard to all of a sudden stop cutting. and thank you guys for really caring and taking the time to help me through this. Thank you so much. I just want out of here.

[phoenix7]

Multipixie is right and very wise am glad you're mum was nice to you today cutbuddie we do care about you and wish you well and happy - one day you can leave home and live your own life can you focus on that -

[cutbuddie]

yeah i'll try but it'll be hard to focus on something thats years into the future... you know?

[phoenix7]

yes I know - but can you think of it like a lifelinethat keeps you safe till then - fill your mind with dreams of how it will be - when bad things happen say ok they shouted at me but I willhave my own place and be free and have my own life and the best form of revenge is a life well lived.

are there help lines you can call and talk to about this?

[cutbuddie]

thats a good idea! thank you!! well i'll see what i can do about that. Thank you so much!!!

[Christina86]

Originally Posted by cutbuddie

well I have none that live near/around the city. no i used to have a therapist though, she never really helped me as much as i wished. No no, my dad wont understand me. We dont really get along that well. He yells at me alot. Even if i never did anything, at all. I just want hope and happiness once and for all. Is it too late for me to be adopted? or go to a foster family?

Call the Children's Aid numbers I gave you if you want. No, it's never "too late" to be adopted or go into foster care. But they DO kick you out at 18, and you might not be in a family - I've had friends in foster care, and it's really hard. It's also not fun. Usually, I think they try to convince your family to shape up, and then sometimes try to convince other family members to take you in. But I'm not sure. Call the numbers up and talk to them.

Originally Posted by cutbuddie

im 14 years old. well i dont really believe in god. my parents never took my to church or anything. well one of my closest cousins, she's 15, she talked to her mom about helping me get into foster care but she said no. like i dont really know how it works or how to get into it but i really need to. LIke earlier today, i had to help my dad retag some of the cows ears on my farm where i live and my dad gets mad and angry really easily. When some of the cows wouldn't co-operate he would kick them really hard, hit them, and twist their tails. so i was by the cattle squeeze where they had to go into. i was yelling at him to stop hurting them unnecessarily. I had tears streaming down my cheeks. He came up to me and started yelling at me. He was really close to me. I started crying more and backing up away from him. My mom, my sister and my step brother were all there. and they did nothing, nothing at all. I need to get out of here. if i stay here longer, i'll keep cutting.. more and more. and i'll keep getting neglected and yelled at. i'll keep getting treated like this.
Please

I never liked cow branding/marking season. (I'm a country girl. Yeah, I lived on a farm too!) Poor cows. I'm sorry about your dad. Perhaps talking to your friends mom yourself, she'd be more willing to help?

Originally Posted by cutbuddie

well its summer so i cant. but i miss school im scared of my father. i try to avoid him. like this morning. i was soo hungry but he was in the house so i stayed in my room. then when he went to the bathroom i would quickly go get food. i had two pieces of leftover pizza. now he's outside so thats why im quickly going on the computer.
Would going to the ER really work?

Yes, going to the ER would really work. At the very least, it would get the authorities involved (likely) and you'd probably get some more help.



Here for you.

[cutbuddie]

Do they really do all that? Okay i'll call them.

Yeah next time i go to her house i'll see if i can. Cause i get really nervous talking about this to people.

So if i go to the ER, i'll have to stay at the hospital, right? But going to the ER for this, don't the cuts have to be like really deep?

Thank you

[Christina86]

Originally Posted by cutbuddie

Do they really do all that? Okay i'll call them.

Yeah next time i go to her house i'll see if i can. Cause i get really nervous talking about this to people.

So if i go to the ER, i'll have to stay at the hospital, right? But going to the ER for this, don't the cuts have to be like really deep?

Thank you

Depends. They may send you home. They may make a referral to a counsellor. They may keep you overnight if you're a danger to yourself or others (which they have to do).

Don't hurt yourself further though, ok?

[cutbuddie]

yeah they probably will. but ive managed not to hurt myself. yay well i think its because ive been talking to this guy who wants to go out with me.

[Christina86]

Ooooooooooh guy. Hey, if it's positive motivation, then go for it. Have fun.

[cutbuddie]

thanks. and thanks for the help.!

[phoenix7]

Im glad you havnt hurt yourself - take care P7

[dance59326]

Originally Posted by Christina86

Depends. They may send you home. They may make a referral to a counsellor. They may keep you overnight if you're a danger to yourself or others (which they have to do).

Don't hurt yourself further though, ok?

If you go to the ER, if your case is "rough" then you would probably be able to stay overnight or for a few days. It would be a good choice if you do reach that point. While I was in the hospital, they set up for me a system that has caseworkers come to my house and take me out of my home to go places and escape from my home. Also, if you can provide any type of evidence about your family ex: recording of them freaking out, you will have a good place for you to start as far as getting out of your house and trying to fix your situation. I highly believe that if you have a small digital camera and get a few quiet snapshots as well as a recording during one of your father/mother's "tantrums" when it gets really bad, you will definately get the ball rolling and moving fast. If you ever want to PM me, I'm always there for anyone to chat or give support/help with anything. Keep me posted, I'd love to hear your progress. I firmly believe that you can get through this barrier. I am also just turned 16 and I know exactly what your battling.
Sending you the best wishes possible and support
dance59326

[cutbuddie]

thanks you guys.!!
I went to the doctor earlier this morning. He gave me a new prescription its called, Lithium Carbonate...? idk, so does this mean im bipolar? cause he said it'll help with all my mood swings i have. Idk. I never told him about all the self injury because a) my dad was there; and b) he never asked. He asks me and my dad questions. My dad told him my moods change really quickly like someone with bipolar disorder. But after four weeks or taking both prescriptions i have to go get some blood work done again and also pee in a stupid cup. ugh. i dont like peeing in a cup!! for two weeks i have to take 1 bipolar pill in the morning and 1 at night. I also have to keep my regular dose of the other stuff aswell. Then after two weeks i have to take 1 bipolar pill in the morning then i have to take 2 at night. Also with the other prescription aswell. Then go see the doctor again August 18th. New Meds HERE I COME!!