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  #1  
Old May 24, 2010, 02:16 PM
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I want the answer to be no, but still I feel like I need to ask.

Background information
Last night I went through an anxiety attack, but with a few unexpected things happened. Say for example I felt like I was hurting myself because of all of the pain in my head. I felt like I wanted to wrip my flesh. I just couldn't stop. Lukely no see able damage, but I'm really sore.

Question
Is this concidered SI or just my alter trying to attack me?

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  #2  
Old May 24, 2010, 07:25 PM
TheByzantine
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puzzclar, I would say yes.
  #3  
Old May 24, 2010, 11:22 PM
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it's getting the ideation, but sometimes ideation can lead to physical feelings, it's through the chemicals in your brain
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"Life is like photography, you use the negatives to develop"
"When the world says 'Give up,' Hope whispers 'Try it one more time'" ~ Unknown

"To dwell in the here and the now does not mean you never think about the past or responsibility, plan for the future. The idea is simply not to allow yourself to get lost in regrets about past or worries about the past or worries about the future. If you are firmly in the present moment, the past can be an object of inquiry, the object of your mindfulness by looking into the past, but you are still grounded in the present moment"
Thich Nhat Hanh

  #4  
Old May 25, 2010, 06:01 AM
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If it is causing intentional pain - even if it does not leave any marks (this includes intentional dwelling on emotionally painful items) - then it is SI. The goal is to find out what triggered you and then to find ways to work through that base pain in a safe way. Big hugs to you!
Thanks for this!
sugahorse1
  #5  
Old May 25, 2010, 10:53 AM
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Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

I'm an ISFJ
  #6  
Old May 25, 2010, 02:08 PM
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Thanks everyone. I really did want the answer to be no, but it's more like a you wish sort of thing. Last night was once again hard, my alter and I went at it for like 3 hours, even though it felt like 5 minutes. She was trying to do the ultimate SI, or just do something to let her mind be heard, It scared me so much that she whould do something like this. and Even now, i am afriad to be alone. And I'm alone right now. After I eat, then I'm leaving this appartment, and go to a place with peopel, I just hope it's with out the si. I'm scared, that I can't control her. I'm scared that she will do something to me in the form of si. I'm scared of HER. and she hates anyone that gets in her way, so she punishes me for not letting her. I really hate this. I want to be me.
  #7  
Old May 25, 2010, 04:18 PM
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Gentle hugs to you.

Do you have a T? Someone who could help you work through your emotions?

Best wishes to you.
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"Forgive others not because they deserve forgiveness but because you deserve peace."
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  #8  
Old May 25, 2010, 09:36 PM
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Letting go of Painful Emotions:
Letting go of emotional suffering associated with negative emotions is not the same thing as letting go of the emotions themselves. Letting go of the suffering is a process that we can learn.

We do not mean pushing away or sitting on the emotions. The emotions are valid, and represent experiences and interactions that were or are painful. What we are talking about is dealing with these emotions in a new way that will relieve some of the suffering that goes with them.

In learning to let go of our emotional suffering, we use the mindfulness skills that we have practiced before, the observe and describe skills. We learn to get some distance from our emotions, to stand back and observe them. If we can get distance, we can see them more clearly.

Try getting some distance from a painful emotion that you have. Put it over there and look at it, maybe as if it were on a screen or a stage. Describe in words what the experience of that emotion is like. This also helps to give you distance and perspective.

