[googley]

I'm feeling unsafe in too many different ways. All of them compiling on top of the others. All alone. Too much.

Too much: "just get over it, it's not important, what you feel isn't important".

I feel all alone.

It hurts too much.

[Miss Laura]

Hey Googley,

Please talk... we are here to listen

[suzzie]

Googley

How are you are doing.

((((((((((Googley))))))))))
Please talk to us when you're ready.

[notz]

Googley, it is important. You're important.

You are loved...

[googley]

Thanks Miss Laura. Thanks Suzzie. Thanks Melissa. Thanks Notz

I took a nap and am feeling a little better. It usually helps me calm down. So the urges aren't so strong right now. I'm feeling safer. I hate that one little thing can send me spiraling. This will probably sound really stupid.

I sent my dad a link to something that I thought was really important and angering. But he said he only spent one minute looking at it and didn't think it was important at all. It isn't like I send him something all the time. I hardly ever send him something. It made me feel so unimportant. Like I was invisible. Shouldn't something I consider important at least garner a response of, I see this is important to you. Not, I think this is stupid.

I guess I shouldn't believe that he can change. That he will ever think anything that is important to me is important to him.

I never should have expected what mattered to me to be important. It never was in the past. I don't know why I thought it should matter now.

[Sannah]

Googley, your dad has major issues and I wouldn't expect him to be able to meet your needs. There are other people in life that will think that you are important and these are the relationships that you need to develop and nurture. This is one thing that I learned. I learned that I couldn't change my parents and that I could never depend on them. I focused on developing supportive relationships, though, where my needs would be met. The dysfunctional family is water over the bridge and you have to move on if you want to heal.

And Googley, it didn't sound stupid. We have all been through what you are describing. And, yeah, you did a good job coping with this by taking a nap. Good work!

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((((( googley ))))))))))))))))

[googley]

Originally Posted by Sannah

Googley, your dad has major issues and I wouldn't expect him to be able to meet your needs. There are other people in life that will think that you are important and these are the relationships that you need to develop and nurture. This is one thing that I learned. I learned that I couldn't change my parents and that I could never depend on them. I focused on developing supportive relationships, though, where my needs would be met. The dysfunctional family is water over the bridge and you have to move on if you want to heal.

And Googley, it didn't sound stupid. We have all been through what you are describing. And, yeah, you did a good job coping with this by taking a nap. Good work!

I don't know who to reach out to. I'm always scared that I am bothering my friends. None of them ever call me. So I don't know if they really want to talk to me. Even when they say they are going to call. It makes me feel alone. I don't know what to do, when I'm moving around every couple of years for school and it seems like people forget me when I move. I feel so alone in the world.

[Sannah]

Maybe this will take some thought on your part to determine which relationships that you need to pursue and nurture? Maybe something to discuss with your therapist? (And discuss here too if you want).

This was an issue that I really had to work on. I had closed myself off to intimate relationships and I had to work on it to figure out what I needed to untangle so that I was able to let others close to me. And I figured out all of the things that I did subconsciously to keep others away from me. When we think that it is the others who are in control of why we don't have close relationships, really, with a closer look, we are doing things to keep others back.

[Kiya]

i daresay that we shall all of us have to band together to keep ourselves safe. you game? take my hand, and we can all link hands and then our hands can't hurt us and we won't be alone.

[googley]

It would be a pleasure to hold hands with you Kiya!

[googley]

I'm feeling depressed and alone. I'm feeling attacked for my feelings. I feel like if no one thinks I matter, then why should I even be here. I know I shouldn't let other people's words effect me. But it is so hard. It makes me feel so worthless. Like why should I care? I just want to cut myself. Want to go after my wrists. I don't want to take care of myself or be nice to myself. I don't feel like I can tell my T because she wants me to be nice to myself, and I feel like I would be disappointing her if I told her. I don't want to disappoint her. I feel so awful. I feel like I'm failing at life.

[Sannah]

Googley, what did someone say to you? It sounds like they triggered you. It is okay to tell your therapist these things. She cannot help you if you don't tell her what is going on with you. Therapy isn't about trying to be the best client ever. Therapy is about letting out everything, especially what you might consider "bad" because if you don't let it out how will you work on it?

[victorian.sid]

i understand how you feel, i feel the same dear. You are no alone♥
if you ever need to talk, send me pm. ok?

[googley]

It isn't that I wont tell her about the criticism. But I think that there are other things I need to talk about with her right now. There are too many things going through my head right now that I need to talk about in T. Too much stuff. Since I know that right now I wont do it (at least today) I don't know how important it is to talk about. If I talked about it every time I had urges, then it seems like I would always be talking about it. And never get to anything else.

[Rohag]

Googley!

Originally Posted by Googley

If I talked about it every time I had urges, then it seems like I would always be talking about it. And never get to anything else.

You know how much we value your safety, and we trust your judgment.