cutting again

i started cutting again after years ofnot cutting. now i cant stop. it was every 2 days or more. now im cutting daily and i still think about it. it use to supress my suicidal urges. but now they came back too. if i tell my therapist he will admit me again. and i dont want that so i am trying to do it on my own. i dont know how much more before give in. he made me promise if it (my plan) changed at all to call. i dont want to. i dont know what to do. im alone and hurting. ive been going through this like a merry go round for almost a year. this time im loosing.

Im so sorry to hear ur feeling this way. And struggling so much. I wish there was something i could do to help u. Being in hospital suxs being so out of control with the cutting does too. Pm if ud like u can talk 2me. Im here 4u. Can maybe give u advice. I struggle with the same things.

Hi Chrise, I'm sorry that you are struggling. All of this stuff is hard to suppress. Is your therapist helpful?

i cant supress it anymore. but i cant tell my therapist. i dont want to be put in the hospital. but i dont want o lie to my therapist. he had surgery this week and will also be out next week. we have been having check in phone calls. he is gonna call tomorrow. im gonna have to avoid his call.i dont know why im still here. i wish i could change my thin king. my thoughts arent good at all.i dont know what to do.

Do you know what the root of this painful time is? Is there a way you can find out what it is that hurts so much and needs to come out?

Chrise, sometimes the perfect choice isn't available. Sometimes we have to make a choice that we aren't perfectly happy with.

You can't continue to suppress it and a good choice would be to tell your therapist and let things fall where they may. Please keep us posted?

i cant stop cutting.i just cant deal with all of this again. i have my back door ready. its my only hope.the pain is just too great. for too long. too far down.i need relief.

I really think the best thing for you would to call your therapist and tell the truth. I know you don't want to go to the hospital but maybe you guys could try talking first??? Chrise as hard as it is to stop, you can't do it on your own. If you truely want help and want the merry-go-round to stop then you have to tell your therapist. Its gonna be hard but in the long run you'll be happy you did what you did. Good luck.

Chris, sometimes SI can stop a suicide. Does your T hospitalize you for SI?