By looking at your emotions, you are exposing yourself to them, looking and describing, not necessarily acting on them, and not being swallowed by or overwhelmed by them.
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"Life is like photography, you use the negatives to develop"
"When the world says 'Give up,' Hope whispers 'Try it one more time'" ~ Unknown

"To dwell in the here and the now does not mean you never think about the past or responsibility, plan for the future. The idea is simply not to allow yourself to get lost in regrets about past or worries about the past or worries about the future. If you are firmly in the present moment, the past can be an object of inquiry, the object of your mindfulness by looking into the past, but you are still grounded in the present moment"
Thich Nhat Hanh

Thanks for this!
michelle421, shezbut
  #9  
Old May 26, 2010, 09:04 AM
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Sounds like she wants to be heard puzzclar. Any way that she can be calmed down a bit and then allowed to be heard (her being safe)?
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Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

I'm an ISFJ
  #10  
Old May 26, 2010, 04:57 PM
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I learned something from this. that I can push her away because she is not real. I just need to foucs on the things that I do, and love to do. I need to re-learn how to focus. And I'm learnign one day at a time.

I hopefully will have a T soon, but I'm on the waiting list. But I do have the support of friends and family.
Thanks everyone
Thanks for this!
dance59326
  #11  
Old May 26, 2010, 11:46 PM
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that's awesome to work through things and accept help
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"Life is like photography, you use the negatives to develop"
"When the world says 'Give up,' Hope whispers 'Try it one more time'" ~ Unknown

"To dwell in the here and the now does not mean you never think about the past or responsibility, plan for the future. The idea is simply not to allow yourself to get lost in regrets about past or worries about the past or worries about the future. If you are firmly in the present moment, the past can be an object of inquiry, the object of your mindfulness by looking into the past, but you are still grounded in the present moment"
Thich Nhat Hanh

  #12  
Old May 27, 2010, 10:07 PM
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I will see a counselor when one has an oppening, but I have learned that I need to focus on the things that I normally do. Like Reading, Getting homework done, Playing my many instruments. Not as a distraction but as a way of finding my full self again. I"m now on my way to recoverarly. The worst is behind me.
  #13  
Old May 27, 2010, 10:40 PM
TheByzantine
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I wish you well, puzzclar.
  #14  
Old May 28, 2010, 12:07 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by puzzclar View Post
I have learned that I need to focus on the things that I normally do. Like Reading, Getting homework done, Playing my many instruments. Not as a distraction but as a way of finding my full self again.
This sounds like a good plan.
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

I'm an ISFJ
  #15  
Old May 28, 2010, 06:07 PM
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great work and good optimism skills
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"Life is like photography, you use the negatives to develop"
"When the world says 'Give up,' Hope whispers 'Try it one more time'" ~ Unknown

"To dwell in the here and the now does not mean you never think about the past or responsibility, plan for the future. The idea is simply not to allow yourself to get lost in regrets about past or worries about the past or worries about the future. If you are firmly in the present moment, the past can be an object of inquiry, the object of your mindfulness by looking into the past, but you are still grounded in the present moment"
Thich Nhat Hanh

  #16  
Old Jun 05, 2010, 01:59 PM
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Optimism has ended. and the count starts over, I did SI this morning, and I hate my life, because I want the mental angush to stop. Calm, would be nice. Talking to someone would be nice. Gettign things done would be nice, but I don't see it happening, I'm just not myself. I'm trying to get back but It's taking to much brain power that I don't have right now. I need to talk to someone, but just can't bring myself to calling someone who could help. I hate this.
  #17  
Old Jun 12, 2010, 01:37 PM
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You need to start where you are Puzzclar, not where you want to be or where you think you should be.
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Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

I'm an ISFJ
  #18  
Old Jun 13, 2010, 01:20 AM
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Then here's the ultimate truth about where I am. No matter how hard it is for me to write.

For one thing, I am up and it's midnight, something that I don't do on a regular bases. I kind of think that it is a punishment for the thouhts that I have had this week. They have not been plesent. and I thought them today as well. I just can't keep doing it to myself. I have classes that are important, and Dating would be nice. But right now, I'm just masking what I really feel, so that I will just get through the night. Kind of a protection method.

But the honest truth is, I don't want to hurt anyone around me. And I do it when people know that somethign is wrong. I hate having to go to a friend and say that I've been suicidal today. or I just want the hurt to stop. I hate that I have to keep talking about it. I hate the fact that I can't shut my mind down, that it keeps going. I just can't keep doing it to them. But at the same time, I can't keep my mind clean of all the things that it wants. I can't keep looking at that website, i can't keep looking at what to use, I can't keep planing the things that I don't want. I know that it would not work anyways so why do I keep looking at it. Why do I keep going to that site. (I've been to it this week twice) Why can I not put this all behind me like I have done with past memories. WhY???

Real anwser, I'm not ready to give up the thoughts, but I am. It doesn't make sense to me, so maybe someone here can explain it to me. There's the statement, prove me wrong, or right does not matter to me. I just want to get through the night, but at the same time I want to stay up for 48 hours straight and then crash. Why can't I not do that, I've been up for only 13 hours that's why, It wouldn't work. But I still want to, but my work would suffer. AGGG< I hate this.
  #19  
Old Jun 13, 2010, 02:09 PM
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I would say it is SI because its harm to yourself. Any kind of harm to yourself that is intentional whether or not you are on drugs or having an attack is still SI. I'm sorry. HUGS!!!
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  #20  
Old Jun 14, 2010, 11:27 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by puzzclar View Post
But right now, I'm just masking what I really feel, so that I will just get through the night. Kind of a protection method.

I hate that I have to keep talking about it. I hate the fact that I can't shut my mind down, that it keeps going.

Why can I not put this all behind me like I have done with past memories. WhY???

Real anwser, I'm not ready to give up the thoughts, but I am.
Once you realize where you are then you need a workable plan to follow. Therapy, where you are really committed to it, would need to be a part of this plan.

Stuffing down memories doesn't work. You need to work through them in therapy. This is the only way to put them behind you.

You can't give up the thoughts because you haven't worked on what is causing them.
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

I'm an ISFJ
  #21  
Old Jun 14, 2010, 01:53 PM
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Thank you for that. Well,I have an appointment with a Therpist in about 10 minutes, Which will be good. But Think I found one other avenue for help.

I did have another attack last night, I thoguht that I Had it under control, but I did not. I was taken to the hospital where they did nothing except let me calm down. I don't know which is worse, seeing the concern or not seeing anything because people just want to hide it from me. I don't like either one, since I go in to an ER, and they do nothing but just dispmiss it as an anxiety attack. But what if down the road it is something serious, how then would I be treated. (Just had to vent a little bit, to get it out of me)

I'm slowly starting to un-stuff my brain, but it's going to be hard, and it looks like I may just want to stay where I am, and not move back home. I don't know anymore what to do about schooling. I feel like I do better on the 16 week semester compared to the 14 week semester. What should I do?? I guess that answer will come in time, I hope.
  #22  
Old Jun 15, 2010, 11:24 AM
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How did you appt. go? I'm glad that you are working on unstuffing your brain. This is an excellent plan! I know that you will be able to sort out what you need to do.
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

I'm an ISFJ
  #23  
Old Jun 15, 2010, 05:12 PM
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Well, the appointment didn't hurt but, I still feel like I have a lot left that I need to unstuff. So I will be setting up an appointment tomorrow with a Psycholgist that can work with a Family Doc with meds. So i hope this is the right move to make. I just have to figure out what is the trigger for the attacks, and what I can do to stop them on a daily bases. But I have never felt so free from dillusions now then in the past few weeks. It is amazing when they lift and you can truely see the real you. I'm greatful for those that helped me, or I don't think I would be around, to hopefully help some of you here.
  #24  
Old Jun 16, 2010, 11:09 AM
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Unstuffing takes time Puzzclar. I'm glad that you are taking the time to do this stuff. Good Work!!
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Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

I'm an ISFJ
  #25  
Old Jun 17, 2010, 06:25 PM
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And I also hope that I find a real Therepest. But until that time, I'll keep do i ng what I'm doing but only adding in physical exerserice.
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